It's Still Complicated
by Yaoilover2873
Summary: A sequel to It's Complicated, Alec is back in uptown and is trying to get his life together by Magnus's side. He wants a job. he wants to be able to be with Magnus without judgmental stares and he wants to adopt a baby. With such a dark past will Alec be able to have all the things he wants? Or will his past drag him down?
1. New complicated beginnings

**Here's the beginning of the sequel to It's Complicated. If you have not read It's Complicated I advise you to read that first and come back :)**

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It's Still Complicated Chapter One: New Complicated Beginnings, Old Complicated Problems.

Alec Pov- _I sat in that large white room where Valentine kept me locked up for I don't know how long. I thought Magnus saved me. I could have sworn he took me to the hospital where I spent six months getting clean and then we started living in a flat together. It must have been a dream because I was still here in this horrible room._

 _I stood up looking around the room "Magnus? Magnus are you here?" "sorry to tell you but he's not here" a cold familiar voice said from behind me. I turned around frowning looking at Valentine who was standing there smiling smugly at me. "H-how did I get back here?"_

 _Valentine walked up to me having a smug look on his face "you came here yourself." My eyes widened in shock "why would I willingly come back to this horrible place?" He held out his closed hand to me before opening his fingers revealing a handful of white powder. I stared down at it feeling my nerves buzzing under my skin._

" _You came for this" Valentine said smirking down at me. I shook my head backing up "I'm clean now. I have Magnus and my life is going good right now so I don't need that crap." I backed up till I hit a wall and Valentine walked up trapping me there._

" _You can't fool yourself Alexander. You say you don't need it and maybe that's true but that doesn't stop you from wanting it. You miss it don't you? The thrill of the high, the feeling of complete bliss as you forget yourself, not having to worry about life or your problems?"_

 _I shook my head no closing my eyes tight "I don't miss it. I have Magnus to make me happy I don't need to rely on some drug. I'm stronger than I was six months ago." Valentine tilted his hand letting the white powder pour down to the floor._

 _I watched it as it fell; my entire body yelling at me to catch it and not to waste it. I didn't move to catch it though. I just watched it hit the floor and Valentine put his foot over it crushing it. "You can say you don't want it anymore but everyone knows the truth. They will always see you as the drug addict who needs to be watched. They're just waiting for you to mess up."_

 _I shook my head frowning "That's not true. Magnus and my siblings have faith in me. They know I've changed." Valentine rolled his eyes at this "six months can't change three years of being who you were."_

 _I met his eyes glaring "are you saying I'll never change? That I'll never get better?" He nodded crossing his arms over his chest "that is what I'm saying. You are damaged beyond repair and no one can save you. Not Magnus Bane, not your sibling, and definitely not yourself."_

 _I shook my head sliding down to the floor and covering my ears. "I don't want to hear any of this." Valentine knelt down leaning in closer to me "you don't want to hear it because you know its's true. You don't want to face yourself because you know no matter how hard you try you can't change. You may love Magnus and you may want to change yourself for him but that doesn't mean you will."_

 _I looked up at Valentine glaring, going to scream at him but he was gone. It was like he was never there in the first place. I sighed running my hand through my face before looking down at the floor. My body stiffened once my eyes locked with the white powder still scattered across the floor._

 _My heart raced and I could hear ringing in my ears. My blood heated up wanting to feel that amazing drug run through it. I reached out a shaky hand running my fingers through the powder slowly before putting my hand to my nose. I stared down at the powder on my fingers before closing my eyes and breathing it in._

"Alec… Alec wake up… Alec" Magnus's voice broke through my dream forcing me to wake up. I looked around our bedroom catching my breath before looking behind me at Magnus. He was propped up on his elbow looking down at me "Alec dear clam down, you were having a panic attack in your sleep." I looked into his eyes frowning "sorry… just another nightmare."

Magnus frowned running his hand through my sweaty hair "it's not 'just another nightmare' Alec. If you need to talk about it, I'm right here to talk." I smiled up at him and reached up caressing his cheek gently "thanks Magnus but I'm alright." He searched my eyes frowning "did it have to do with Valentine or your hallucinations?"

I glanced away from him keeping quiet. It's been three months since Magnus and I started living together and I still haven't been able to tell him about what I saw during that crazy LSD trip. I couldn't tell him that I heard him say I was boring to him or that I stabbed him to death. I don't want him to think I'm crazy.

"Alec you can talk to me about what you saw. I won't think any less of you or be angry. You can trust me." I glanced back at Magnus frowning "that's the thing Magnus… I can't trust you. Not fully anyway."

Magnus frowned and nodded grabbing my hand "I know I have a long way to go to gain your trust back. I hope someday you can be able to tell me things that are bothering you. I want to be able to help you." I smiled reaching over and touching his cheek "you being here helps me."

I pushed him to lay down before I curled up next to him laying my head in the crook of his neck. I always felt safest when I was cuddling with Magnus. Magnus wrapped his arms around me and slid a hand into my hair running his fingers through it. "Tomorrows a big day for us."

I nodded thinking about what I'll have to do tomorrow. It's finally time for me to meet Magnus's parents and I am terrified they won't like me. I'm sure they heard the gossip and read the articles. They know I'm not worthy of their son just as much as I do.

Magnus cupped my cheek in his hand and turned my head to look him in the eye "don't be afraid Alexander." I bit my lip searching his gorgeous eyes "I'm not afraid. I'm worried. What if they don't like me and say we can't be together?"

Magnus rolled his eyes at this and smiled "Alec I don't need my parents' permission to be with you. If I want to love you I will love you; and believe me I want to love you." I half smiled at Magnus before leaning in and kissing him softly. "I love you too Magnus but I still want your parents to like me."

"Alec my parents don't really like anyone. Wither you have a past or not I'm sure they would give you a hard time. I'll help you through it as long as I can you just can't take everything they say to heart." "I take everything everyone says to heart" I said softly.

Magnus nodded "I know and that needs to stop." I cuddled more into him closing my eyes "I don't know how to make it stop. We have all these parties and events coming up and I'm terrified of hearing what people will say behind my back. Not to mention my parents will be at some of these events. I haven't seen them since I was eighteen."

Magnus ran his hand through my hair again, making me relax in his arms. "It will be hard but I will be with you every step of the way. You are a part of uptown again so that means you have a right to be at these events and parties. Don't let anyone make you think differently."

I leaned into the crook of Magnus's neck kissing it softly "when did you become so wise?" He laughed laying his chin on top of my head and closing his eyes "I have always been wise." I wrapped my arms around him closing my eyes and smiling "not always." "Well I have made some bad choices but loving you isn't one of them. Choosing you was the smartest choice I have ever made."

I smiled wider cuddling as close as possible to Magnus "I love you Magnus." "I love you too darling. Get some sleep and don't worry about tomorrow." I nodded getting comfortable in his warmth before falling asleep in his arms.

The next morning, I got changed into some nice jeans, a blue button up top and a nice suit jacket. I normally didn't like dressing like this but I wanted to make a good impression on Magnus's parents. Magnus walked out of the steamy bathroom just getting out of the shower and he had a towel wrapped around his waist and another around his hair. He looked me up and down smiling "well, don't you dress up nice?"

I looked at him "is it really nice? Should I dress up more? They're fashion Icons so I can't just show up with jeans and a jacket." Magnus rolled his eyes pulling the towel out of his hair "don't stress yourself out over this Alec. I happen to like what you're wearing and that's all that matters. Who cares what my parents think."

I frowned "is that your way of telling me that your parents are going to hate it?" Magnus walked up to me putting his hands on my shoulders and looking me in the eye "Alexander stop stressing. Everything is going to be okay." I looked down frowning but then looked up again blushing remembering that he is only in a towel.

Magnus and I have been living together for three months but we haven't done anything together except kiss. Normally I would be all up for jumping his bones but I'm trying to change myself. That means I need to take things slow and get to know him better before I sleep with him. Magnus smiled seeing my blush and he kissed the tip of my nose "so adorable."

I rolled my eyes moving away from him "hurry up and get ready so we can get going. The quicker we get to your parents' office the quicker this will all be over." In the three months that we have lived together I haven't once left this house. I haven't met any of Magnus's friends or family because I was too afraid. I need to stop being afraid though if I want to be part of Magnus's life.

Magnus let me go sighing before going to get ready for the day. "This is a small thing Alec. My parents' opinions don't really matter to me. This is just practice for meeting my friends; their opinion is one that matters."

I frowned watching him "so if your friends don't like me then we're done." Magnus looked back at me "of course not Alexander. My friends will have issues with you at first I know them well enough to already know that. The way you handle yourself around it will be good for your recovery. You can't take everything my friends and family say to heart and I'm preparing you for that."

I nodded blushing when Magnus started undoing the towel around his waist "I'll go wait in the living room" I said before walking out of the room. I made some coffee before sitting on the couch sipping it slowly and getting lost in thought. My thoughts weren't lost for long because Magnus's little cat Chairman Meow pounced on my bare foot making me wince in pain and glare down at the creature.

You can call it possessiveness or whatever but this cat doesn't like me one bit. He did at first, he let me pet him and he even sat on my lap which excited Magnus since he said his cat doesn't like a lot of his dates. Once it was clear that I was here to stay though Chairman switched like a light. He now bites my toes when I'm sleeping, tares up my sweaters until he's unraveling them into yarn, and whenever Magnus and I get into a heated make out session he gets in between us.

I have to thank him for that last thing though because sometimes Magnus and I get a little too heated when making out. It's hard to remember my no sex promise when my entire body is practically screaming for it. Chairman's interruptions help me cool down so he's not all bad. At times like now however when he's biting my feet, I do not like him.

I pulled my feet onto the couch out of his reach before sticking my tongue out at the cat. He let out a small hiss before walking away going to his food dish. The only time Chairman did like me was when I fed him. Granted, he obviously has never heard the saying 'don't bite the hand that feeds you'.

"How do I look" Magnus asked walking out of the bedroom. I looked at him and skimmed his body with my eyes. He was wearing nice black dress pants, a lavender silk shirt, and a nice navy jacket. His hair was slightly spiked up and he applied eyeliner and glitter for his makeup.

I smiled standing up "you look absolutely amazing." He smiled walking up to me and wrapping his arms around me "you know we could just skip seeing my parents and go on a romantic dinner date." I touched his cheek "that sounds amazing and a lot less stressful but I don't want to give your parents another reason to hate me." He rolled his eyes "I doubt they hate you."

I let him go moving out of his grasp "you 'doubt' they hate me meaning you aren't sure. We need to go and make them like me." Magnus sighed "Alec I already told you that my parents don't like anyone." I crossed my arms "too bad because they are going to like me."

"Keep that enthusiasm darling" he said grabbing his wallet and walking out of the house with me. I grabbed his hand once he finished locking up and walked to the subway station with him "okay tell me everything I need to know about your parents." Magnus looked ahead thinking, swinging our hands back and forth as we walked "well my father's name is Asmodeus Bane, he's the CEO of Bane Fashions. My mother is Esmerelda Bane and she designs most of the clothes in the Bane collection."

I rolled my eyes "I know all of that stuff already. I read up on them when I was studying to take over my father's company. I want to know personal things about them. Likes, dislikes, things that might set them off if I say or do anything."

Magnus frowned going down the stairs of the subway station "sorry Alec I don't know any of that stuff." I frowned "what do you mean you don't know?" He shrugged getting on the subway and pulling us to some seats before someone else could snatch them. "My parents and I aren't really that close. We don't talk about personal stuff."

"How am I supposed to know what to say to them if you don't know what they like to hear?" Magnus smiled at me and kissed my cheek "you'll be fine darling. Just be yourself and I'm sure they will grow to accept you." I looked at him frowning but nodded "fine."

He nodded laying his head on my shoulder smiling, closing his eyes. I smiled watching him and the sound of whispers caught my ear. "Look, it's Alexander Lightwood." I frowned looking over at the direction of the voice seeing it was a group of people around my age.

"I heard he came back uptown. I'm surprised they let him back in instead of throwing him in jail. Isn't prostitution and being involved with a gang illegal" a girl asked. The guy next to her scoffed "oh please, Magnus Bane has enough power in this city to pardon him."

"I highly doubt he has that much power. He and his family are just fashion designers" the girl commented. Another girl shrugged "but unlike everyone else in town the Bane family is known worldwide. Families like the Morgenstern's and Lightwoods only reach New York."

"Stop listening to them Alexander" Magnus whispered in my ear making me flinch and look at him "what? I wasn't listening to anything." Magnus looking into my eyes his face inches from mine "I know you Alec. You were listening in on that conversation."

I frowned searching his eyes "I'm making people talk bad about you. I'm dirtying your name." Magnus rolled his eyes before grabbing my face and crushing his lips to mine. My mind told me I should pull away so people will stop staring but instead my body reacted and I kissed him back.

He ran his fingers into my hair pulling me closer so he could kiss me deeper. I gladly kissed him back smiling and I heard one of the girls' snicker. "Seriously, they're on a public train. Once a whore always a whore I guess."

I blushed pulling away "Magnus we're in public. This isn't going to help people get over the things I've done." Magnus sighed slouching in the chair "Alexander stop caring what people think of you. Their opinions shouldn't matter."

"It does matter to me Magnus. I need to get a job and make my way in the world. I can't do that as long as everyone thinks I'm some slut." Magnus frowned moving a strand of hair out of my face "I don't think you're a slut."

"I know you don't think so Magnus but everyone else in New York does." Magnus held up our joint hands kissing mine "we could always move somewhere else." I glanced at him "that would just be running away. Besides I'm sure if we ran from my past it would just follow us."

The train stopped and we both stood up getting off. "I don't like you being so paranoid about what everyone thinks." I shrugged "until everyone changes what they think of me I will be paranoid about it." We walked up to Bane Fashions and I looked up at the building feeling like I was going to be sick.

"You can do this Alexander. Don't care what my parents say okay? If you start to have problems just grab my hand and I'll give you my strength." I nodded squeezing his hand tight before going inside with him.

We walked into an elevator and he pushed the button for the top floor. I closed my eyes catching my breath feeling more and more stressed with every floor we passed. "Alec calm down. It's all going to be okay" Magnus said squeezing my hand again. I opened my eyes looking at him before nodding and taking some deep breathes.

The doors opened and I took one last deep breath before walking out of the elevator with him. We went down a long hallway where large framed images of Bane clothes on the runway were lined up. I looked at each of the photos as we passed "these clothes are amazing." Magnus smiled "I would hope so; all these pictures are from years of being at New York fashion Week."

I looked at him shocked "New York Fashion Week? That's super impressive." He laughed smiling "thank you but it's not very impressive to me anymore. I don't think it'll be a big deal to me unless it's my own fashion being presented."

I glanced at him "I figured you didn't actually do fashion. You said you did but I thought it was a lie." "I did lie about needing downtown to be my inspiration but I really do love making clothes. I just loved being a journalist more."

We stopped in front of a large door and Magnus looked at me "you ready?" I shook my head no "no but let's do this anyway." He nodded and opened the door pulling me inside with him. I closed my eyes taking a deep breath before opening them and going to say hello.

When I went to talk though the room was empty. Magnus looked around sighing "they must be in a meeting. They're always in a meeting." I looked up at him frowning "should we come back later?"

He shook his head taking a seat "it will be over soon enough. Take a seat and get comfortable." I shook my head walking around the office and trying to get a grasp of the Banes. There were certificates and photos of clothes everywhere but not a single family photo.

I looked at Magnus frowning "where are the embarrassing photos of you from childhood? Are they at your family home?" Magnus laughed "sorry but you won't find any of those. I spent most of my childhood with lots of nanny's. My parents always worked."

I frowned "my parents always worked but they always made the point to come home and spend time with Isabelle, me and… and Max" I said softly. It was still hard for me to talk about Max. I still hated myself for not keeping my promise to see him again. He died thinking I didn't want to see him."

Magnus stood up putting his hand on my shoulder "it's alright to talk about Max, Alexander." I frowned laying my head on his chest and wrapping my arms around him "I still can't stand that I couldn't say goodbye to Max before he died. I should have known everyone was lying to me. The moment Jace said Max was playing soccer I should have known something was up."

Magnus hugged me frowning "you couldn't have known Alexander. You were going through a lot at the time and being in Downtown was all so new for you." I looked up at him frowning "that's no excuse." Magnus looked down at me frowning looking like he wanted to say something but stopped when his parents walked through the door.

I quickly let go of Magnus blushing and I held out my hand to his parents "Hi I'm Alexander Lightwood, it's a pleasure to meet you." His mother looked at my hand skeptically but didn't try to shake it back. "Yes we've heard a lot about you" she said walking passed me going to her desk. I watched her before looking at Magnus's dad still having my hand out.

Asmodeus Bane looked me over not looking very impressed and his stare intimidated me. He had the same green eyes that Magnus had when he wasn't wearing his cat contacts. "So you're the famous Alec Lightwood?" I frowned dropping my hand "oh um yeah… that's me."

He also walked passed me and sat on the corner of the desk crossing his arms "so this is your boyfriend." Magnus nodded smiling "yep this is him." His mother looked back at me "what have you been up to since coming back uptown?" I bit my lip "um well… I went to rehab for a while."

His father nodded "that's right we heard you have a drug addiction." "Had a drug addiction" Magnus corrected. His father glanced at him before looking back at me "most drug addicts don't stay clean longer than six months." "I actually was clean for a year before… incidents happened to make me relapse.

His mother was the next to speak "incidents happen all the time. How many 'incidents' will it take to make you go running back to the drugs?" I frowned hugging myself and glancing away from them "well I… I'm trying really hard not to let that happen." "You can try but maybe trying won't be enough" his father said watching me.

Magnus frowned "father, mother, Alexander worked very hard to get clean again and I will help him stay clean. He was alone last time but now he's not." I looked at Magnus feeling bad that he had to defend me to his parents. "It's not just the drugs Magnus. It's the prostitution and gang violence" his mom said looking at him.

Magnus glared at them "mom that is all in Alec's past. He is remaking his life." His father nodded and looked at me again "okay Alexander what is it you want to do with your life now that you're clean and have your life back?" I frowned not really sure how to answer that.

I haven't really decided what it is I want to do now that I'm back in uptown. Most of my options are closed because of my past so there isn't a lot I can do. "I would like a job" I said not knowing what else to say. I really did want a job but again it will be hard to get one with my record.

Magnus rubbed his temples shaking his head "mom, dad, can you please try to be nice to Alec. I know being nice is a struggle for the two of you but you're not even trying." I looked at Magnus shocked that he just talked back to his parents like that. "Magnus you don't have to talk to them like that."

He looked at me "I do have to talk like this to them Alec. This is the only way they actually hear me." He looked back at them "I love Alec and I don't care what the two of you think I will be with him. I would like your support but I don't need it in order to be with him."

"Then why did you even let us meet him" his father asked looking at him. Magnus shrugged sighing "He wanted to meet you because he wants to know all the important people in my life. You're my parents so that automatically makes you important to me but your opinion isn't the one I take to heart." I expected his parents to be furious but they didn't even look like they cared.

Magnus's mom looked at the time before looking at her husband "it's almost time for our next meeting." His father nodded before looking at Magnus "this will be all for today." Magnus rolled his eyes "thank you for fitting us into your schedule" he said before grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the room. I looked back at his parents frowning before looking ahead at Magnus.

"We're leaving already" I asked confused. We got into the elevator and Magnus hit the button "we actually got a lot more time than I thought we would." I frowned "that wasn't even ten minutes." Magnus shrugged checking his phone "I was expecting five."

I watched him frowning "are you used to being treated like that? Is being fit into their schedule normal for you?" He nodded and shrugged like he didn't care "I'm used to it." I shook my head before taking his phone out of his hand and wrapping my arms around him hiding my face in his shoulder "I'll always have time for you."

Magnus smiled wrapping his arms around me and he kissed the top of my head "I know you will Alexander. That's one of the reasons why I love you." I stood there hugging him like that until the elevator door opened. Once it did I let him go, grabbing his hand instead and I walked out of the building with him.

Once we were outside he smiled at me "like I said before that was just practice. Are you ready to face my friends?" I frowned "your friends and your parents all in the same day?" He shrugged "My friends are a lot more important than my parents."

"I know and that's why I'm way more terrified to meet your friends than I was your parents." Magnus smiled "the fact that you care so much about what my friends think means a lot. You don't have to be worried though. They will definitely give you crap but if you just be yourself they will love you."

"Who's all going to be there" I asked starting to walk with him down the street. Magnus thought about it "Catarina, Ragnor, Tessa, Will and James." I looked at him surprised "Jem is going to be there?" He nodded looking back at me "you know him?"

I nodded "he was in rehab with me the first time. He was one of the only decent people in the place and he actually helped me a lot." Magnus smiled haling a cab "see, you will have someone there who will make you feel more comfortable." "That doesn't make me any less nervous" I said getting in the cab with him.

He told the cabbie where we were going before smiling at me "trust me Alec meeting my friends will be a lot of fun. It will be a little hard at first but I promise you once they get passed interrogating you everything will be fine."

Magnus Pov- I got out of the cab with Alec walking up to my favorite diner and Alec followed me looking up at it. "I forgot uptown even had a diner." I grabbed his hand pulling him inside "have you ever been to this place?" He shook his head no "my parents said it was beneath us."

I shook my head "believe me the food here is amazing. That diner you took me to may have had the best burger but this place has the best fries." Alec smiled at that "burgers and fries are a pretty good combo." I nodded before looking around for my friends.

They were all at the end of the room huddled around a table. They must have ordered ahead of us because they were already eating. "Those jerks. They couldn't have waited for us" I asked before walking up to them.

As me made our way over Alec clenched his hands tight getting nervous again. He really was super cute when he was nervous but I didn't take it lightly. Alec's panic attacks get bad and if he gets too stressed or nervous it could set one off. I just hope seeing my parents then my friends right after won't be too much for him.

We stopped at the table and everyone stopped talking, looking at Alec and I. "I see you all ordered without me" I said crossing my arms. "You took your sweet time so why wouldn't we order ahead of you" Ragnor asked scowling up at me. I sighed "you all have no respect for me."

Alec looked down at his feet shyly before looking up facing my friends. "Um hi… I'm Alexander Lightwood but you can call me Alec. It's a pleasure to meet you all." Everyone stared at Alec keeping quiet and Jem smiled standing up "Alec it's been so long."

He hugged Alec and Alec hugged him back patting him on the back. "Yeah I know, almost two years now." He sat back down skootching over in the booth to give Alec and I room to sit down. We sat and I introduced Alec to everyone one at a time starting with Ragnor, then Catarina, and lastly Tessa. Alec already knew Will and Jem so there was no point in introducing him to them.

Tessa was the first to start interrogating Alec. "So Alec, did you really do all of the things Magnus wrote about you?" I knew one of them would come out and say it but I figured it would have been Catarina or Ragnor. Not my sweet loving Tessa.

Alec thought about how he was going to answer this. "Well in a way yes it is true. All of it was true up to the point of me joining Raphael Santiago. At the time I was in rehab getting clean and after the article came out and situations occurred I decided to give up and I ended up actually joining him."

Jem looked at him frowning "How have you been doing with the death of your friend Jonathan?" Alec frowned more glancing away from him. There were two things Alec and I didn't talk about. His LSD trip and Jonathan Morgenstern.

I have been dying to ask Alec if he blames me for Jonathans suicide. I saw his father beat him, I found all those schools for Jonathan, and I didn't warn Alec about what Valentine was planning for him. Maybe if I spoke up Jonathan would still be alive and well today. "I have been dealing with it one day at a time" Alec said and left it at that.

"How many people did you sleep with" Will Herondale asked not even going to bother beating around the bush. Jem and Tessa both punched him in the arm and I had to hold back a laugh. Alec's face was beat red as he looked away from everyone "I couldn't tell you… I lost count after Thirty."

Wills' jaw dropped not expecting that answer and I shook my head making a mental note to kill him later. "Right well… what did you do when you worked for Raphael" Tessa asked trying to bring the conversation to a better place. This was not the topic that would do that. "I was a hitman and killed people for him" Alec said still not looking at anyone.

The group was quiet again and I bit my lip before picking up a menu "how about I order for the both of us Alexander?" Alec just nodded rubbing his arm nervously. I flagged down the waitress and told her what we wanted before looking at Ragnor "so who took over my spot as head reporter at Circle Inc.?" Ragnor chewed on a fry looking at me "Sebastian Verlac; he's not very good but he gets the job done."

"Do you miss your job at Circle Inc." Catarina asked looking at me. Alec glanced at me from the corner of his eye also wanting to know and I shook my head. "I thought that would be my dream job be frankly it just made me miserable." "I went out on a limb for you to get you that job and you only kept it for a year" Ragnor complained.

"Being a reporter sounds super boring. You're lucky you got out when you did" Will said before biting into a hamburger. Ragnor looked at him "not everyone can be like you and Jem and play music for a living." Will smirked "you wish you were as awesome as Jem and I."

"No I really don't" Ragnor said simply before looking at Alec. "So what do you plan on doing now that you're clean and living life right?" Alec frowned looking at Ragnor "to be honest I'm not sure yet. I don't really have a lot of options."

"Setting limitations for yourself will get you nowhere Alec. You have to ignore limitations and break through them to get what you want" Catarina said sipping tea. Alec listened looking like he was thinking her words over and I watched him before smiling at the waitress when our food arrived.

I ordered Alec and I each a burger, some fires and a chocolate shake. Alec looked over the food smiling "this looks perfect" he said grabbing a fry and taking a bite. I watched him chew on it and smiled at his shocked face. "These fries really are amazing" he said looking at me.

I smiled starting to eat my own food "they are heavenly." He smiled looking around eating and I started to talk to Catarina about her work at the hospital. They have been getting a lot of people injured by guns and It wasn't hard to guess that it was all coming from Valentine Morgenstern. Valentine still hasn't been found out as a drug lord and the war between him and Raphael Santiago has only gotten worse.

"Most of the bullet wounds are really sloppy. They miss vital areas that would have killed the person" Catarina said finishing off her tea. Will laughed "I bet you were a way better shot than them huh Alec" he asked looking at him. Alec didn't answer and when I looked at him I saw he wasn't paying attention.

He was staring out the window in a daze and when I looked out the window my entire body stiffened. Outside the window two guys stood, one distributing drugs and the other buying it. I looked back at Alec looking over his body and I saw his fingers were twitching as if itching to grab something he couldn't reach.

I grabbed Alec's hand making him flinch and be pulled out of his daze. He swallowed hard, taking a moment for himself before looking at me and smiling "sorry I zoned out, what was the question?" All my friends stared at him not saying a word and I frowned thinking they must have noticed what I did. Jem moved closer to Alec and grabbed his free hand smiling "you feeling okay Alec?"

Alec nodded smiling at him "I'm fine just had a moment of fuzziness. This food is amazing" he said taking his hand back and going back to eating. We all watched him worriedly before going back to eating in silence. He was trying to fight his need for drugs, I need to make sure he doesn't lose that fight.

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 **Poor Alec, a drug addiction won't be an easy thing to kick. Let's hope he doesn't take steps back.**


	2. Complicated Sexual Problems

**Yay chapter two! I really like this chapter. The last story was rated M more for drug use and violence but this story is rated M more for sexual reasons. I hope you enjoy and I look forward to hearing your opinions.**

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It's Still Complicated Chapter Two: Complicated Sexual Problems.

Alec Pov- It was five a.m. and I sat in bed staring at the clock. Fifteen hours. Fifteen more hours until I'm forced to face both my parents at a fancy dinner party. On any normal occasion fifteen hours would seem like a long time but in this case it didn't seem long enough.

I could go way more hours, month, years without seeing my parents again. Jace and Isabelle will be there but that isn't any better. I still haven't fully forgiven them for lying to me about Max. I see them like a good big brother but I barely trade words with them.

We pretty much just sit in silence during our visits until they get the hint that I don't really want to see them and they leave. Magnus tells me that I'm being harsh but I can't really help it. The big brother side of me wants to forgive them but some part of me just can't. Not completely anyway.

I can tell that Jace wants to talk about the fight we had at the rehab center. I told him he wasn't my best friend, that Jonathan was. I didn't mean it when I said Jace wasn't my best friend. Jonathan definitely is one of my best friends and so is Jace but the trust has been broken.

"Alec it's five in the morning go to sleep" Magnus whined rolling over to face me. I looked back at him before looking back at the alarm clock "can't sleep. Don't want to sleep. Too nervous."

Magnus sighed before sitting up and putting his hands on my shoulders massaging them. "We have fifteen hours until you have to face your parents. Do you plan on watching the clock all day until the party?" I shrugged "possibly."

He sighed again laying his forehead between my shoulder blades. "Alexander I'm worried about you." I frowned glancing back at him "why?" He sat up looking into my eyes "I'm worried that you're putting too much stress and pressure on yourself. I'm afraid you'll relapse."

I sighed moving away from him so I could turn around to fully face him. "You don't have to worry about me relapsing. I have you so I'm okay." He grabbed my hand entwining our fingers "I noticed you watching that drug exchange earlier."

I flinched and glanced away "I don't know what you're talking about." He touched my cheek with his free hand making me look back at him. "Alec don't lie to me. I saw you looking at them and I saw your hands fidgeting."

I frowned leaning forward and putting my forehead to his closing my eyes. "I've done drugs for two years. I can't just get over it without any struggle. I may never get over it."

Magnus ran his hand into my hair keeping my forehead to his. "I know the struggle may never end but I want you to be able to come to me when you are feeling weak. When you get the urge to get high or you see someone with drugs I want you to run to me. I'll hold you and kiss you; I'll do whatever you need for me to help you."

He let out a sigh of relief. I didn't even know I was holding my breath but hearing Magnus's words made me feel like I could breathe again. "I love you" I whispered. He pressed his lips to mine, slow and soft before smiling against my lips "I love you too."

He kissed me again keeping his hand deep in my hair and he used his other free hand to lay me down. Once my head hit the pillow I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him so he was pressed against me. Magnus broke the kiss and started slowly kissing down my neck as I leaned my head back to give him room.

He licked up my neck making a soft moan escape passed my lips. His warm fingers trailed down my chest making my heart stutter under his touch. I have been with so many men I have lost count but none of those people made me feel how Magnus did. When Magnus touches me every inch of my skin ignites with fire and butterflies form in my stomach.

His touch went lower and lower, going under the waistband of my sweatpants. Seeing as I don't wear boxers under my sweats to go to sleep Magnus's hands ended up in a spot they never have before. Before his fingers would go anywhere else though Magnus met my eyes silently asking me what I wanted him to do.

I searched his eyes wondering how far I can go without breaking my no sex pact. "You can get me off but that's it… I'm still not ready for anything else." It was only a matter of time before these heated kisses and caresses just wouldn't be enough. I knew sooner or later we would have to do something more to fight our need.

I haven't done any of these things sober in I don't know how long. I have always been a little bit buzzed enough so I could still feel it and give someone pleasure in return but I didn't have to think too hard about what I was doing. Magnus reached further down into my sweats before grabbing hold of my already hardening erection. The moment his hot hands came in contact with my sensitive skin my head fell back and a silent moan passed my lips.

It has been forever since someone has touched me there and I didn't know how much I missed it. This was different though. For once I was happy someone was touching me like this. For once I wanted them to continue. Magnus's eyes searched my body for a moment before he started stroking me in his hand.

The sensation of feeling that friction made me unable to close my mouth. Slow pants escaped me not able to stop. All these familiar needy noises were coming out of my mouth like they always did only they were different. I always faked these noises; always pretended like my partner was giving me the ultimate pleasure. For the first time in my life I had no control over my voice. Nothing was faked here.

Magnus's hand sped up as he jacked me off making my voice rise and speed up as well. It felt so good that I couldn't stop myself from thrusting into his hand. "God you're so cute" Magnus said softly before leaning down and capturing my mouth with his own. He kissed me passionately conveying all his love for me but all I could do was pant in his mouth.

I could feel Magnus's love for me in everything. Every touch, every kiss, every time our chests would meet and I could feel his heart pounding against my own rapidly beating heart. "Magnus, I love you" I moaned into his mouth before arching my back and letting out a cry of release. I came in his hand as Magnus sweetly kissed me all throughout my high.

Once I calmed down and caught my breath Magnus pulled his hand out of my pants and cleaned it with some tissue. I forced my eyes open watching him before glancing at his boxer shorts he was going to sleep in. Getting me off must have made Magnus happy because he was pitching a tent in his boxers.

I caught my breath for a couple more seconds before sitting up and putting my hand on Magnus's shoulder pushing him down on his back. "Now it's your turn." Magnus raised an eyebrow smiling playfully "oh really?" I nodded smirking "I've been told I give the best blow jobs. Want to see if they're right?"

Magnus's eyes glazed over as if he wanted nothing more but his body language changed. His body stiffened and he sat up rolling off the bed "not tonight Alexander, you need to get some sleep. I'll just go take a quick cold shower." I frowned looking up at him "I'm not tired Magnus and I can help you be relieved."

He shook his head "I'm fine really." I frowned up at him looking into his eyes "did I do something wrong?" Magnus quickly leaned down and kissed me hard on the mouth. It took me off guard but I kissed him back none the less.

Once he pulled away he cupped my face in his hands looking into my eyes. "You did absolutely nothing wrong Alexander. Thank you for thinking of me but you haven't had any real sleep in two days. You've been woken up by nightmares almost every night."

"What does that have to do with this" I asked frowning. "You need some sleep and now that you've been relieved you might be able to relax and actually get some good sleep. I rather you do that then waste time you could be sleeping giving me head." "I'm not really liking your argument here" I said honestly.

He smiled sweetly at me "please get some sleep babe. I will take a quick cold shower and I'll be right back in bed. You have a long night ahead of you seeing your parents. You will need all the strength you can get."

I frowned but nodded "if you say so." He smiled and gave me a quick kiss before turning and going into the bathroom connected to our room. I frowned getting up and changed before laying back down, laying my head on my pillow. If I didn't know any better, I would think Magnus didn't want to be intimate with me.

I rolled onto my back looking up at the ceiling frowning. Why wouldn't Magnus want to get a blowjob from me? Is it because I have been with so many men? Is it because my mouth has given too many blowjobs?

What about sex then? When the time comes will Magnus be able to have sex with me? Will he be able to ignore all the people I have been with before him? What if he can't ignore it and he leaves me?

I sighed not wanting to think about such things. This was ridiculous. Magnus made it clear many times that he doesn't care that I have been with so many people and he will love me no matter what. I'm just stressing myself out over stupid shit.

I sighed closing my eyes "god I wish I was high right now." I opened my eyes again frowning, hearing those words come out of my mouth. I shook my head quickly before hiding my face in my pillow trying to make horrible thoughts of getting high go away.

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The next morning, I watched Magnus sleep next to me wondering if I should address my fears with him. I could ask him out front if he's disgusted with me and doesn't want me touching him intimately. If I ask him that what if he gets angry or tells me I'm crazy? What if he thinks I'm obsessive over sex?

I kind of am being obsessive but these thoughts haven't left my mind all night long. Between those thoughts and the thoughts of getting high, it was pretty much another night of tossing and turning and no sleep. When Magnus got out of the shower he went right to sleep having been tired from one being woken up, and two most likely pleasuring himself in the shower. I rolled on my back huffing, not happy about that possibility.

I offered to help him. I offered to suck him off and if he didn't want that I could have still given him a hand job. I've been told many times that I also give the best hand jobs. He denied me though and most likely pleasured himself for no reason.

I turned back on my side just staring at him intensely as he slept. My head was swimming with questions. 'why don't you want me?' 'What did I do wrong?' 'Do you find me disgusting?'

A memory of my father telling me I was disgusting came to mind and I frowned remembering my original problem of today. I have to face my parents. The parents who threw me out and kept my dying little brother from me. The last time I saw my mom was the day I was kicked out of the house.

The last time I saw my father was a year ago when he came to the rehab center and pretty much threw my failure in my face. My father hurt me more than anyone else in the whole world. Even all the things Magnus did to me couldn't compare to how my father made me feel. It seems that they're both heading in the same direction now.

My father thought I was disgusting and that was before I even did prostitution. If Magnus says those words to me, if Magnus calls me disgusting then it's all over for my sanity. If Magnus ever left me or hurt me again, I don't think I would be able to survive. I would probably kill myself.

The thought of suicide made me think of Jonathan laying on his bed cold and lifeless after swallowing pills. Magnus asks me about Jonathan but I haven't been able to talk to him about it. Jonathan has been a part of some of my recent nightmares. In the dream he holds out a hand full of pills to me and says we should die together.

The dream will go in one of two ways. Sometimes I take the pills and we both end up dying together. Other times I reject the pills and Jonathan dies on his own but not before saying he hates me and won't forgive me for not dying with him. The real Jonathan always told me to never give up on myself but dream Jonathan made it hard to believe he still felt that way.

"You're awake already" Magnus's tired voice asked, breaking through my thoughts. I blinked a couple times before looking back at him. His hair was tussled in that cute just woke up way and his green eyes were sleepy. I stared down at him wondering if I should bring up last night but I decided against it.

"Didn't get much sleep. Still stressing over seeing my parents tonight." It wasn't a lie; it just wasn't all the truth. He sighed sitting up and touching my cheek "Alexander you really need to start getting the right amounts of sleep. The doctor said you can't have sleeping meds so I don't know how else to help you relax."

I shrugged "I'm alright Magnus really. I've always had nightmares that's nothing new. I would get high to avoid having the nightmares but since I can't do that anymore we have to figure something else out. Having you lying next to me is a good start. Seeing you there when I wake up from a bad dream always helps me feel better."

Especially when I have the nightmare of stabbing him to death during my LSD trip. I also sometimes have dreams of the day I tried to kill Valentine through the window in his office. The bullet missed Magnus by inches but in my dreams it always hits him in the head. Maybe I'm afraid of hurting Magnus, that could be what my dreams are telling me.

"I'm glad I help you feel better but maybe you should see a therapist. Get to the bottom of all the meanings of your nightmares" Magnus suggested. I sighed rubbing my eyelids tiredly "Magnus I don't trust therapists you know that." He nodded "I do know that but it could help you a lot Alec."

I dropped my hand looking into his pleading eyes before sighing "fine, I'll think about seeing a therapist." He smiled leaning in for a quick peck of the lips "thank you." I kissed him again before getting out of bed "what's the plan for today until the party?" Magnus looked at the time "it's only nine so we have a few hours to go. I'm going out with Tessa and Camille to get a spa day for tonight. Do you want to come?"

I wrinkled my nose at the thought of going to get my hair and nails done. "Um… no thank you." He nodded grabbing his phone "I'll text Jace to come hang out with you then." I frowned looking back at him "I don't need a babysitter Magnus. I haven't been alone once since getting out of rehab."

Magnus got out of bed and he walked up to me wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me close. "I'm sorry Alec but I don't feel comfortable leaving you by yourself yet. I would be worried about you all day." "Worried that I'll run out and find the closest drug dealer? I have no money Magnus."

He looked into my eyes pleadingly again. He always won these conversations when he gave me that look. "Alec please just spend time with Jace. You won't always have to be watched but for now it gives me peace of mind."

I let out a long agitated sigh before laying my head on his chest "why Jace? Why can't it be Izzy or one of your friends?" He put his hand under my chin making me look up at him "you and Jace need to patch things up." I glanced away from him frowning "I hurt him really bad."

Magnus kissed my forehead before letting me go and going into his closet "well I think a nice long chat will fix that right up." I rolled my eyes "sure a nice long chat with Jace, seeing Michael Wayland at the party tonight and apologizing him, and also facing my parents and your parents once again. Sure my anxiety won't go through the roof. I'll be great."

Magnus poked his head out of the closet looking at me "no need for sarcasm darling" he said before going back into the closet. I crossed my arms "but seriously Magnus, this night will be stressful enough as it is. Do I really need to have a stressful day as well?" Magnus walked out of the closet wearing dark blue skinny jeans and a black long sleeved shirt with bling and small chains on his shoulders. The words on the shirt looked like white spray paint saying 'Rock is a State of Mind.'

He moved over to his makeup table looking in the mirror and put in his cat eye contacts before starting to apply eyeliner. "Maybe it won't be stressful for you. Maybe patching things up with Jace will help you lose some of that stress. You said you forgave your siblings but you haven't really been acting like you meant it."

"They lied to me about my brother being dead Magnus. It's not like the time I threw Jace's leather jacket in the washer and he stopped talking to me for a week. He did something horrible to me and it's hard to look passed it." Magnus looked back at me shocked "why would you put leather in the washer?"

I shook my head "is that seriously all you got from what I said?" He shrugged going back to doing his makeup "I think a proper one on one talk with Jace will be a good step in the right direction." I shrugged thinking about it "you may be right" He stood up smiling, fully finished applying his makeup "I'm always right darling."

I shook my head smiling "not always." He walked up and wrapped his arms around me again "okay. I'm right most of the time." I leaned forward smiling putting my nose to his "more like every once in a while."

"ouch that's harsh" Magnus said smiling before kissing me softly. I kissed him back happily before he pulled away still smiling "I have to go meet the girls." I rolled my eyes smiling, walking him out of the room and to the door "don't go to crazy." He smirked at me "crazy things happen at the spa."

I rolled my eyes before shoving him out the door "just go." He looked back at me saying "I love you" before turning and rushing down the stairs. I watched him, laying my head on the door frame and losing my smile "I love you too." I have no doubt that Magnus loves me but what if he can't love me physically?

The look in his eyes told me that he wanted me but his body said different. He said he wanted me to get some sleep and yeah that was nice of him to think about me but was that really why he said no? I can't help but think that he doesn't want me sexually. Shaking my head, I went back inside going to the kitchen to make coffee.

Magnus usually stays with me until someone comes to watch me but this time he went ahead. He must be slowly trusting me to be on my own if only for a few minutes. I could easily escape in these few minutes and he knows that but he gave me these minutes alone anyway. Those minutes didn't last long though because the buzzer went off.

Sighing, I grabbed my coffee mug and went to the door pushing the button to let Jace in. He climbed the stairs and once he was in the apartment we just stared at each other in awkward silence. Normally it was both Isabelle and Jace here together to watch me but today it was just him. "Morning Jace" I said going to the kitchen to get him a cup of coffee.

He followed me "how was your night" he asked awkwardly. I shrugged pouring some coffee in a mug for him before handing it to him. "I didn't get much sleep. I'm not thrilled to see our parents."

Our parents, Magnus's parents, Michael Wayland, and worst of all Valentine. The man who kept me captive and drugged me for days will be there as well. At this point my head was screaming at me asking why the hell I was even going to this party. It's for Magnus.

Magnus is dipping his toe into the fashion world and tonight he's meeting a lot of important people. He said he wants me there for support but honestly I feel like I would drag him down. Why would you want to show off your ex prostitute, druggie, hitman boyfriend to future investors? I never understand Magnus's way of thinking.

"Why isn't Isabelle with you" I asked looking back at Jace. He looked into his coffee as if thinking about what he should say. "What, did she die too" I asked not able to keep the bitterness out of my voice. Jace looked at me shocked "of course not. I told her I wanted to have a talk alone with you."

I grabbed my mug again moving into the living room "what do we have to talk about?" We had a lot to talk about but I really didn't want to talk about them. He followed me, leaving the coffee on the counter. "We have a lot to talk about… I need to tell you something that may make you upset."

I sat on the couch looking into my coffee, not wanting to look at him. "What can you possibly say that can make me more upset than not telling me my brothers dead?" Jace sat down slamming his hand on the coffee table "damn it Alec when will you forgive me? I'm trying to tell you something important that may impact my future and you're stuck in the past."

"Stuck in the past" I yelled outraged. He had the nerve to blow it off like he didn't do anything wrong. "Alec, Isabelle and I have paid for what we did to you. We lost you for almost two years. Do you know how terrifying and unbearable that was for the both of us?"

I glanced away from him keeping quiet and he continued. "You told me I wasn't your best friend anymore. Do you know how much that tore me up inside? I know what Isabelle and I did hurt you but you hurt us too. You lied too."

I glanced back at him keeping quiet. I did lie to them about how I was living downtown. I told them I had a safe job and lived in a nice apartment. In truth I was sleeping around and lived in a building practically falling apart.

"I didn't want the two of you to worry" I said softly. "Well we didn't want you to worry either. We didn't want you to be in anymore pain or feel worse about yourself. We thought we were doing the right thing."

Silence broke out between us and for a long while neither of us tried to break it. Jace finally did though asking softly "why didn't you tell me you were raped?" I looked at him giving him the most furious gaze I could muster. "We don't talk about that. We never talk about that!"

Jace shrunk back from my raised voice. I don't think I've ever seen Jace shrink back from anything. "Alec… you need to talk to someone about it." "No I don't, if this is what you wanted to talk about then you can just leave!"

His eyes searched my face for a moment before he sighed "fine I'll drop it." I crossed my arms "what is the important thing you had to talk to me about?" "I'm bringing a date" he said softly. I raised an eyebrow at that "what does that have to do with me? I'm not in love with you anymore remember?"

He rolled his eyes "I know that Alec. I just don't want you to have a problem with who I bring." It was my turn to roll my eyes "why would I have a problem with who you date?" He looked me in the eye as he said "because It's Clary Morgenstern."

My entire body stiffened at the name. Clary Morgenstern was Jonathans little sister and was the Morgenstern that Valentine always wanted. Jonathan said he loved his sister but he also hated her because her being born made Valentine be even harder on him. "Why would you want to date her" I asked coldly.

"Alec, Clary is nothing like Valentine. She is sweet, headstrong, and she cared about Jonathan." I wanted to call bull on that. If she cared for her brother, then she should have tried to help him. "Alec I really like Clary. I think I may be in love with her but I need you to like her. I don't want you two to be awkward around each other."

"I can't promise that" I said simply. Jace frowned "why not?" I sighed running my hand over my face "Jace, you can't just make me like someone. I will meet her and try to be as unbiased as possible. That's all I can promise you."

Jace didn't look satisfied but he took what he could get. "Thank you." I nodded running my finger around the rim of my cup going back to being lost in my self-loathing. Jace took notice of this and asked "Is something on your mind?"

I looked at him "yes but I really don't think you want to hear about it. It's Magnus stuff." Jace smiled leaning forward "no need to keep it all bottled up Alec. You can talk to me about your relationship with Magnus. As your best friend I'm very open to your relationship problems."

I shook my head "No Jace seriously I don't think you can handle listening to this problem. I could maybe get away with talking to Izzy about it but you wouldn't want to hear it." "Come on tell me" he said looking like a puppy with a treat being held over his head.

I guess to him if I tell him about my relationship problems that means we're back on best friend status. "Fine I'll tell you but don't say I didn't warn you." Jace nodded smiling "I can handle it Alec. Tell me whatever is on your mind."

I took a deep breath before saying "Magnus jacked me off last night and it felt really good but when I tried to give him a blowjob he wouldn't let me. At first he looked all into it but when I brought up my past blowjobs he changed. He went to take a cold shower instead meaning he jacked himself off. I was perfectly capable of doing that for him but he wouldn't let me."

"I have done many sexual favors for many men and I have been told multiple times that I'm amazing, heavenly even. Maybe it's the fact that I have been fucked by so many guys that he doesn't want me sexually. Maybe he thinks I'm disgusting and doesn't want anything to do with me."

"Being a prostitute made me love sex. Like I really, really like it and I hope to one day have mind blowing sex with Magnus. What if he doesn't want me though? What if he thinks I'm damaged goods just like the he does in my nightmares?"

"I really want to have sex with Magnus but I am also trying to refrain from going too fast. This is all really frustrating and I don't know what to do. Should I not wait? What should I do Jace?"

I caught my breath after all of that came out and I looked at Jace waiting for an answer. Jace was staring at me looking completely in shock. He didn't move an inch and for a moment I thought I broke him. He shook his head getting out of his shocked state before laying on the couch and pulling a pillow to his chest looking like a traumatized child.

"I tried to tell you, you wouldn't want to know" I said not able to help but smile at him. Seeing him stunned to silence, shaking in horror on the couch was like old times when I would tell him how I thought his friends were hot. "Okay… maybe this was an Isabelle talk" Jace said shuddering. My sex life was something I'm sure Jace never wanted to hear about.

I stood up walking behind the couch and I leaned down rubbing Jace's head "how about you take a moment for yourself? I'm going to go take a shower and figure out what to wear tonight." He nodded not losing his tight grip on the pillow. "yeah… I need a minute."

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 **So I am sure I'm going to be throwing you all some angst and hardship. (come on, you all know me) I feel like I should give you all a shred of hope to hold onto during the dark times. I am making you all a promise. Alec and Magnus will at no point of this story break up. They have been there and done that so they know better. However that doesn't mean they won't have hardships. I'll leave it at that ;)**


	3. The Complicated Party From Hell

**I had other things to work on but I couldn't help but update this story right away. Hope you all like it and hope to read your opinions.**

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It's Still Complicated Chapter Three: The Complicated Party from Hell

Alec Pov- I stared up at the building where the party was being held. It was the same building where Jem's birthday party was being held and I found out about Max's death. "We're really late" I said looking at Magnus. Magnus took forever to choose an outfit and fix his makeup.

"We're fashionably late my dear. That's normal for me so people expect it." I hugged my stomach frowning "well I used to always be on time. I don't know what people are expecting of me."

Magnus pulled my arms off my body before grabbing one of my hands and entwining our fingers. "You will do amazing Alexander. Just be yourself and keep your head up high." I took a deep breath before nodding "you're right."

He smiled and gave me a quick kiss before walking inside with me. The inside of the building was the same as it was the day of Jem's birthday party. Tables were moved around to make more room for guests to stand around but besides that the tables and marble floors were the same. The moment we walked into the room everyone became hushed and every eye was on us.

The awkward stares burned into my skin making me feel like I was being pinned down by an invisible force. My brain screamed at me to run away but I couldn't bring myself to do that. Magnus needed me to be here to support him and I needed to break my habit of running away.

Magnus put his arm around me squeezing my shoulder and I glanced back at him before looking forward and walking more into the room with him. People watched us as we passed and the awkward silence was suffocating. "Magnus, Alec over here" Isabelle called making her voice echo throughout the room. We moved over to her and she hugged me smiling "I'm so happy you're here" she said loudly, as if she wanted everyone to hear her.

I blushed looking at her "keep your voice down Izzy." She rolled her eyes "oh please. I'm happy to see my brother there's nothing wrong with that." She let me go and I looked over at Jace frowning.

He was standing next to Isabelle with his arm around a short girl with bright orange hair and Jonathans bright green eyes. "Alec this is Clary Morgenstern" he said watching me cautiously. Clary held out her hand to shake mine smiling "it's nice to meet you Alec." I looked at her hand wondering if I should be nice and shake it back.

What I really wanted to do was scream at her asking her why she let her parents treat her brother the way they did and tell her to get the hell away from me. I promised Jace I would give her a chance though and so many people are watching me that screaming at her would make their opinions of me worse. Reluctantly I held my hand out to Clary grabbing hers and shaking it "it's very nice to meet you." She smiled shaking my hand back before letting it go.

Shaking her hand seemed to break some kind of magic spell. The moment we let go of each other everyone finally stopped watching me and went back to chatting amongst themselves. I looked around at everyone before looking back at Isabelle "are our parents here yet?" She nodded "yeah they are in the dinning area with some business associates. Do you want to see them now and get it over with?" I shook my head grabbing a glass of Champaign as a man holding a whole tray of glasses walked by "I need some drinks in me first."

I chugged down the glass and once It was empty Magnus took it out of my hand frowning "Alec you can have a couple of those but don't go crazy. You know how you get when you drink." Around the first month of living with Magnus I replaced taking drugs with drinking alcohol. It got to the point where I was drunk all the time and started yelling at Magnus for no reason.

He cut me off from alcohol after that putting it on the long list of things I'm not allowed to have. The fact that he was letting me drink at least a little bit proved how much he understood my stress. "I promise I'll only have two glasses." Magnus nodded before walking away, going up to Tessa and Catarina.

"Are you really going to only drink two glasses" Izzy asked looking at me. I shrugged drinking the rest of my drink more slowly now. "I said I would but I guess we will see how the night goes." I sighed looking around the room "guess I should get started socializing."

I looked across the room seeing Magnus's parents talking to a small group of people. Magnus walked away from his friends and walked up to his parents saying hello to them. Each of his parents kissed him on both his cheeks like people in France do and after that exchange Magnus walked away and his parents went back to talking to their workers. I frowned watching all of this "seriously, that's all?"

Jace looked at them before looking back at me "what?" I looked at him "his parents barely acknowledged him. They gave him a quick kiss and went back to talking to other people. Magnus doesn't even care. He's so used to being pushed aside that he doesn't even think twice about it."

Isabelle shrugged "maybe it doesn't bother him. If it's been that way all his life, then I'm sure he's used to it." "I don't like them. Parents should take the time to talk to their kids no matter how busy they are." "You can't really control that Alec" Jace said watching me.

I drank my last swallow of Champaign before handing him my glass "whatever, I'm going to start making my way around." I walked away from him wondering where I should start to talk to people. It used to be so easy for me to just walk up to anyone and talk business with them. Now it was the most complicated thing in the world.

"Alec, I'm so glad you're here" Michael Waylands voice came from behind me. I turned around looked at him "Mr. Wayland, I was hoping to run into you tonight." Actually I was hoping I wouldn't run into him. I felt horrible that he paid all that money for me to go into rehab and I just ended up running away.

"You can just call me Michael. How have you been; it's been awhile since I've seen you." I frowned at him meeting his smiling face. He seemed so carefree like he didn't care that I pretty much broke his trust and took advantage of him.

"I'm really sorry" I blurted out feeling the guilt rise up in my chest. He blinked in confusion "sorry about what?" "you invited me into your home, paid for my rehab, and treated me with kindness and respect. I repaid you by stealing your pain killers and running away from rehab."

Michael glanced away scratching the back of his head "I would be lying if I said it didn't cause me any problems. You don't need to apologize though, Magnus told me about what that nurse tried to do to you." I frowned remembering the nurse who wanted me to sleep with him to pay for Jonathans drugs he used to commit suicide. He tried to rape me then turned it around saying I was the one who tried to rape him.

"well… I'm still sorry about taking your pain killers out of your bathroom mirror while I was at your home. The nurses took them away from me before I had a chance to use them." He smiled but his smile seemed a little awkward as he said "those weren't pain killers. They were my anti depression medication."

I frowned "why would you need those? You seem like one of the happiest people I know." He shrugged "I'm good at putting on a happy face. Years of pretending not to be in love with your best friend has its advantages I guess."

"What's it like being at these parties when you know my father is here?" He shrugged "I'm used to it" he said before taking a big chug of his Champaign. It seemed I wasn't the only nervous drinker. "He said you told him I was in rehab; does that mean you two still talk?"

He frowned at that "sorry I told him about you being there. I was hoping he would have a change of heart and fix things with you. I'm guessing that's not what happened." I shook my head no "he pretty much told me I was a screw up and it's my own fault I ended up the way I did."

Some classical music started playing and I looked over at the orchestra frowning. "I am to blame for the choices I made in life. I won't deny he was right about that. He treats the situation like he didn't do anything wrong though and that's not okay. Him and mom were the reasons I was forced into that life."

Michael nodded "maybe in time they will see that. Have you spoken to them yet?" I shook my head no. "I haven't even seen them yet but I'm terrified of when I do." He put his hand on my shoulder squeezing it "don't let anything they say to you bring you down. You have the right to be here."

I looked at him meeting his eyes again "that's the thing; I feel like I don't have the right to be here. I looked around and there's judgmental looks in every corner. I used to be the person in the room everyone respected but now… now I'm a joke. Nothing but a washed up whore."

"Don't think of yourself as the boy who slept around and did drugs. You are Alec Lightwood the boy who survived Downtown and all its trials. You are strong, intelligent and caring. You are the strongest person here and don't let anyone make you think differently."

I felt tears well up in my eyes but I quickly wiped them away before I could shed them. Magnus and my siblings say things like that to me but to hear someone who isn't forced to say it means so much more. It feels like the truth. It gives me hope that even I can be accepted into this world one day.

"Thank you for your kind words Michael." He smiled at me before walking away going to talk to some other people. I watched him thinking about all of the things he just said to me. I hope he was right about me being all those things. I want to be a survivor.

"Alexander, there you are" Magnus said excitedly, walking up to me. I smiled turning to face him "hey, sorry I was talking to Michael Wayland." Magnus nodded grabbing my hand "come with me. I want you to meet one of my new investors."

I frowned biting my lip and I looked up at him "are you sure that's a good idea?" "They will find out about you anyway so they might as well know about you out of the gate." I took a deep breath before nodding "fine I'll meet him." Magnus smiled and pulled me to the other side of the large room.

We stopped in front of a tall older gentlemen in a gray suit with his back turned to us. "Mr. Portman, this is my boyfriend Alexander." I took a breath before putting on a smile and holding my hand out to shake his "it's great to meet you, sir." Mr. Portman turned around looked down at me and my entire body tensed up once I got a look at his face.

Magnus's investor was one of my old customers. Not only that but he was one that I would see on a regular basis. Mr. Portman fully turned around and he grabbed my hand shaking it "it's nice to meet you Alexander." His body language made it seem like this was our first time meeting but his intense eyes on me told me he remembered me.

"Mr. Portman here is going to invest money into my fashion line. He said he can get my clothes in high end stores in as little as three months." I looked at Magnus "why not use your parents company? You're a Bane so I'm sure they would let you."

Magnus shook his head "I don't want to piggy back off my parents. I want to start from the bottom and work my way up. Magnus Bane will be a name that stands all on its' own without my parents' influence." I nodded understanding and I looked back at Mr. Portman "thank you for supporting Magnus then."

He smiled "Magnus has real talent with fashion it would be a shame not to let the world see it. I'm sure his clothes will just fly off the shelf and whatever makes me more money makes me happy." I couldn't help but wonder if all the money Magnus will gain him will go to prostitutes. "You have yourself a real looker here Magnus, I'm jealous. I'm sure anyone would love to be with him" Portman said staring down at me.

His gaze was making me uncomfortable. Especially with Magnus standing right there completely oblivious to all this guy's obvious sexual advances he's throwing my way. "I hope to see you again Alexander" he said before walking away. The way he said Alexander was in a mocking way; he only knew me as Alec.

I watched him walk away and Magnus smiled excitedly "I can't believe I have my own investor already. Mr. Portman has access to all the best stores all over the world. My clothes can literally go anywhere." I glanced at Magnus wondering if I should tell him or not.

He already found me sexually undesirable so would telling him I slept with his investor make him feel even more grossed out by me? Magnus may not want to work with him after he finds out and there goes Magnus's chances of his clothes getting out there. I have slept with so many people there's really no avoiding seeing them again.

I took a moment to look around the room and I frowned noticing that there were indeed a lot of men I slept with attending this party. They were staying as far as possible from me not wanting to be associated with the guy they fucked behind closed doors. Most of these men were standing around with their wives and children. I was just the escape they needed to get away from their real lives.

I felt really dirty all of a sudden. Everywhere I looked there was at least one person I have been with. What does that say about me? What does it say about them? They so easily judged me when walking in here but they themselves didn't have the guts to follow their hearts like I did.

Am I a coward for being my true self and choosing not to hide being gay? Were they cowards for hiding themselves? How easy it would have been for me to turn out like them. Marrying some girl, I didn't love and having a family with her. Living life day by day in a lie until I finally broke and have to resort to sleeping with some whore to quench my real needs.

How unsatisfying a life like that must be; I would have been able to keep my parents but would that have been a worthy prize? The price for my parents' love would have been so great of a toll. I most likely would have been crushed under it. How sad that I have to buy my parents love by giving up my true self.

I looked at Magnus meeting his gorgeous green gold eyes. How did he feel about his parents? Does he want his parents love? Would he give up his true self to get it?

"Why do you look so sad and lost in thought" Magnus asked leaning forward and putting his forehead to mine. I closed my eyes leaning into him "I'm just thinking about how sad uptown truly is. I used to think being an up towner meant you had freedom but now I see it's full of chains and limitations. It's really sad when you think about it."

"Don't think about it. Think about happy things like dancing with your dashing boyfriend." Magnus moved away from me before grabbing my hands and pulling me to the middle of the dance floor. I frowned but followed him "Magnus, I haven't danced since the last time we were here."

He smiled pulled me close and wrapping his arms around my waist "it won't hurt just to sway back and forth." I frowned glancing around at everyone and Magnus made me look at him "Alexander don't pay attention to them. Don't look at or think of anyone else but me."

I looked up into his eyes again getting lost in them. I could see myself in his eyes as he stared down at me with all the love in the world. I finally gave in, wrapping my arms around his neck and starting to sway with him. He smiled making his arms be tighter around me as he moved with me.

People were close by also dancing to the classical music but I felt like it was just me and him. Every time I looked into Magnus's eyes I felt like he and I were the only people in the world. I thought about last year when I tried so hard to deny my feelings for him. I didn't want to think there was actually a shred of hope that I could be saved.

Magnus did save me though. He hurt me but he also gave me my life back. He gave me love, happiness, and hope for the future. For once in my life I felt like all my dreams could come true as long as Magnus was by my side.

I moved one hand away from around his neck and I pressed it to his cheek "I love you Magnus." Magnus smiled leaning into my touch. "Aku cinta kamu" he said softly. I smiled sweetly loving when he spoke like that.

Magnus was originally born in Indonesia but he said he didn't feel right using the language. He said they felt heavy on his tongue and felt like he had to mean them when he said them. The only time he ever spoke it was when he tells me he loves me. It makes the words feel even stronger.

I closed my eyes leaning in to kiss him. His lips were inches from mine, his warm breath caressing my lips softly. Our lips didn't get a chance to touch though because a booming voice yelled "what are you doing here!?" I turned my head looking behind me, frowning when I saw my parents there looking furious.

My father was fuming, looking beyond angry that I was in his presence. I let go of Magnus before turning to face my parents. "Mother, father. It's been a long time."

It has been three years since I've seen my mother but she hasn't changed at all. She stood up straight with her hair tied back and her face in a permanent serious scowl. She was just as bad as my father when it came to accepting my sexuality. She had so many hopes for me to marry one of her business friends' daughters.

"Alexander is my plus one" Magnus said looking at my father. "He lives Uptown so he has the right to attend these parties." I glanced back at Magnus before looking at my parents again. My father smirked crossing his arms "do you plan on sleeping with everyone here Alexander? Why else would you be here?"

I don't know what felt worse. The fact that my father just called me a slut or the fact that I already have slept with most of the people here. "I changed my life. I don't do that anymore" I said trying to sound calm. In truth I was terrified.

"What is it you do, do then Alexander" my mother asked. "Mooching off Magnus Bane like the gold digger he is" father said staring at me intensely. I clenched my fists trying to get my hands to stop shaking. I wanted nothing more, then to run away.

"Alec is not a gold digger and he is working to get better. Despite all of the horrible things the two of you caused him to go through he's choosing to live his life" Magnus said coming to my defense. My father ignored him still looking at me "you don't belong here Alexander." "yes I do" I said softly, not having the will to talk above a whisper.

"Robert what do you get out of talking to him like that? Him being here isn't bothering you in anyway so just leave him alone" Michael said looking at my father. My father glanced at him keeping quiet before glaring at him and turning away walking out of the room. My mother gave me her cold stare a little longer before turning and following him.

I quickly moved away from Magnus and moved over to the refreshment table grabbing a glass of Champaign and chugging it down. I grabbed another glass chugging that one as well. I grabbed a third glass going to chug that as well but Magnus grabbed it from me frowning "Alec please stop." Looking up at him I could feel the beginning of tears stinging my eyes.

I looked away blinking them away "I shouldn't be surprised they made a scene huh? Of course they wouldn't miss the chance to make me feel bad." Magnus frowned watching me "I don't think you're a gold digger Alec you know that." I nodded "I know but that doesn't stop others from thinking it."

"I keep telling you to stop caring about what people think of you. These people's opinions don't affect your life." "yes it does Magnus. I will never be able to get a job or do anything because of my past. Everyone in New York knows what I've done and who I am. I want to have a reason for being alive."

Magnus frowned watching me "you're alive for me." I smiled sadly touching his arm "I know that and I am thankful to have you. I need more. I feel like something's missing from my life and I want to find it. I won't be able to do that if everyone keeps my sins over my head."

Magnus watched me silently like he was thinking of what to say next. Someone from a little way away called out to him wanting him to go over to them. He looked over in the direction before looking back at me "that's another investor. You and I are going to talk about this when we get home tonight okay?"

I sighed nodding "okay." "No more drinks" he said before walking over to the group of people. I watched him before wandering into another room. I wanted some peace and quiet; there was no way I was gonna get that in there.

I walked out the back door, ending up on a balcony with a great view of the city. I expected there to be silence but instead there was a loud crying noise. A woman was walking around rocking a child, looking dead tired. From the size of the child it couldn't have been more than eight months old.

The baby screamed out obviously wanting something but the mother couldn't figure out what. She seemed so beaten down by life. I wondered if I should offer to help her but decided against it and started to walk back into the party. I don't know what made me stop; some kind of magical force or instinct I don't really know.

Whatever it was it made me stop and look back behind me just as the mother walked up to the balcony and held the baby out dangling it over the railing. The baby screamed out as if knowing it's life was in danger. I sprang into action running over to save it "what are you doing!"

The woman looked back at me scared and she faced me still holding the child over the railing. "This baby is nothing but a burden! All he does is scream; he never stops screaming! I didn't want this baby!"

I held my hands up trying to calm her down "don't do anything rash. Where is the babies' dad?" Her face looked even more pained if possible. "His father is a monster. Just some scum of the earth that attacked me in the middle of the night."

I frowned looking at the baby. So he was a rape baby? "That's not the child's fault. Your baby loves you, you're its mother."

She shook her head closing her eyes tight. "I don't want to be a mother. I can't handle this child any longer. I want it out of my life!"

I looked around frantically wondering what I should do when suddenly it came to me. "Give the child to me then. I'll figure out what to do with it. Please don't deny this child the chance to live."

The woman looked at me shaking "why should it be able to live? It was born from rape and pain." "That wasn't the child's fault. I know what you're going through, I have been raped too and I know it's easy to just blame others. You can't blame this baby though. Please give it to me."

She watched me hesitating before slowly talking the baby away from the balconies edge. I walked over to her and the moment the child was in a safe area I carefully took it out of her arms. The moment the child was in my arms the girl ran inside leaving behind the child and I. I watched her sighing with relief before looking down at the child.

It was a boy with black hair, tan skin like his mother, and he had pretty blue eyes. My entire body froze as the memory of my dream from rehab came to mind. In that dream Magnus and I adopted a little boy who looked just like him. We named him Max and I remember feeling absolute love looking down at him.

I was feeling that now as I searched his face. The moment he got into my arms his screaming stopped and he just started up at me as if he was in as much aw of me as I was of him. I touched his chubby cheek gently and he giggled leaning into my touch. I couldn't help but smile at the bundle of joy.

My heart felt so full it felt like it would overflow. Is this what being a father felt like? Looking down at your child and knowing for sure that there really is true love out there? True love was in this child's eyes and I was sure my own blue eyes reflected that also.

"Are you my reason for living" I asked softly holding him close against my chest. The baby laid his head on my chest listening to my heartbeat and he closed his eyes falling asleep to the sound. I smiled sweetly down at him. "Don't you worry little guy; I'll make sure you have all the love in the world."

I thought about how wonderful that would be. Magnus and I both raising a son together. Giving him all the love and acceptance that our own parents never gave us. I had a dream about us adopting this child. That had to mean something right?

I leaned down kissing the baby's head smiling "I don't know what your mommy named you but how about we give you a new name? How about Max? Do you like that name?" He leaned into my chest more as if telling me he loved the name.

"My little Max… I may not be the best father you could get but I promise you will never feel unloved." I walked back into the party looking around for Magnus to show him the baby. He was surrounded by important looking business people so I figured interrupting him was a bad idea. "Alec, what are you holding" Isabelle asked walking up to me.

She looked in my arms and was struck speechless from seeing the child. "The mother was going to drop him off the balcony. I convinced her to give him to me instead." Isabelle looked at me still shocked before smiling "Alec, you saved this baby's life."

She turned to walk away "I'll go get a security guard to take care of the baby." I frowned holding Max close to me. "No Isabelle. I want to raise the baby with Magnus."

Isabelle looked back at me frowning "Alec… I don't know if that's a good idea. You just got out of rehab and besides that you and Magnus just started dating again. Having a baby together is moving way too fast. It's too much for both of you."

I shook my head "you're wrong Isabelle I think this baby can save me just as much as I saved him. He gives me a reason to stay on the right track. I have been looking for a reason to be needed and this child needs me. I want to name him Max."

Isabelle smiled sadly at the name "Max would be honored you named the child after him. You have to stop and think for a moment Alec. You would have to go through an adoption and with your history that may be impossible for you." I shook my head no "his mom gave him to me so I will be the one to take care of him. I don't want him to even be put into the system."

"I don't know if you can get away with that Alec. You won't have his birth certificate or his social security card. You won't know his family medical history or whether or not he has actual blood related family that may want him." I glared at her "I can find a way to get all that stuff."

She shook her head "I don't know Alec." I looked at her seriously "Isabelle you owe me for what you kept from me. Magnus is busy right now and I want to take Max home. I can't leave by myself so I need you to come with me. Please help me Isabelle."

She watched me for a few minutes before looking down at Max looking at his sleeping face. I watched her with pleading eyes hoping that she will understand how much I need her help right now. She let out a sigh "I'll go tell Magnus that I'm taking you home. I won't mention the baby."

I smiled at her "thank you Izzy. You don't know how much this means to me." She nodded walking away to talk to Magnus. I made my way to the front door, keeping Max close to my chest so no one else would see him and start asking questions. Isabelle appeared by the door a few minutes later and she walked me home.

When we got to the flat I laid Max carefully down on the middle of Magnus's and my bed. He was sleeping soundly with his thumb in his mouth cutely. I smiled sweetly down at him; gently reaching down and stroking his cheek with my fingertips, barely brushing against his soft skin. "He's such a beautiful baby, I don't see why his mother didn't want him" Isabelle said looking over my shoulder.

I nodded leaning up and looking at her "his mother was raped and he was the result of it. She pretty much decided the baby was a demon and wanted nothing to do with him." I looked down at Max again "she lasted eight months though so at least she didn't kill him right away." Isabelle frowned looking at me "what makes you think you and Magnus can raise his baby?"

I grabbed a notebook starting to write down things I will need to buy for the baby. "While I was in rehab the first time, I had a dream that Magnus and I adopted a baby. The baby from that dream looked just like this one in every single way. I dreamed of this baby Isabelle, that has to be fate right?"

"That sounds pretty impossible" she said honestly. "It does sound impossible but it isn't. I saw this baby in the dream and now it's here right in front of my eyes. Just looking at him makes me feel like a found a big chunk of my heart that has been missing."

Isabelle put her hands on my shoulders making me face her "Alec listen to me okay? You need to take a step back and think about Magnus in all of this. You pretty much adopted a child without even talking to him about it. Relationships don't work like that; you need to talk about big decisions before making them."

"we will have the talk when he comes back. Magnus will see this baby, fall in love like I did and everything will be good you'll see." I tore off the page from the notebook, handing it to her. "Here is a list of little things I need, please go to the store and get them for me."

She took it looking it over "Magnus doesn't like us leaving you alone Alec." I rolled my eyes "I have Max here. I'm not going to escape and look for the closest drug dealer. I wish you would all have a little faith in me." She sighed nodding before turning and going to get me everything I need.

When Magnus walked into the apartment three hours later he was stunned, looking at me shocked. I was walking around the living room cradling Max, trying to get him to go to sleep. "Alec… why are you walking around the flat with a baby in your arms?" I smiled walking up to him and showing him Max "Magnus, I saved this baby from his mother almost dropping him off the balcony at the party."

His eyes widened in even more shock "she was trying to do what?" "I saved him though. I want you and I to raise him together. His mother gave him to me and I named him Max."

Magnus's shocked face turned to a sad frown "Alexander… we can't keep this baby." My smile slowly fell from my face "what? Why not?" He looked down at the baby "Alec you just got out of rehab and I just got my fashion start."

"What does that have to do with anything? I told you I wanted a reason to be alive. This baby can be my reason Magnus." "I'm a reason too Alec. Can't I be reason enough for right now?"

I met his eyes pleadingly "Magnus please think about this. I had a dream while I was first in rehab. In the dream you and I were happily raising a baby. This baby Magnus." Magnus looked down at Max frowning slightly "I had a similar dream as well. The kid was five in my dream but he did look a lot like him."

I smiled "see, that only proves that this is fate. You and I are meant to raise this baby together." I held Max out to him "just hold him and I swear you'll fall instantly in love like I did." Magnus backed away slightly, not reaching for the baby.

I frowned confused on why he was acting this way "Magnus?" He looked at Max before looking up at me "Alec we can't just keep this baby. Wither you are given the baby or not it is illegal to just take him. He needs to go into the system for adoption."

I held Max closer to my chest glaring at him "no. You and I are going to raise him so there's no need to do that." Magnus sighed tiredly, running his hand over his face "Alexander." I walked turned from him, going into our room to lay Max down "He's staying Magnus."

Magnus followed me into the room "Alec we have nothing for him. Babies need a crib, toys, food." "I had Isabelle get me formula and some toys for him. I'm going crib shopping tomorrow. You're making it sound like we can't afford this baby when you are rich."

"It's not that we can't afford the baby Alec, that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm just saying that us raising a baby may be too much too soon." I laid Max on the bed putting a wall of pillows on each side of him so he wouldn't roll off the bed. "Magnus, this child needs us."

I made sure the pillows were secure before looking at him "promise me you won't call the police. Spend time with Max and actually give him a chance before deciding against raising him. I want this baby Magnus and I know in time you will want it too." Magnus sighed closing his eyes "fine, I promise I won't call the police."

I smiled and kissed him on the cheek "I love you Magnus. I'm going to go make him a bottle, you stay and watch him okay?" Magnus nodded and I walked out of the room heading to the kitchen. I fixed up some formula before putting it in the microwave to warm it.

As I waited for it to warm I leaned on the counter smiling, imagining all the great times ahead for Magnus, Max, and I. I was finally going to have the family I have always wanted to have. Magnus and I will raise Max to be kind and caring while also being strong. We will give all the love our own parents failed to give us.

The microwave went off and I took the bottle out testing the heat on my wrist. It was the perfect temperature so I took it back to the bedroom to give to Max. I frowned when I walked into the room seeing Magnus hang up a phone call on his cellphone. "Who were you talking to" I asked searching his face.

He put his cell in his pocket "one of my investors called me to thank me for working with him." I watched him skeptically before moving over to the bed sitting on it and pulling Max into my lap. I picked him up properly before putting the bottle in his mouth watching him drink it. Magnus walked up to me silently just watching me feed him.

"Alexander… you see why we can't keep this child right?" I fed Max in silence not looking up at Magnus. "You're using this child to hide from all your problems. This child needs to be with experienced parents who can give him what he needs."

"This 'child's' name is Max" I said softly, still not looking up at him. The door buzzer went off and I looked toward the bedroom door before looking up at Magnus "are you expecting someone?" Magnus looked down at me sadly before turning to get the door. I kissed Max's head gently before getting up and going to follow him, still holding Max.

Magnus opened the door letting in a man in a suit and two police officers. I stood there frozen, eyes wide in horror before looking at Magnus "you promised you wouldn't call the police." He frowned avoiding eye contact with me "I didn't call the police. I called Child Services."

"That's the same thing" I yelled glaring at him. Max started crying, being scared by the raised voice. I rocked him looking down at him and whispering soothingly to him. The suited man stepped up looking down at Max "we'll be taking the child into custody. He'll be put into the system and placed with a foster family."

I backed up until I hit a wall "you aren't taking him. His mother gave him to me and I want to be the one to raise him." The man watched me "you will be able to apply to adopt him if you wish. Her giving you her child without proper legal action is against the law."

"I don't give a damn about the law. He's supposed to by my son. Magnus and I are going to raise him together." "Keeping him away from me won't make you look good if you do indeed try to adopt him. If you don't hand over the child, I'll be forced to arrest you."

Magnus looked at the police before looking at me pleadingly "Alec please give the baby to him. You can't afford to get arrested." I looked at Magnus coldly before looking sadly down at Max. He stopped crying and was looking up at me with happy blue eyes.

I leaned down kissing his forehead whispering "I'll get you back. I swear you and I will be together again somehow." I took a deep breath before walking up to the suited man, reluctantly handing Max to him. The moment Max was in the man's arms he started screaming not liking being out of my warm embrace.

I backed away letting a shaky sob escape my lips. It was happening again. Someone I cared for was once again being taken away from me. Once again someone I love is the one taking them away.

The man walked out with Max and the police closing the door behind them. Magnus and I stood alone now it the deadly quiet apartment. "Alexander… I'm sorry I had to do that." I shook my head falling to the floor, my knees giving out on me.

I hid my face in my hands, my loud sobs blowing away the silence. Magnus rushed to my side getting on his knees in front of me "Alec I'm so sorry." His voice sounded strained as if he was holding back tears. I shook my head "all you do is lie" I sobbed.

"I didn't lie to you Alec… I just twisted the truth. Look Alec, you have to know raising that child would have been too much for you. You're still getting over drugs." I lifted my head looking at him furiously "we were going to raise him together!"

Magnus's face looked pained "Alec… we couldn't possibly be good parents." "Yes we could have been! We could have raised him right and shown him how to treat people! We could have loved him way more than our parents loved us and never abandon him!"

Magnus put a hand over my shaky one "please understand that I didn't do this to hurt you." I snatched my hand away glaring at him. "All you ever do is hurt me" I said coldly before shakenly standing up. Magnus stood up holding his arms out to help me stand but I moved away from him.

"Alexander please, the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you. I just… I can't be a father." I shook my head "you didn't even try! You, Max, and I could have been a happy family but you didn't even give it a chance!"

Magnus watched me, not saying a word. I shook my head suddenly feeling really tired. "Give me some time… I can't look at you right now." I turned around going to our bedroom and locking the door.

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 **Magnus hurt Alec again :( this seems to be a theme with him. I had an interesting conversation with my brain before writing this chapter. It went something like this:**

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 **Me: I need to write Blue Eyed Prince next.**

 **Brain: How about instead we continue It's Still Complicated?**

 **Me: But we just finished a chapter for that. Blue eyed prince is next.**

 **Brain: oh come on! I have so many ideas for ISC's next chapter. Pretty Please?**

 **Me: well... okay I guess we can do that.**

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 **So yeah that was a strange conversation with myself haha. I tend to talk to myself a lot. I hope this chapter didn't break your hearts too much. I'm sure happy stuff will come soon... maybe.**


	4. Magnus's Complicated Decision

**Sorry this took so long everyone. My sister had a baby last Monday (Her and the baby live with us btw) so between helping her with the baby, catching up on sleep, and reading Lady Midnight (which by the way keeps breaking my heart!) I was very busy.**

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It's Still Complicated Chapter Four: Magnus's Complicated Decision

Magnus Pov- I stood next to our bed watching as Alec had his back turned to me. It has been three days since I called Child Services and got the baby taken away. He hasn't spoken a word to me or moved from this spot once since that night. "Alexander you have to talk to me at some point."

He just stayed silent not moving an inch. "Come on Alec you can't stay mad at me forever. The baby wasn't yours to take even if the mother gave him to you. You could have been arrested for kidnapping."

Again silence. Alec has been mad at me many times for many reasons but he has never given me cold shoulder this bad. "right… well I'm going to lunch with friends. Isabelle is in the living room to keep an eye on you."

I was hoping he would at least stop shunning me long enough to tell me he didn't need a babysitter but I still ended up getting nothing. "okay… well I'm heading out then. Text me if you need anything." I watched him a few seconds longer before walking out, closing the door behind me.

"Did he talk to you today" Isabelle asked walking up to me. I shook my head no moving over to the couch to grab my jacket hanging over the back. Isabelle frowned sitting on the couch "Magnus, Alec knows how to hold a grudge. He stopped talking to Jace and I for a year and a half." "I can't handle a year and a half of seeing his back to me."

She shrugged frowning at me "why did you have to call Childs Services? You could have sat Alec down and calmly talked to him about putting the baby in the system." I put on my jacket sighing "I tried to talk to him but he was so excited and wasn't really listening to me." "You could have kept the child for at least one night and tried to talk to him in the morning."

I sighed again, heading to the door "you saw him that night Isabelle. There was no talking him out of it." I looked at her "does he talk to you and Jace?" She nodded "yes… well actually he sits there and curses at you in Spanish. I guess he learned it from Raphael."

"Right. Well I'm late for lunch with my friends so while I'm gone I would appreciate it if you could try to talk Alec into speaking to me. I don't care if he screams at me in Spanish, English, whatever. I just want to hear his voice again and have him forgive me." She shrugged "I'll do what I can but I may not be able to do much."

I nodded and walked out heading to Catarina's house. Every Sunday my friends and I get together for lunch switching which home we do it at every week. This week was supposed to be at my place but with how Alec's been feeling I decided against it.

I walked into Catarina's house where she, Ragnor, Tessa, Will and Jem were sitting in her living room talking to each other. The moment I walked in they all went deadly quiet, looking at me. "Um… hey sorry I'm late. Why are you all so quiet?"

Catarina moved over on the couch and made a spot between her and Ragnor "have a seat Magnus." I looked around at everyone confused before walking over to the couch and sitting where she told me to. "What is this all about?" "Magnus we heard about the child Alec saved at the party the other night."

I frowned looking at her "what about it?" Ragnor looked at me "I for one am against everything about to be brought up here today. I don't think you should have a child ever but the others disagree." "Well actually-" I started saying but Tessa cut me off "I think Magnus would make an amazing dad."

"It's true Magnus has taken great care of Tessa, Jem and I" Will said putting his arm around Tessa. "The thing about the baby is-" I was cut off again this time by Ragnor. "Oh please, Magnus is immature and has no experience with children. Raising a child is harder than dealing with a boy who acts like a child."

I opened my mouth to speak but Catarina spoke first "Magnus we are all here for support. We will help you as much as you need with the child if you need it. I would have liked you to get married before having a child but this might help both you and Alec head down a good path." "We didn't keep the baby" I said loudly before anyone else could interrupt me.

Tessa frowned looking up at me from the floor where she was sitting with Will and Jem. "What do you mean you didn't keep the baby? Why not?" I sighed rubbing my eyes tiredly "keeping that baby would have been illegal. Am I the only one who grasped that?"

Ragnor put his hand on my shoulder "Magnus, I don't say this very often but I'm proud of you. You just got your fashion business off the ground so a baby would be an unneeded distraction." Tessa smacked Ragnors leg before looking at me again "tell us what happened." I sighed "Alec wanted the baby but it needed to be put in the system. He made me promise not to call the cops so I called Child Services instead and they took the baby away."

Jem frowned "poor Alec. How is he taking all this?" I frowned looking at my hands in my lap "he hasn't spoken to me in three days. He just lays in bed looking at the wall in a depressed daze."

"Well why wouldn't he? He thought he was going to raise a baby and you practically ripped it out of his hands. With all the crap you already did to him this won't help gain his trust" said Will. "Yeah I know but we couldn't have kept this baby" I sighed.

"'we' couldn't keep the baby or you couldn't keep the baby" Tessa asked simply. I blinked confused "what are you implying?" Jem shrugged "well Magnus you aren't really close with your parents. You grew up with nannies and servants right?"

"What does that have to do with having an illegal child?" "dude, the way Alec got that child has nothing to do with this. That was just your excuse to get rid of him" Will said crossing his arms. "Why would I want to get rid of the child" I asked looking at him.

He rolled his eyes as if I was missing something obvious "you were scared Magnus. You have no experience with kids, family, love. You were afraid of everything that comes with having a kid. You're just getting the hang of being in a serious relationship which, by the way, you are doing horrible at."

"How am I doing horrible" I asked glaring at him. "You seriously can't see it? You are constantly breathing down Alec's neck, you wouldn't let him do anything sexual to you, and now you took his most likely only chance to have a baby." I looked at Tessa shocked "you told him about that?"

"Magnus I tell Will and Jem everything you know that." Catarina looked at me "you never really explained to us why you couldn't be intimate with Alec that night." "Do we really need to talk about this now in front of everyone?" Ragnor nodded "I agree; I rather not hear about Magnus's sex life."

"More like lack of sex life" Will joked smirking. I kicked him before looking at Catarina "we really don't have to talk about any of this. Let's have lunch instead and talk about your problems and not mine." "Nope, we are not eating until you tell us why you didn't want to get hot and dirty with Alec" Will said still smirking at me.

I glared down at him "I don't like that mouth of yours William." Jem looked at me "but seriously Magnus. What did Alec do to make you reject him?" "Alec didn't do anything, it's me okay. I just… I really don't want to talk about this."

"Too bad because we are talking about this" Catarina said watching me. I sighed again "it's just… I feel inferior to the other guys Alec's been with. Sure most of them were just old creeps but he said a long time ago that he's had great guys. What if I can't compete with all those people. I won't be able to help but wonder if he's comparing me to someone else."

"Oh wow… yeah that's a lot to think about" Will said no longer making fun of me. I nodded "I don't look down on Alec for what he used to do. I swore to him that I would never let his old life effect our new life together but I can't help but think about it. He slept with a lot of people from uptown and I can't help but wonder when I'm talking to people if they slept with him."

"Do you trust Alec to be faithful to you" Ragnor asked giving up on not having this talk. "I trust Alec with my life. He would never cheat on me." "Then you should trust that Alec would never find you inferior to anyone else" Jem said smiling up at me.

I looked around at all of them frowning "how is it you all have more faith in me than I do myself?" Tessa rolled her eyes smiling "because we're your best friends." Ragnor held up his finger "I would like to point out that I do not have faith in you at all." Will smirked at him "oh yes you do Mr. Serious."

I crossed my arms slouching into the couch "okay so we have confidence that I make a great lover. I feel like a small pep talk isn't enough to convince me to adopt a baby. I don't have great parents and neither does Alec. What makes him think we would make good parents?"

"Because you know what not to do when it comes to parenting. You would see him all the time unlike your parents did with you and you would accept him unlike Alec's did with him" Will said in an obvious voice. Jem looked at me "take it from someone who had horrible parents. Sometimes having bad parents make you into the best parents."

Jem had horrible parents. I remember when I first met him he was… well I guess you could say he was like Alec. He used to have a huge drug problem and would always be either super emotional or just be in a daze. The only people who could get through to him were Will and Tessa.

Jem went to rehab and thankfully had a better experience than Alec. He got better and so far he has stayed clean… or at least as far as we all know he has. Everyone hated that Jem had the drug addiction but I selfishly thanked god for it. Jem being here and knowing what Alec is going through helps me know someone understands him.

"So that settles it. You will apply to adopt the baby, you and Alec will raise it and live happily ever after" Tessa said smiling. I looked at her "I didn't agree to any of that." Catarina rolled her eyes "Magnus you have comfort zones. I'm telling you right now that if you want to be with Alec, you need to burst out of those zones."

Ragnor nodded "I have to agree with that. You and Alec are complete opposites. If you two want to make it work, then you need to work around each other. You need to stop thinking only of yourself and Alec needs to learn to communicate."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you all were therapists" I said sarcastically. "Magnus we're serious. If you and Alec keep down this road, then your relationship will fail. Do you want to lose Alec, Magnus?"

I frowned shaking my head no "I never want to lose Alec again. It was so hard without him the first time." Catarina nodded "that in itself tells you that you need to change something. On your way home really think about what you can do to make Alec happy again."

"You can't think 'what do I do?' You have to think 'what should Alec and I do'" Tessa said smiling. I looked at her before looking around at everyone else. They all made good points, if I wanted my relationship with Alec to last then I had to put in some effort to make him happy.

I stood up "I hear you all I really do. You have given me plenty to think about. Now can we please have lunch before I die of hunger? I have been so worried about Alec that I didn't eat breakfast this morning." Catarina nodded standing up with everyone else "lunch does sound nice let's head to the dining room."

When I returned back to the flat I was disappointed to see that Alec was still cooped up in our bedroom. Isabelle was sitting on the couch putting a finishing coat on her newly applied nail polish. "that was a pretty long lunch" she said before blowing on her nails to dry them. "I was forced into an intervention before I was allowed to eat" I sighed taking off my jacket.

"An intervention on what" she asked moving over to give me room on the couch. I sat next to her leaning back "about how Alec and I need to start acting more like a couple. I guess I only think about myself and Alec doesn't trust anyone. We need to change that."

"How do you plan on changing that" she asked curiously. "Well that's something Alec and I will be discussing ourselves." She nodded standing up "I get the hint. I'll be leaving now then."

I got up walking her to the door "I'll keep you informed on my progress with Alec." She nodded "Jace and I both like being kept in the loop." She walked out and I went to the kitchen making some hot chocolate just the way Alec liked it before carrying the mugs into the bedroom. "Alec I'm home."

He once again didn't answer me and kept his back to me. I put the mugs on our bedside table before sitting next to him and rubbing his back "Alec please talk to me. I talked to my friends and they agree that we both need to start talking and listening to each other. Please tell me how you're feeling."

There was more silence making me think that he wasn't going to answer me again. Suddenly his horse sore voice broke through the silence "I feel betrayed… which is nothing new when it comes to you. You're always doing things behind my back." I frowned going back to rubbing his back "I don't mean to betray you Alec."

"Then why do you do it" he asked softly. "I'm not used to having to think about other people Alec. My parents were never around and it has always been just me. I looked out for myself and didn't have to consider other people's feelings."

"That's not how relationships work Magnus." "Oh, and adopting a child without talking to me is how relationships work Alec?" He sat up and quickly turned to glare at me. His eyes were blood shot red from crying so much.

"Magnus I have never been in a relationship before. You are my first boyfriend and I don't know what I'm doing. I realize that trying to keep the baby like that was wrong but It may have been my only chance to have a kid. What adoption agency would willingly give me a child?"

I frowned "Alec all the stuff you did is in the past. You're remaking your life and trying to better yourself." He shrugged "that doesn't mean they'll forgive my past sins." I searched his sad face wondering what I should do.

Alec was hurting and it was all my fault. I'm just as bad as his parents, taking so much from him and not giving him anything in return. He needed hope to hold on to and it seemed that our relationship wasn't hope enough. What could I do to make him happy though?

I reached out my hand touching his cheek "Alexander I swear that the system will give us a baby. They will see how you are now and see the amount of money I make. Money usually helps win people over so maybe that will apply here." Alecs' eyes widened "are you saying we're going to try to adopt Max?"

I cursed in my head. That wasn't what I was applying at all. I was just saying that maybe someday we could adopt a child, not right now. I opened my mouth going to clarify what I meant but Alec's hopeful blue eyes silenced me. He wanted to adopt this baby more than anything and I foolishly planted a seed of hope in him. If I say 'no I didn't mean it' that would just hurt him more.

"Yeah… yeah that is what I'm saying. You and I are going to apply to adopt the baby and we won't stop until we have him here with us. We'll adopt him the right way so he can never be taken from us again." Alec stared at me for a long moment before throwing himself at me wrapping his arms around my neck "thank you so much Magnus."

I wrapped my arms around him frowning "I'll do anything for you Alec." Alec pulled back looking up at me smiling "are you excited to be a father?" I nodded faking a smile "yeah, you and I will make a great parenting team." Honestly I thought we were the last people who needed to be parents but this was all for Alecs' happiness.

Alec Pov- "This is going to be a lot of work Alec" Michael Wayland said looking over the paper work I got from the adoption agency. I nodded "I know but Magnus and I are willing to put in the work. I want to get Max back at all costs." He looked at me looking like he wanted to say something but was thinking against it.

"Come on Michael, let me have it." He looked back at the paper work "are you sure you want to do this Alec? It could take as long as a year to complete the adoption and there's so many steps. Home studies, Pre-service training, being approved. It may be too much for the two of you to take on right now."

I leaned back in the couch sighing "Michael… I am hanging by a thread being here Uptown. I went to that party a few nights ago and my past was just staring me in the face. So many people I've slept with were there. One of the guys investing in Magnus slept with me regularly."

"When I'm in the apartment doing nothing all I can think about is getting high. I have been clean for nine months now but the withdraw symptoms still hit me sometimes. They come out of nowhere and make me want to just end my life. Having Magnus helps but I want more than that. I want to have the little baby from my dreams."

Michael nodded "I understand that but having a child won't change any of that. You will still think about getting high, even more so with all the stresses of taking care of a baby. Then there are the withdraws, what if you have a withdraw symptom while holding the baby? He could get hurt really bad."

"Believe me Michael if I have this baby then I will have something to distract me from all of that. Magnus will be busy with work so I won't have anyone really there to help me. Sure Isabelle and Jace come over but it doesn't help me to talk to them." "But you shouldn't use this child to hide from all your issues."

"I won't be using the child to ignore all of my issues. That would be horrible to do as a father. I have always wanted a child of my own someday. I thought being gay and living downtown I wouldn't get the chance. This may be the only time I can do it."

"May I be honest with you Alec" Michael asked picking up his cup of tea. I nodded watching him "I would appreciate honesty." "If you really want to get this child then there is one huge flaw that both you and Magnus need to get over. You both can be very selfish and when you have children you can't afford to be selfish."

"I want to change that about us as well. Magnus and I are working on talking to each other and thinking of each other. I'm sure by time we get Max we will have it under control." Michael shrugged sipping his tea "I really hope you mean that Alec. You and Magnus both know what it's like to have selfish parents."

I clenched my fists into my lap "I will never let Max grow up the way Magnus and I have. I want to show him all the love in the world." Michael smiled nodding "that's what every good parent wants. I will support you and Magnus as much as I can."

I smiled at him before standing up "I should get home. I'm shocked that Magnus actually let me come here by myself. I should get home before he gets worried about me." Michael stood up walking me to the front door "can I give you one more piece of advice?"

I opened the door half way before looking back at him "what is it?" He crossed his arms looking me in the eye "when you and Magnus fight you need to be more mature about it. Don't lock yourself in your room or give him the cold shoulder. You need to talk things out when you fight so you can make it better."

I listened to him frowning before nodding "I am trying really hard to better myself." He nodded "I know you are Alexander. I know you will show us all what Alec Lightwood is made of. Don't let anyone stop you from being a better man."

I nodded saying my goodbyes before walking out, shutting the door behind me. I stood on his porch for a few seconds thinking over all the things we just talked about. I will have to do a lot of growing up in the next year but it will all be worth it to have Max in my arms again. Magnus and I will both be able to do this, no problem.

I made my way off the porch and headed down the street turning the corner that would lead me to my apartment. The entire street was blocked with construction, a pile up car crash happened in the time that I was with Michael. "Why do people bother driving in New York" I mumbled looking around for an opening to get passed the wreckage and get home. There was no opening so I looked around for a new way to go.

I spotted an alley way a little bit away looking like it cut through to one of the streets I take for home. "Perfect, a shortcut" I said running across the street and going down the alley way. The Alley was surprisingly long and wasn't dark since the sun was shining down. I looked ahead of me as I walked and froze in place when I noticed I wasn't the only one in the alley.

Two men stood in front of me, one leaning on the wall and the other standing in front of him handing him a wade of money. The man leaning on the wall took the money before handing the other a small baggie of white powder. I stared at the powder, feeling my blood buzz under my skin. The dealer looked over at me and smiled "well if it isn't Alexander Lightwood?"

The boy buying the drugs turned to look at me and I gasped seeing it was Jem. "Jem… what are you doing?" He frowned stuffing the baggie of drugs into his jean pocket "why are you here Alec?" "I was taking a short cut because of the construction."

The dealer turned to me holding out another baggie "you want in? I'll give you your first hit free." I stared at the white powder my heart pounding in my ears. My hand reached out to grab the bag from him with a shaky hand but suddenly flashes of faces came into my mind. Magnus and Max, the two people who I want to get better for.

My hand dropped to my side "no… I don't want it." The dealer scowled, turning toward me "why not? This is free, I'm making you a generous offer." I ignored him looking over at Jem "what about Will and Tessa, Jem? How would they feel if they knew you were here right now?"

Jem frowned glancing away from me "they won't find out." I clenched my fists "they will if I tell them." He looked back at me frowning "why would you do that to me Alec?" "Because you're my friend and you worked so hard to get clean."

He frowned watching me silently and a voice behind us coldly asked "what's going on here?" I turned and Will Herondale was standing there crossing his arms. "William… what are you doing here?" Will glanced at the dealer before looking at Jem "I could ask you the same thing James."

The dealer rolled his eyes and put the drugs he was holding out to me back into his pocket "whatever, I'm out of here." He turned in the opposite direction and went down the alleyway. I watched him till he was out of sight before looking back at Will. "Are either of you going to tell me what you're doing here?"

Jem bit his lip glancing away and I got in front of him blocking him from Wills' sight. "I was about to take drugs from that dealer but Jem stopped me. He saw me as he was passing by and came to help me." Will looked at me before looking at Jem "is this true?"

"It is true" I said not giving Jem the chance to answer. I knew he wouldn't be able to look Will in the eye and lie. "All this stuff with Magnus has been stressing me out and I was about to make a really bad choice. Jem helped me though so everything is fine now."

Will watched us thinking before looking at Jem "let's head to Tessa's then." "Can I talk to Jem really quick" I asked facing Will. He hesitated before turning and walking out of the alley. I turned looking at Jem, holding out my hand to him "give me those drugs Jem. We need to get rid of them before you're tempted to take them."

He frowned reaching into his jean pocket and pulling out the little baggie of white powder. "have you bought or taken any drugs before this, please be honest with me" I asked taking the drugs out of his hand. He looked me in the eyes saying "no this was my first attempt."

I frowned reaching up to touch his shoulder "Jem, what made you want to do this? Is something going on at home?" He sighed running his hand through his silver hair "I'm just a little stressed. William and Tessa got together while I was in rehab and my feelings for her haven't really gone away."

I frowned not knowing what to say to that. I've never loved someone I couldn't have before. You could say I had that with Jace but that really wasn't love other than brotherly love. "I'm sorry you're going through this but drugs aren't what will get you through it."

He searched my eyes frowning "It's just really hard to stop." I nodded "I know it is. I still get withdraw symptoms randomly and they hurt like hell. You need to stay strong though and find something healthy to distract you. Promise me you'll come to me the next time you feel like this."

He frowned looking over my face before nodding "I'll come to you." Will walked back into the alley "are you two done?" I quickly stuffed the baggie of drugs into my pocket without thinking about it and I turned to Will "yeah we're done. Please don't tell Magnus I was here, I won't do it again."

He looked at me like he was considering going to Magnus right now and telling him. "Fine… I won't tell him this time but if I catch you like this again I won't hesitate to tell him." I nodded "I completely understand." I turned meeting Jem's eyes again before leaving going down the Alley way and heading home.

* * *

 **Magnus wants to make Alec happy but is pretending to want a kid really the right way to do it? Oh well, at least he's trying.**


	5. The not so complicated begining

It's Still Complicated Chapter Five: So It Begins.

Magnus Pov- I walked up the steps of my Brooklyn flat two at a time, having a small bounce to my step. I was on cloud nine today and I didn't think anything could bring me down from it. I just got done meeting with Mr. Portman, one of my investors and he told me that I could have my own shop in as little as a month. Now that I let myself accept having a fashion career I was so excited to see where I would go and what I would do.

I pulled out my keys and shoved them into the lock before tossing the door open and kicking it closed once inside. I hummed to myself happily as I looked around for Alec. For the past week I have been letting Alec be home alone. We started going to couples counseling which at first I thought we didn't need but it turned out we did. It was a lot easier for Alec and I to be honest with each other when there was someone there pretty much forcing us to be.

Anyway, our counselor said that it might be a good idea for me to put more trust in Alec. If I kept treating Alec like a child that couldn't take care of himself then it would end up putting strain on our relationship. I chose that our trust exercise would be me letting him be home alone. It was only when I was going to be gone no longer than a couple hours. If it was a day of being away, then I would make sure someone would 'casually' come visit Alec without him knowing that I sent them his way. I'm sure he suspected what I was doing though.

I leaned into our bedroom looking inside, losing my smile slightly when I saw Alec sitting in our bed looking down at a paper frowning. "What's the matter Alexander" I asked walking up and sitting next to him. He sighed handing me the paper in his hand "just looking over the pre-service adoption applications." I took the paper looking it over "you were so excited when you got these papers last night. What changed?"

He took the paper back clearing his throat. "These are the things we will need to give the adoption agency for the pre-service appointment. 1. Letters of reference from your employer and those you know. I don't have an employer and you're your own boss. We have no one really to write us reference papers."

I shook my head "that's not true. It says get them from people that we know. We have Michael Wayland, Jace, Isabelle, not to mention all of my friends." "Okay but what about the second thing we need to provide? Criminal record checks at local state and federal levels."

"Alec you don't have a criminal record and there are no records showing you were in the mob. The most they will find out it that you were a prostitute." "Yeah a prostitute Magnus, who would give a prostitute a child?" "You're an ex prostitute" I sighed shaking my head.

"And another thing; I'm sure they have read your articles and even if by some miracle that haven't yet, I'm sure they will come across them. They will know that I was in the mob based on that." I shook my head "no because we will tell them that I made that part up to make the story more interesting. It's technically the truth since you didn't go to Raphael until after the article came out."

"They will still know that I have a drug addiction and also was raped." "Okay first of all, you 'had' a drug addiction. Past tensed. As for you being raped there is no way they will keep a child from you because you were drugged and taken advantage of. I bet you the rape won't even be brought up in conversation."

Alec looked like he was looking for more points to bring up but he was out of things to throw at me. I smiled mentally patting myself on the back. I was able to defuse the bomb that was Alec's criminal past and I did it without him exploding on me. "What's the next thing we need to provide" I asked scooting closer to him and wrapping my arms around his waist. He looked down at the paper again as I laid my chin on his shoulder.

"Verification of Income to meet your expenses. I don't have a job so what if that's a deal breaker?" I leaned into him kissing the crook of his neck to calm him. "Alexander I make enough money for the both of us. With how my fashion career is taking off money will never be an issue for this child."

Alec's tense body finally relaxed against me, all his stress seeming to leave him. "Do you really think we will be able to do this?" I nodded smiling at him "without a doubt. We'll have the baby in no time."

I was surprised at how at ease I felt about the whole thing. A week ago I was denying this child kicking and screaming. I ended up going to our therapist alone in secret sometime this week and I addressed my fears of parenthood with him. My friends told me I would make a great father, as did Alec but I needed an unbiased opinion of what he thinks of my situation.

Our counselor, Dr. Crossheart, was surprisingly understanding of my hesitation to be a father. He told me to think about the childhood I had and ask myself if I'm letting the fear of being like my parents hold me back. So I did just that, I laid on that long couch and remembered the most vivid memories of my childhood.

I thought about when I was five and seemed to always be waking up from nightmares. I would wake up around three in the morning and go into my parent's office crying, wanting to be assured that I was okay and safe. Working until three in the morning was nothing new for my parents and even in that time of night they were always busy. I remember holding my hands up to my mother wanting her to pick me up and comfort me. Instead she told me I needed to suck it up before pushing me onto one of my many nannies.

The nanny would pick me up and carry me back to my room. At this point I was balling in her arms but not because I was still scared. I cried because I couldn't understand why my parents never took the time to comfort me themselves. Just a hug or even a pat on the head would have been nice.

My memories then switched the first Christmas I ever spent without my parents. We never really had extravagant Christmases when we were together so it's not like I had any fun memory to compare it too. The year I turned twelve though my parents had a very important fashion show and left Christmas eve night. That year, my nanny was a cold old woman who didn't really enjoy the holidays. She made me a TV dinner and let me sit alone at our huge dining table.

The first Christmas I spent with my friends was strange because it was the first time ever I got presents. Sure my parents spoiled me rotten and bought me whatever I want to keep me out of their hair but they never actually took the time and bought me a real Christmas present that had thought and love put into it. Like every Christmas I cried that year, but for once they were tears of over whelming joy.

My next memory was the day I came out to my parents. I stood in their office baring my soul to them. Tears streaming down my face and begging them to love and accept me for who I am. I thought it would have been an emotional thing where they would hug me and reassure me that I was normal and still the son they loved. I wouldn't have even minded if it had the opposite effect and they hated me for being gay. As long as they showed some kind of emotion I was fine.

Neither of those things happened. Instead they just brushed it off saying uncaring words like 'that's nice Magnus' or 'can we talk about this later Magnus? We're in the middle of work?' The topic was never brought up again and I felt stupid for thinking it would mean something to them.

The final memory was of my eighteenth birthday. It was a memory I tried to store away in the deepest parts of my mind because It was something I wasn't really proud of. When I was eighteen my parents bought be this really nice black sports car I wanted. I kept telling them how much I wanted it and made it clear that I wanted them to be the ones to give it to me. It was my test to see if they really ever listen to what I say to them.

I was so ecstatic that day after seeing the car. They listened to me. They heard what I wanted and they personally went out and bought me the car of my dreams. Or so I thought. In truth they didn't even remember it was my birthday. One of our servants brought it up to them and they just handed him a credit card and told them to get me whatever it was I wanted.

When I found out the truth I was furious. They never even cared to remember my birthday and worst of all they didn't even try to act like they felt sorry. I grabbed my keys and sped out of New York that night. I didn't know where I was going or what I was going to do but all I knew is I wanted them to notice that I was gone. To miss me and beg me to come back with a promise of change.

I clenched the steering wheel hard as I drove over a hundred miles per hour. I wanted a sign, anything that proved that a part of my parent's hearts belonged to me. That I was special to them. Before I knew it the rage took over and I was driving head first into a huge oak tree. I don't really know what drove me to do it. Maybe I wanted to kill myself to teach my parents a lesson, or maybe I just wanted to see if they cared enough to be worried that I was hurt.

The crush tootled my brand new car and I was put in a small coma that lasted about a month. When I woke up I was inside the ICU and my friends were surrounding me, all their eyes filling with tears as they saw my eyes open. Hell even Ragnor was crying though he tried to hide it.

My friends stayed at my side every day through my recovery and physical therapy. Even my nannies and some servants came to see how I was doing. Our family chef brought me a bunch of my favorite dishes, saving me from having to eat anymore horrible hospital food. My parents never came to see me. They sent a fruit basket with a card but I could bet you any money their manager did that.

When I finally was allowed to leave the hospital I moved out of my house and started living with Ragnor in his apartment. I didn't want to have to live with the constant reminder that my parents would never have time for me. I had to accept it and move on with my life.

After I told Dr. Crossheart about all the things that came to mind he was quiet for a long moment as if thinking about what he wanted to say next. Finally, he said "Magnus, can you count out for me how many times in your life your parents said I love you?" I stared at him for a moment before thinking about all the times my parents said they loved me.

As the silence between us dragged on tears formed in my eyes then rolled down my face in streams. "Are there too many times to count" he had asked. I shook my head feeling more hallow inside than I ever had before. "They… I don't remember them ever saying it."

Again the silence drug out between us and I put my face in my hands starting to sob like a baby. I never noticed it before, how could my parents have never once told me they loved me. Not even a brief I love you as they brushed me aside. They really had never said it.

After I cried out all my tears Dr. Crossheart handed me a tissue before saying "You're afraid that you will repeat history with this child you and Alec want to adopt. I haven't known you long Magnus but if you want my opinion. I think you would make an amazing father. You and Alec know what it's like to be hurt by your parents. I feel like you know better than to treat a kid badly."

With those words and the emptiness left behind by my parents I made a promise that day. I promised that I would try my hardest to be accepting of this child. Alec thought we could do it so that means he could believe that too. That night, after I came home from the session I pulled Alec into my arms and laid in bed with him. I kissed him longingly, softly and repeated over and over again "I love you, I love you, I love you." I wanted him to know just how much his love meant to me. I also promised that day that I wouldn't go a single day without telling Alec and our soon to be child that I love them.

"We have four sessions for the Pre-service training program, the first one starting tomorrow. I'm so nervous Magnus, look at my hands." Alec held up trembling hands and I grabbing his hands in mine, bringing them to my lips. "Tomorrows just the interview with the agency. It will go by smoothly I just know it."

Alec smiled kissing me softly "you're a lot more confident than I am." I smiled kissing him again "I'll be confident enough for the both of us." He smiled happy about that before standing up "I need to take a shower. Can you go get started on dinner?" I nodded standing up and playfully bowing to him "whatever you wish my prince." Alec rolled his eyes at this but his smile didn't waver "I'm far from prince worthy."

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that" I said before turning and walking out of the room to start dinner. I went into the pantry pulling out angel hair noodles, mushrooms, and a jar of tomato sauce for I could make spaghetti. Alec absolutely loved my spaghetti and I was invested in keeping him in the good mood he was now in. He wasn't allowed to stress out over tomorrow as long as I was here to pull him out of his thoughts.

Twenty minutes later I pulled some garlic bread out of the oven before looking over all the delicious food. I gathered noodles on a couple plates, poured some sauce on them and put two garlic breads on each plate before setting the plates on the table. I thought about lighting some candles but lost my train of thought when I looked toward the bedroom.

I could still hear the shower water running in our master bathroom which meant Alec was still showering. Alec wasn't like me and liked to stand under the nice warm water for ten minutes before actually starting to clean himself. He was a get in and get out kind of guy unless we were in the shower together, then it took a little longer for us to get clean.

Alec was in the shower alone though so him taking this long wasn't natural. I made our way into the bedroom and knocked on the bathroom door "Alec honey, are you okay in there?" There was no reply. "Alec… I'm coming in" I said grabbing the door knob and turning it, opening the door and going inside. I looked in the shower and my heart fell down into my stomach when I saw Alec sitting on the shower floor hugging his knees and hiding his face in them as he sat under the spray of water.

His entire body was trembling, shaking violently and I could hear the low shaky sobs escaping his lips. Alec was going through withdraw. This was the first time I ever really seen it happen. All the other times he had the symptoms it was when I was working or with my friends. I didn't even really know they were happening till Dr. Crossheart forced Alec to talk about them.

I reached into the shower pulling the lever to shut the water off before grabbing a towel and getting in the shower with Alec. I knelt down to his level not caring that the shower floor was wet and I wrapped the towel around his back. He looked up, just noticing me there. "M-Magnus?"

I shushed him wrapping my arms around him and pulling him into my embrace. I ran my hands up and down his arms trying to let my touch sooth him instead of feeling the shooting pain in his nerves. "I'm here Alec. You're safe here with me."

Alec hid his face in my neck, I could feel his tears trickle down my collar bone. "It hurts Magnus… it hurts really bad." I nodded kissing the top of his head. "I know baby. I know." I got on my knees and put my arm under Alec's legs scooping him up in my arms and standing up. Alec was shorter than me but he was also heavier than I was. Even so I carried him without struggle into our bedroom and laid him in bed.

I thought briefly about helping him get dressed but decided against in and just slipped into bed with him. I pulled our comforter up around our bodies before holding him in my arms again, rocking him back and forth gently.

"How about we get your mind off of this" I whispered softly in his ear. He laid his head on my shoulder looking up at me, still trembling in pain. He met my eyes begging me to distract him from all the pain. I ran one of my hands through his hair kissing his temple "I was thinking about making the guest room into Max's nursery. We could go baby shopping for a crib and a bed set. Of course we would do this when it gets closer time for him to come home."

Alec nodded "I-I would like t-that." I kept running my hand through his hair thinking for a moment. "I want us to have a Christmas tradition. One that we will do every year without fail no matter what. I want Christmas to be a fun special day for our kids."

This made Alec smile but it was a shaky smile "kids? You want more than one?" I looked in his eyes thinking before kissing his forehead "I don't know yet. We'll figure all that out once we raise Max for a while." He nodded, his body slowly starting to shake less and less.

I spent the next ten minutes rocking him back and forth and whispering sweet nothings in his ear. Once his withdraw completely passed Alec brushed the tears out of his eyes "thanks Magnus… that helped a lot." I cupped his face in my hands putting my forehead to his, looking deep into his eyes "I will always be here for you Alec. Don't face these withdraws alone okay? If I'm close by call for my help and I will come help you through them."

Alec nodded taking a few more seconds to catch his breath before looking at me again. "So… dinner?" "Are you feeling up to dinner?" He nodded moving out of bed and grabbing some clothes to change into. "I'm still a little shaken but I'm okay. Really hungry." I nodded getting up "I'll go put our plates in the microwave to warm them up." Alec nodded getting dressed quickly before going to the kitchen with me.

* * *

Alec Pov- Magnus and I followed an agent of the adoption agency down the never ending hallway to the room where we were to have our interview. I held Magnus's hand in a death grip and he glanced down at me "You're going to break my hand Alec" he whispered. I glanced up at him "Can't help it. I'm terrified." "These people can smell fear Alec" he teased but I wasn't able to find joy in his taunts.

Finally, the never ending hallway did at last end and we were seated at a table with plastic chairs. She asked us if we wanted coffee and Magnus agreed giving the lady his award winning smile. I watched the lady as she walked out of the room and the moment the door clicked closed I turned on Magnus. "What if they don't like us? What if they think we aren't a right fit for Max? What if the foster family he's with right now decides they want to keep him? What if Max likes being with them more than us?"

Magnus grabbed me by the shoulders, gave me a good shake before looking me in the eye "Alexander. Take a moment and breath. Max is too young to have an opinion on who raises him. As for these agents, I'm sure they will love us. Just have a little faith and calm down." I nodded catching my breath. "Right… yeah you're right. We have nothing to be nervous about."

The room door opened again and my body went back to being tense, the seconds of relaxed feelings Magnus put in me drained away. The lady put coffees down in front of us before walking out of the room again. A man walked in right after her wearing a nice gray suite with a red tie. Magnus and I stood up right away, shaking his hand.

"My name is Darrel St. Clare and I'll be figuring out if you're qualified to be pared up with James's social worker." I frowned slightly "James?" He nodded opening the folder "That's the child's name until further notice." To my surprise Magnus was the one who spoke up "actually, we were hoping to name him Max. It's an important name to us."

It was an important name to me. Max was my precious brother who never got a chance to say goodbye to me. If I could name my child after him then maybe it would make up for what a horrible brother I was to him. "You'll be able to legally change his name if you wish. He may be used to the name James though by time if and when you adopt him."

I nodded not happy about that but there was nothing I could do about it now. Darrel pulled a few papers out of his folder "so a member of the Lightwood family and Bane family. Normally I would have considered this an easy case. However, your sketchy past makes this not so easy Mr. Lightwood." "Please, call me Alec. I know my past is… questionable. I can assure you though that I have turned my life around."

Darrel folded his hands on the table "okay. What have you been doing to turn your life around." I thought for a moment wondering what he should say. "Alec spent six months in rehab and has been sober for nine. He has been looking for work but his father's influence in town makes that hard for him."

"Speaking of your rehab Alec. We contacted both rehab centers you went to. Your recent one said great things about your character but the first one said some things that concerned us. There was talk of you trying to sexually harass one of the male nurses there." I frowned clenching my fists in my lap. "That was all a lie. The nurse sold my friend some drugs that ended up killing him. My friend agreed to sleep with the man as payment for the pills but since he died the nurse figured I should be the one to pay. I had to fight him off of me and that resulted on him accusing me of trying to harass him."

I could only hope that Darrel would believe me and not take the nurses word. I always knew that stupid 'harassment' claim would come back and bite me. If I didn't run away from the rehab center, I would have been arrested. Then I really would have had a criminal record. "I heard the nurse tell another nurse that he was the one to come after Alec. There's a witness if we need to get him involved" Magnus said watching him.

Darrel shook his head "I'll take your word for it. The nurse who made the claims was arrested six months after you left for selling drugs and sexual harassment." I couldn't stop the sigh of relief from escaping my lips. It was nice to know that the guy wouldn't be hurting or killing anyone else. I always worried about it in the back of my mind.

"What is it that you do Magnus" he asked turning his attention to Magnus. He smiled "my fashion career is just now picking up. I have investors that are working to send my clothes to stores around the country and I'm also looking at some buildings to open my own store."

Darrel smiled writing that down "sounds like a very stable business plan." He nodded "if we get Max Alec will be a stay at home dad so Max won't have to be in daycare." Darrel glanced at me "you've been sober for nine months right? How are the withdraw symptoms?" I shrugged trying to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal. "I have one or two every once in a while. I barely notice them when they occur."

That was a complete and utter lie. When I get a withdraw attack it hits me like a pack of bricks. It happened last night when Magnus found me in the shower. It was nice to have him there to guide me through it instead of riding it out on my own like usual.

Darrel looked between us before closing the file in front of him. "I don't see why you can't meet with the social worker. I'll set up a meeting with him next Thursday. I warn you though, he's a hard man to work with. He only looks for the best for the children he's in charge of."

I nodded not able to keep the smile off my face as I shook his hand "Thank you so much Mr. St. Clare." He shook my hand back before shaking Magnus's hand. "I look forward to working with the two of you. I wish you luck with getting a child." I thanked him once again before walking out with Magnus.

Once we were outside I looked at Magnus shocked. The huge smile on my face hasn't faded since Darrel said we could meet with the social worker. To my surprise Magnus also had a huge grin on his face. "We're meeting the social worker. We're a step closer to having our baby."

Our baby. Magnus called him our baby. I was so excited about how wonderful this day has gone that I couldn't stop myself from throwing myself at Magnus. I threw my arms around him laughing happily and Magnus wrapped his arms around my waist lifting me up and spinning me around. We were going to meet the social worker. We were maybe going to be parents. Everything was going to be great from here on out.

* * *

 **Magnus is giving being a father a chance. He doesn't want to be like his parents. Poor Alec is still going through those awful withdraw symptoms but at least this time he had Magnus there to get him through it.**

 **I did a lot of research for It's Complicated. Seriously, my google search was what kinds of drugs are there? What are the side effects? what drugs can be injected? what are withdraw symptoms like? what are rehab facilities like?**

 **Now my research is what are the steps for adoption? How long does it take? what happens after you adopt? So much research.**


	6. The Complicated Meeting

**I said this on my story 'Clique' but I'll say it again. I lost internet for four weeks and was unable to update which killed me inside.**

 **It's alright thought because I'm back and updating all my stories today.**

* * *

It's Still Complicated Chapter Six: The Complicated Meeting.

Alec Pov- "Alec, you have been going all over the apartment cleaning up things that are already clean. The apartment looks great so come sit and relax" Magnus said watching me look over the state of our apartment for the twentieth time in the last three minutes.

"Magnus the apartment has to look perfect. We're meeting Max's social worker. This may be the most important meeting of our lives." Magnus leaned on the back of the couch shaking his head "Alec this isn't the home check you know. It's just meeting the social worker."

"yeah but he's expecting perfection. You heard what Mr. St. Clare said. This social worker is a hard guy to please. He only wants the best for his charges so that means we need to get on his good side."

Magnus patted the spot next to him on the couch "come over here and sit with me before you give yourself a panic attack. You're working yourself up for no reason." I glared at him "this is something to be freaking out about Magnus. This is our future we are talking about and I would hope that you would care more!"

Magnus frowned before standing up and walking up to me. He put his hands on my shoulders looking into my eyes. "Alec take some breaths. Remember what Dr. Crossheart said? When you feel angry don't yell, just breath."

I took some deep breaths before sighing "I'm sorry Magnus. I just really want this to go right." Magnus smiled down at me "it will go fine darling. If you stress yourself out too much, then you will be over egger around the social worker. That might rub him the wrong way so you need to try to stay calm."

I nodded taking a few more calming breaths. "You're right. Thanks Magnus." He smiled kissing my forehead "everything will go just fine."

I smiled up at him but lost my smile when the buzzer sounded. "Sounds like he's here" Magnus said walking to the door and pushing the button to let him up. I closed my eyes tight, rubbing my arms nervously. "Oh god I'm going to throw up."

Magnus looked at me "you won't throw up Alexander. Just stay calm and keep breathing."

When there was a knock on the door Magnus opened it smiling but lost his smile when he saw a guy our age standing there. "Um hello… can I help you?" The man didn't smile, he had a complete stone face as he looked over Magnus's choice of clothes.

Magnus chose to wear his usual style of clothes. Tight hot pink skinny jeans, a light purple unisex tang top, and his sparkly silver boots with rainbow laces. I begged him to dress more professionally but he said that the social worker should see them both the way they always are.

"My name is Sebastian Verlac and I'm the social worker for the child James." Both Magnus's and my jaws dropped slightly. We were both expecting some old guy not someone the same age as us.

"Of course Mr. Verlac, please come in" Magnus said getting out of the way to let him in. Sebastian walked in looking around the apartment before looking at Magnus again "not a bad place you have here." Magnus smiled "Thanks, it kind of just spoke to me and I had to get it."

He nodded before looking over at me. He skimmed me over with his eyes before smiling slightly at me "you must be Alec Lightwood. I've heard a lot about you."

I don't know what it was but his smile made chills go down my spine. He seemed like a decent guy. He had straight short black hair and dark eyes that almost seemed black. He kind of reminded me of Jonathan's persona Sebastian, which was ironic since they shared the same name.

Something about this Sebastian though just didn't feel right. Every nerve in my body was telling me to run away from him. I couldn't understand what was making me have this feeling.

"Alexander, are you okay" Magnus asked putting his hand on my shoulder. I flinched at his touch, not seeing him walk up to me. He frowned seeing me flinch "What's the matter?" I shook his head "nothing, sorry I don't know what came over me."

I smiled at Sebastian reaching out to shake his hand. He took mine shaking it and my eyes widened as the feeling of wanting to flee returned. Why was I feeling so scared of this man? It had to be from my nerves that's all that explains it. He holds my chances to be a father in his hands and it must be stressing me out.

I let go of his hand before backing up over to Magnus, wanting to be as close to him as possible. It made me feel safe having him there. Magnus watched me looking confused before smiling at Sebastian "how about we sit? Would you like something to drink?"

Sebastian sat on the couch going back to being stone faced "some coffee is fine." Magnus nodded going to get us all coffee leaving me alone with the social worker. For some reason his stone face wasn't making me feel uneasy. I only felt that way when he smiled. You would think the opposite should be happening.

Magnus came back with three mugs in hand and set them all on the coffee table. Sebastian took his taking a sip of it before looking at us "let's get started shall we?" Magnus and I both nodded and I clenched hard onto his knee, needing his strength.

Sebastian pulled a file out of his briefcase looking it over for a few minutes in silence. The silence only made me feel more stressed. What was he reading in that file?

"So Mr. Lightwood, you just recently got out of rehab correct?" I nodded "that's right. I have been out for three months now. It will be four, next week." He nodded still looking at the file "what makes you think you are ready for the responsibility of raising a child?"

"I'm trying to remake my life. I want to build a happy life with my boyfriend and raise a child with him. I always wanted to be a father but I didn't think I would get to because of my sexuality." "Was your past also a reason why you thought you couldn't have kids?"

I frowned looking down at my knees. "Yeah… I thought I would be in that situation forever and I would have never brought a child into that life." He raised an eyebrow at this "yet you'll bring a child into a home of a drug addict?"

"Alec isn't a drug addict anymore. He has been clean for nine months and shows no signs of relapsing. His doctors said he was making amazing progress." Sebastian glanced at Magnus before pulling some papers out of the file "let's talk about your reference letters."

Magnus nodded smiling "there should be five reference letters for you to look over." He nodded "I got five from a Michael Wayland, Jace Herondale, Isabelle Lightwood, Catarina loss and a Tessa Gray." He laid those letters on the table before pulling out two more letters "we ended up getting seven letters in all."

I frowned looking up at him "who else written on our behalf?" Sebastian glanced up at us over the file "they wrote to us but it wasn't on your behalf. They're letters telling us why we shouldn't allow you custody of the child in consideration."

My eyes widened in shock "someone's trying to keep Max from us? Who?" He looked down at the letters "A Robert Lightwood and Asmodeus Bane."

I could feel Magnus flinch from next to me. It wasn't surprising that my dad tried to keep a child from me but Magnus's parents didn't even know we were attempting this. They barely knew their own son so who were they to even try to stop us? They weren't real parents at all!

"Alexanders father hates him for being gay. He doesn't know anything about Alec so he's in no place to say what kind of parent he would be. As for my parents the only reason I can think of them going against this adoption is my job. They must think a kid will be too much of a distraction."

"Would you like me to read you the letters" Sebastian asked looking between us. I nodded though the idea of hearing anything my father had to say made my stomach turn. Sebastian nodded before looking at my father's letter.

 _Dear whoever this may concern, I am writing to you in order to stop you from making a huge mistake in bestowing a child onto my son Alexander Lightwood. Alexander is in no condition to be taking care of himself let alone a child._

 _All his life Alexander has been a compulsive liar. He lied about his sexuality for years and once he did come out he tried to trick his little brother into being just like him. Once I kicked him out of the house he chose on his own to run away to Downtown._

 _Downtown he became a slut and a whore, sleeping with anyone who would throw him a dollar. What example does that set for a child? How can you trust someone with such a slimy past? He could trade the child for sex just to get some quick cash to feed his addiction._

 _He may say that he is clean but I strongly disagree. Alexander doesn't know how to deal with the stresses of life. He has always run away. He ran away to Downtown, he ran away from his first rehab center, all he knows how to do is run. What makes you think that he won't run the moment raising this child gets too hard?_

 _We all know that parenthood isn't a walk in the park. It gets stressful and can be a lot to take on. It's not for everyone and it's defiantly not for Alexander. If you give him this child you will be subjecting him to a life of heartache and pain. He will live his life watching his dad be addicted to drugs and sleeping around._

 _A child needs a father and a_ _ **mother**_ _. Two men aren't capable of giving a child everything a mother provides. It is in the child's best interest to give him to a heterosexual couple. Neither Alexander or Magnus Bane have a nurturing bone in their bodies and can never give this child what it needs._

 _I hope this letter helps you make the right choice. Sincerely Robert Lightwood._

I sat there in silence not being able to believe everything I just heard. All I could do was shake my head in shock. "What… did I really just hear all that right?" Magnus nodded silently, seeming just as shocked as I. "Is there anything you would like to address about this letter before I move onto the second one" Sebastian asked looking between us.

I looked at him frowning "my father is the liar. The reason I hid my sexuality is because he and my mother forced me too. When I was old enough to live on my own I decided not to hide it anymore. They kicked me out of the house and I had nowhere else to go but Downtown."

"What about the thing he said about you trying to turn your little brother gay?" I shook my head "more lies. My parents sent Max away to my grandparents because they thought my gayness would taint him. I never even told Max about my sexuality. My little brother was kept from me for years and my parents didn't even tell me that he was dying. By time I found out about it he was already dead and the funeral passed. They told him that I didn't want to see him which wasn't true at all."

"The whole letter is ridiculous" Magnus said looking angry. "Alexander would never do any of the things his father claimed. He would never sell Max for sex or anything harmful like that. Alec doesn't sleep around anymore and he doesn't do drugs."

Sebastian put the letter away before pulling out the other one. "Do you want me to read the one from your father Magnus?" Magnus frowned thinking about it for a moment "yes but I don't think my father is a reliable source. My parents spent most of my life pushing me onto nannies. If you had them take a trivia test on me they would fail."

"I have to consider everything given to me in cases like this. If we ignored letters like these and gave the child to unfit parents it would look bad on us and also harm the child." I frowned "Magnus and I would never harm this child."

Sebastian looked between us for a silent moment before looking down at the letter "how about I read this and we will see what he said." We both nodded somberly and Sebastian cleared his throat before reading the second letter.

 _Dear whoever this may concern. I have recently learned that my only son Magnus Cornelius Bane is attempting to adopt a child with his partner Alexander Lightwood. I am writing to tell you that my son is in no position to be taking care of a child._

 _Magnus is still a child himself. He only moved out of our home five years ago and even then has been living off the money his mother and I provide for him. He uses this money to take care of himself and now that charity case he calls his boyfriend. Alec Lightwood is just taking advantage of Magnus and forcing him into adopting a child is just another way to trick him._

 _Magnus has no experience with children. He's never babysat, never took a family member to the park, no child interaction what's so ever. What do you think will happen when you give someone with no experience with children a baby? Do you expect the drug addict to be the one to change its dippers and clean up its messes?_

 _My son is just getting his fashion career off of the ground. He's following in mine and his mother's footsteps which make us both tremendously proud. However, the choices Magnus has made for his life thus far are questionable at best._

 _When he was eighteen Magnus became so mentally unstable that he willingly crashed himself into a tree, trying to kill himself. He got an amazing job working for Circle Inc. but gave it up to take care of his charity case. What's stopping Magnus from doing that again with his fashion career?_

 _Alec Lightwood isn't good enough for my son and if you were to give them a child you would be subjecting it to the same brainwashing that Magnus has fallen victim too. I hope you do the right thing in not allowing this child to go into such reckless hands._

 _Sincerely, Asmodeus Bane._

I felt like I was going to throw up. I was prepared for all the horrible things my father had to say but I wasn't prepared for that. Magnus's parents really did hate me. I couldn't really tell for sure with the small conversation we had in their office but this confirmed it. They hate me.

I hunched over putting my face in my hands trying not to panic. My father said I was unfit. Magnus's dad said I was unfit. Everywhere you look the fingers are pointing at me. I'm the one not worthy of this child.

Magnus frowned rubbing my back before leaning in whispering in my ear "Alec you can't break down now. If he sees you freak out, then it's all over. You must show him that you can keep a level head. You can handle this."

I took a couple deep breaths closing my eyes. Magnus was right. I can't fall apart in front of the social worker that will just prove our parents right. I can handle this. I can do this.

I took a couple more breaths before sitting up clearing my throat. "I swear to you Mr. Verlac that Magnus and I are both capable of taking care of Max. Please give us a chance to prove it to you before you take what our parents say into consideration. I promise you won't be disappointed."

Sebastian looked between us looking lost in thought before standing up "we have a long time to get to know each other. I'll get to know you two myself and make my own opinion. I'll still be taking all these letters into consideration."

Magnus nodded standing up and walking Sebastian to the door "thank you so much for giving us your time." Sebastian shook hands with Magnus before looking back at me and smiling slightly. Once again his smile made me feel uneasy. "It was nice meeting you Alexander." I nodded swallowing my fear away "you as well."

I watched him as he left and the moment he was gone I fell to my knees looking down at the floor. I curled into a ball running my hands into my hair and clenching on tight. "it's hopeless. We're never going to get Max. I knew this was going to happen."

Magnus walked up to me getting on his knees so he was on my level. "Alexander you heard what he said. He's going to make his own opinion of us before making any big decisions." I shook my head still not looking at him and still clenching tight onto my hair "no one thinks we can be great parents. No one thinks I'll be a good parent."

"Alexander who cares what our parents think. My parents don't know you so they have no right to judge you the way they did. As for your dad he can just go choke of a shrimp puff." I slowly dropped my hands before looking up at him "Magnus I'm being serious here."

He shrugged "so am I. How much would it cost to send your dad a shrimp puff platter?" A smile slowly crept up on my face. "stop trying to make me laugh." He gasped at my accusation "why would I make you laugh during such a serious conversation? Now if you'll excuse me I have a sea food place to call" he said grabbing his cellphone.

I shook my head laughing quietly "okay, okay you derailed me. I calmed down now." He smiled putting down his phone "good. You can't let yourself go over the edge Alec. This is just what our parents want. They want you to freak out, go back to using drugs and fail. Do you want them to get the satisfaction of being right?"

I shook my head no "I don't." Magnus nodded "then we need to stay strong and prove everyone who thinks we can't do this wrong." I nodded running my hands through my hair thinking before smiling teasingly at him "so; your middle name is Cornelius?"

Magnus laughed shaking his head "yes you found out my dirty secret. My name is Magnus Cornelius Bane." I laughed so hard that I hugged my aching sides "that's priceless." Magnus raised an eyebrow "okay Alexander Gideon Lightwood."

I stopped laughing and crossed my arms "hey both Alexander and Gideon are important names in the Lightwood family." Magnus laughed "sure it is." "It really is" I said trying to look angry but couldn't help but smile.

Magnus shrugged reaching over grabbing my hand smiling "I happen to like your first and middle name." "I like yours too. I was just giving you crap." Magnus looked at our hands thinking before smiling up at me "this may be a little soon to talk about but what's going to be Max's middle name?"

I thought about that for a moment "well I chose Max so you can choose the middle name if you wish. I was kind of thinking Michael as a middle name though. Michael Wayland has done so much for us." Magnus nodded "then Michael it is."

I blinked surprised "you're not even going to think it over? You must have someone you want to consider?" Magnus shook his head "not really. You're right Michael Wayland has done so much for us. He helped you get into rehab the first time and tried to warn me about writing the article about you. If I listened to him, we wouldn't have gone through so much strife. Max Michael Lightwood sounds perfect."

"Lightwood-Bane" I said simply. It was Magnus's turn to blink in confusion "Lightwood-Bane?" I nodded glancing away feeling my face flush. "He'd be our son so he should have both of our last names. I think it sounds good."

Magnus smiled nodding "that sounds perfect. Max Michael Lightwood-Bane." I smiled thinking before losing my smile biting my lip "before we give our 'maybe child' his name I think I should tell you how I met Michal Wayland."

This seemed to confuse Magnus "he used to be your fathers best friend right?" I nodded "yeah once upon a time but I never met him while I was living with my parents." Magnus shrugged "okay where did you meet him?"

I bit my lip harder meeting his eyes "Downtown." "oh" Magnus said simply before his eyes slowly widened in shock, realizing the reality of what I said "ooh" I nodded and he laughed awkwardly. "I forgot that you two were… that close."

"It was only once. I was really high and drunk I didn't know who he was. I saw his face once in some of my dads' old photos that were locked up in the attic but I wasn't sober enough to make the connection and… wait, forgot? You already knew?"

"I completely forgot about all of this. The day Michael and I dropped you off at the rehab center he told me about how he took advantage of you. He said you look like your dad when he was young so he slept with you because of it."

I nodded "I hope this doesn't change your mind about making Michael be Max's middle name." He shook his head no "like I said he's done so much for us both. I can't be angry over the one thing he did wrong. He's made up for what he did."

I nodded thinking back to the letter Magnus's father wrote. "Not that I'm trying to change the subject but can I ask you a question about your fathers' letter?" Magnus frowned but nodded "of course."

I thought about how I wanted to ask this before just coming out and asking. "Did you really try to kill yourself? Did you really willingly crash your car into a tree?" Magnus frowned laying his head back and looking up at the ceiling "I did."

I frowned reaching over, putting my hand on his shoulder "how come?" He glanced away looking like he didn't want to look me in the eye as he spoke. "It was stupid." I shook my head putting my hands on both his shoulders and rubbing them "I doubt that's true."

He closed his eyes relaxing under my attention to his shoulders. "It really was. Like I told you before my parents used to push me on my nannies a lot. When I turned eighteen I got pissed that they forgot my birthday so I took my new sports car and drove it into a tree. I thought that if I died or was badly hurt it would make them wake up and start caring."

"Did it make them start caring" I asked though I felt like I already knew the answer. Magnus snorted "I was in a comma for a month and they never showed up once. I spent a few months in the hospital to undergo physical therapy but they never showed. They sent a fruit basket and a card but I'm sure that they didn't really do it."

The fear I was feeling deep inside must have been reflected in my eyes because Magnus quickly cupped my face in his hands frowning at me. "Alexander what's wrong?" I shook my head closing my eyes "I can't imagine it."

"Can't imagine me running my car into a tree and being in a comma?" I shook my head no again "no I can't imagine a world without you in it. You tried to kill yourself and the very thought of that chills me to the bone. I would have never fallen in love with you if you died that day."

He frowned searching my eyes "you also wouldn't have gone to rehab and joined Raphael Santiago." I smiled slightly "Raphael isn't a bad guy. His work is shady but he treats his workers like family. He said that once someone joins him they are forever his family. Even though I quit his gang; if I needed his help he would give it to me."

He shook his head "we will not be getting help from Raphael Santiago ever." "Well it's not like I have a reason to ask him for help" I said shrugging. He put his hand on mine looking deep into my eyes. "Alec I'm serious. We can't let the adoption agency ever find out you were a part of Raphael Santiago's mob. Don't forget that there is a video of you murdering Axel Mortmain out there."

I frowned nodding "I'm aware of that. Valentine Morgenstern has it." I met Magnus's eye frowning "what's stopping Valentine from giving the agency the video? I'm sure he's pissed that we got out of his basement alive. Because of us Raphael got most of his territory Uptown."

Magnus nodded "yeah I know. It is strange that Valentine hasn't retaliated but I think it's because we didn't rat him out the police. No one besides us know he's even in the mob game." I shrugged rubbing my arms "the sooner the nightmares of him stops the better I'll feel about the whole mess. I want to wash our hands of him."

Magnus nodded before standing up "enough about all this hard depressing stuff. What should we have for dinner?" I stood up with him thinking "how about we make a pizza?" "Oh that's a great idea Alexander" he said making his way into the kitchen.

I followed him leaning on the kitchen wall as I watched him gather the ingredients. "so… did anything about Sebastian Verlac seem strange to you?" He looked back at me with a confused expression before going back to finding ingredients. "No not anything in particularly. Why; did something seem off with you?"

I shrugged frowning "I don't know it's just… when he smiled I felt uneasy." "I'm sure it was just your nerves on meeting the agent. You were on edge before he arrived." I nodded thinking about that. "That's true. Maybe it was just a mix of feelings from being nervous."

Magnus nodded "I'm sure it was darling. Now come over here and help me make this. Pizza is a lot more fun to make with two people." I laughed slightly before walking up to him grabbing the dough "yes sir."

* * *

 **Sebastian gives Alec the creeps. I wonder why that is.**


	7. The Complicated Lack of Trust

It's Still Complicated Chapter Seven: The Complicated Lack of Trust.

Alec Pov- _I laid in bed with my eyes closed listening to the silence of the room. I don't really remember getting into bed. I must have fallen asleep on the couch and Magnus brought me here. "Magnus… did I fall asleep" I asked reaching over to the spot where Magnus slept. I frowned when I felt that the spot was empty and cold._

" _Magnus" I asked softly, trying to open my eyes but they were so heavy. It wasn't just my eyes that felt heavy. My entire body felt exhausted. Was it from the stress of meeting the social worker? Maybe I over exerted myself._

 _There was a dip in the bed telling me that someone sat down next to me. "Magnus?" I asked softly, reaching out for him. The hand that reached back was cold as it clenched onto my wrist and pinned my arm down against the mattress._

 _I cried out in pain from the force of the hand on me. "Magnus? That hurts; what are you doing?"_

 _A snicker came from above me as more weight was put on the mattress. I could now feel a long, lean, strong body on top of me; pinning me down against the sheets._

 _Suddenly I could feel the room start to change around me. The nice warm comforter Magnus and I shared together was now a thin sheet and the soft mattress was hard with springs digging into my back._

 _I gasped loudly not liking how familiar this all felt. The hardness of the bed, the smell of alcohol and smoke in the room, but worst of all there was the strong lingering Oder from cologne that wasn't Magnus's._

" _You're… you're not Magnus…" I choked out, feeling my body go into full on panic._

 _The body above me used his free hand to clench my other wrist pinning me down to the bed harder. I screamed out as I thrashed and kicked out from under him wanting to get away. It was no use though. The man was stronger than me. It was like all my strength was sucked away._

" _Poor, poor little Lightwood. Your parents left you all alone in this big bad part of town without any protection. I came down here to find myself a whore but I never thought I would find you" the man above me spoke._

 _I clenched my eyes tight still struggling to get free. "Who are you? Let me go now!"_

 _The man didn't listen to me. He just kept talking as if I never spoke at all._

" _I thought you looked beautiful before in a professional setting but now, having you here under me being completely defenseless; you look absolutely delicious."_

" _Please… stop" I begged but his grip on me just got tighter. He leaned down so our chests were pressed together and I could feel his breath in my ear as he spoke._

" _You should get used to being treated this way. Being someone's play thing is all you'll ever be good for."_

 _I gasped, my eyes opening wide in horror. Those were the same words that my rapist said to me years ago. His words are what made me lose faith in myself and turn to prostitution. Am I having a nightmare or is this a memory?_

" _W-who are you" I asked softly. My entire body was shaking in fear. The man above me lifted his head away from me ear, looking down at me. The shadows were covering his eyes so I couldn't see them. All I could see was his cold twisted smile._

"Don't touch me!" I yelled sitting up in bed and punching the body that was on top of me. I heard Magnus let out a cry in pain as he grabbed his stomach. "What the hell Alec? I was just trying to wake you up; you were having another nightmare. You didn't have to punch me in the gut."

I bit my lip reaching over and rubbing his back "I'm sorry Magnus I didn't mean to hit you. You were on top of me and I thought I was getting attacked."

Magnus sat up frowning at me "never mind that. Are you okay? You were grunting in your sleep as if you were trapped and trying to get away from something."

I frowned hugging myself before glancing away "Magnus… I think I had a memory from the night I was raped."

Magnus flinched before his eyes turned soft with pity and sadness. "What makes you think it was a memory?"

I shrugged frowning "I don't really know. Maybe because he repeated the same words my rapist said to me. Those words were the only thing I could remember from that horrible night. Those words shaped the person I would become."

Magnus reached over putting his hand on my shoulder "think for a moment Alec. Do you remember the guys' face? If you remember his face, then maybe we can tell the police."

I shook my head "It was dark I couldn't see his face. All I could see was his horrifying smile. He seemed to be enjoying my pain and torment."

I looked up at Magnus meeting his eyes "besides, the rape happened Downtown so it won't be put under investigation. People rape downtowners because they know they can get away with it. The police don't try to give drug dealers and the homeless justice."

Magnus shook his head "that's not fair Alec. You were drugged and attacked against your will that night. Not to mention the man took pictures and video. He should get put away for life for doing such awful things."

I nodded "I agree Magnus but there's nothing we can do. I lived Downtown at the time so even if I remembered his face and tried to make an investigation it wouldn't matter. I don't want to go to court and have to relive all of that pain again anyway. All I want is to focus on getting Max."

"What do you think triggered the memory in the first place" Magnus said wrapping his arms around me. I leaned into his chest letting his warmth surround my body. "I don't know. Maybe all the stress that I'm under between getting Max and the withdraw symptoms. Not to mention my normal nightmares about Valentine that usually keep me awake."

He shrugged before pressing his lips to my forehead. "I'm sorry there isn't anything I can do to help you with all of that."

I put my hand over his arm smiling contently "you being right here is more than enough. Having you here to hold me and tell me everything will be alright is the best thing you could do for me. I have always had to face everything alone but I don't anymore now that I have you."

Magnus smiled kissing my forehead again "you'll always have me Alexander. I love you so much." "I love you too Magnus" I said softly before closing my eyes again.

* * *

"Something had to have triggered it" Isabelle said sitting on my couch looking like she was thinking hard. I sighed crossing my arms "Isabelle you said you wouldn't make a big deal out of it. I trust you to keep this between us and to let it go."

Isabelle stood up putting her hands on her hips "my big brother tells me he remembered being raped and you just want me to let it go? Hell no am I letting it go. I want to find the bastard. What do you know about him?"

I sighed rubbing my temples in frustration "Magnus thinks he has to be from Uptown since the guy who gave Magnus the photos of me out cold and bloody on the bed was the guys roommate. He was a guy from Uptown who was visiting Downtown. That doesn't really narrow it down."

"No I suppose not but it's something to go by right? It's a start and we can find this roommate Magnus spoke of. He would know what he looks like right? I bet Magnus would know how to find him if you asked."

I shook my head "we aren't looking for him Isabelle. There would be no point in it. I just want to focus on bringing Max home. Nothing else matters to me right now, especially things from the past."

She frowned but nodded not going to argue with me. "Alright if you don't want to look for the guy then I'll let this go. I still think you deserve justice though."

I shook my head "I don't care about justice. All I care about is having my son and getting my life with Magnus on track. Please respect that and leave all of this alone okay?"

Isabelle sighed standing up "fine if you want me to let it go then I will let it go. I have to get to work, I just wanted to see you before I had to go. It's my first day and I'm super nervous."

Isabelle just got made into an intern for one of her favorite designers. She has talked about working with her forever and has worked hard to get this chance. I never got to see her and Jace graduate so I'm glad I get to experience this important day with her.

"You're going to be amazing Isabelle you have no reason to be nervous. Your style is impeccable and you will be a huge help to the fashion world. Don't doubt yourself okay?"

Isabelle searched my face for a moment before smiling slightly "I missed your pep talks Alec. I could have used some of those in high school." I nodded smiling "I wish I could have given you some advice back then. I plan on making up for that though so I'm sure you'll get sick of it soon enough."

"Never" Isabelle said hugging me. I hugged her back smiling "we'll see how you feel about that after a few years." She moved away from me smirking "I'll be giving you lots of parenting advice sometime in the near future to make up for that."

I laughed shaking my head "how can you give me parenting advice? You don't have any kids to speak of." I stopped smiling now looking at her with a serious expression "and you won't have kids for a good few years if I have anything to say about it."

She laughed turning and walking to the front door "yes sir. I have a career to focus on I don't need a man and kids just yet."

I smiled watching her leave before going to find Magnus. He was in our room gathering our clothes into a laundry basket "do you have anything you want me to wash" he asked smiling at me.

"My favorite jeans please… I didn't know you knew how to do laundry." Magnus smiled winking at me "there's many things you don't know about me Alexander. I'm very good at chores."

"That makes one of us" I mumbled before heading back into the living room. Magnus went to the laundry room laughing at me "there has to be some chore you're good at." "No there really isn't. You saw the state my apartment Downtown was in."

"Yeah that was pretty ba-" Magnus stopped talking now being in complete silence and I listened for him to speak again. "You okay Magnus?"

There was a long moment of silence until finally Magnus's strained voice said "Alec… can you come here for a minute?"

I was confused on why he wanted me to come in there but I did it anyway. "What is it" I asked walking into the room. Magnus was sitting on the floor holding my favorite pair of jeans and wearing a blank look on his face.

I frowned sitting down next to him on the floor "Magnus what's wrong? Why are you making that face?" He looked up from my jeans looking me in the eye "I was checking your pockets to make sure you didn't forget anything in them. Care to explain why I found this" He asked pulling out a baggie of white powder.

My eyes widened at the sight of the drug; my mind going into full blown panic mode. "I-I can explain. It's not mine." Magnus stood up looking furious "what do you mean it's not yours? I find a bag of cocaine in your pants and you're trying to tell me it's not yours."

I bit my lip wondering how I can defuse this situation. It really wasn't my bag of drugs. Jem Carstairs was trying to buy it and when Will found us in the ally I put it in my pocket without thinking. I completely forgot I had it.

Magnus shook his head before walking out of the laundry room going straight to the bathroom. I followed him frowning "Magnus what are you doing?" "What do you think I'm doing? I'm getting rid of this crap."

He dumped the powder into the toilet before flushing it down. The part of me who longed for the drug, the part of me that still felt my blood buzz at the thought and sight of it felt lost watching it get wasted like that.

Magnus made sure it went all the way down before storming out of the bathroom. I followed him feeling panic bubbling up in my stomach. Magnus was really mad; I haven't seen him this mad before.

"Magnus can you please just let me explain?" "Explain what Alec? Explain how you would so foolishly risk ruining everything we have been working for? You convinced me to try and have a baby with you and then you go behind my back and start taking drugs again?"

"I'm not doing drugs Magnus. I have been clean for a year now and I refuse to relapse again." "Then explain to me what that bag of drugs was doing in your favorite pair of jeans" Magnus yelled.

I clenched my fists as I searched his face "I… I can't tell you." Magnus crossed his arms; steam was pretty much coming out of his ears now. "No Alexander I think you can tell me. If we are going to adopt Max, I need to know that he will be safe living with us. If there a chance that he won't be then I'm sorry but the adoption is off."

I frowned at that "you would so easily give up on Max? Magnus you and I are the only ones good enough to raise him. He needs us."

"If you're taking drugs again Max can't be here. You could hurt him just like you're hurting yourself." "I'm not taking drugs" I yelled, exasperated. "I have an explanation but I can't tell you because there are other people involved."

Magnus crossed his arms "so to protect someone else you're going to lie to me? How am I supposed to believe any of this?" I frowned searching his eyes "please Magnus… can't you just trust me? Dr. Crossheart said that I needed to trust you more. Trust goes both ways so please trust that I'm clean."

Magnus frowned, losing his anger and now just looking sad. "Tell me what happened for I have a reason to trust you. I need to hear your explanation Alexander."

I frowned thinking over what might happen if I told him the truth. "Fine… but you have to promise me something. Promise that you will keep it between us no matter how you feel about it."

Magnus frowned at this "why would your story affect me at all? Who would I tell?"

I bit my lip glancing away from him "because the person involved is Jem." Magnus's eyes widened "what do you mean it involves Jem?" I moved over to the couch sitting down and wondering how to go about telling him.

"When I went to visit Michael the other day there was bad traffic blocking my usual route home. I went down an alley way to get to the next street and stumbled across Jem and a drug dealer. I took the bag of drugs out of Jem's hand and yelled at him for trying to use again. The dealer tried to give me a bag of my own but I wouldn't take it."

"Will showed up seeing Jem and I with the dealer and I made him think that Jem was the one who stopped me from getting the drugs. I was so surprised at seeing Will that I stuffed the bag of drugs into my pocket without even thinking."

Magnus listened in silence and I couldn't read his face. It was blank of any emotion. "Do you believe me" I asked softly, frowning.

He let out a sigh; running his hand over his face before looking at me again "I'm choosing to ignore it for now. I need some time to process all of this." I wasn't satisfied with that answer but I had no choice but to accept it. "I'll take that for now" I said softly.

Magnus Pov- "Magnus… Magnus are you okay? You've been zoned out all through lunch" Tessa asked waving her hand in front of my face. I was at her house for the weekly lunch with my friends and I don't really remember getting here. I left Alec right after we got done fighting which wasn't the best thing to do but I didn't know what else to say to him.

"I thought Alec was supposed to come with you today" Ragnor asked watching me from across the kitchen table. "we… we had a small fight" I said not able to keep the frown off my face.

"Aren't you two always fighting? What was it about this time? The baby again" Will asked. I shook my head "no we're both on the same page when it comes to Max. Our fight isn't really that important."

"Well whatever it is I'm sure it will all be resolved soon enough" Jem said putting his hand on mine. I looked at our hands before looking at him frowning "can I talk to you alone Jem?" Jem looked confused but non the less he got up and walking into another room with me.

I closed the door before looking at him "Alec told me a story today and I need you to either confirm or deny it. Please be honest with me and tell me the truth."

Jem frowned "of course. What is it?"

"I found a small bag of cocaine in Alec's jean pocket today while doing the laundry. I accused him of using again and he reluctantly told me a story that involved him stopping you from taking the drug. He says he accidently put the drugs in his pocket when Will showed up. Be honest; is the story true?"

Jem's face turned sad as he looked away from me. "It's all true Magnus. Alec caught me trying to buy drugs and stopped me. He even told Will that I was the one who stopped him from taking the drugs. He took a bullet for me and stopped me from making a huge mistake."

I frowned putting my hand on his shoulder and squeezing it "James, why didn't you tell us that you're having problems with your addiction? We could have helped you."

He shook his head no closing his eyes tight "I'm ashamed Magnus. I'm ashamed of my moment of weakness. Will and Tessa's relationship has been getting to me lately but I can't tell them that. They can't know how I'm feeling. Besides, Will would have tried to talk me into going back to rehab and I don't want to waste any more time there."

"What do you think would have happened if Alec hadn't stopped you? You would have taken the drugs, gotten re-addicted, and would have been forced back into the place without a choice. You can't stress yourself out like that Jem. We have always told you that you can come to us when you are feeling like using."

Jem hugged himself moving away from me and showing me his back. "I… I wouldn't have been able to take it again" he said softly.

"Take what again" I asked confused.

"That look of pity and distrust. You all always watched me like I was some kind of animal that would go crazy at any moment. Once Alec came along you all redirected the look onto him and I felt sorry for him but it was nice not having to be the source of it all. I hate feeling like I can't be trusted and have to be constantly looked down on. I hate it… and I know Alec hates it too."

I frowned think about how hurt Alec looked when I accused him of taking the drugs and ruining all the progress we made for getting Max. I'm always asking him to trust me and feel safe with me but how do I expect him to trust me when I'm not even capable of trusting him?

I turned going to the door and Jem looked at me over his shoulder frowning "where are you going?" I stopped at the door; my back still turned to him "I have to go home and apologize to Alexander. I made a horrible mistake."

"Are you going to tell our friends what I almost did" Jem asked, fear in his voice. I looked back at him frowning before shaking my head no. "I won't say a word to them James. If I find out you started using again, I will tell them everything. We all care about you and don't want to see you fail."

Jem nodded frowning "I won't ever do anything so stupid again." I nodded "I'll hold you to that."

With that I walked out of the room and said my goodbyes to all my friends before heading home to Alec.

When I walked into the apartment it was dark as night. All the curtains were shut blocking out the sun and none of the lights were on. I had to maneuver my way around the couch and coffee table to be able to get to the living room light switch.

Once I got the lights on I looked around the room for Alec but he wasn't there. "Alec? Alec are you here? I need to talk to you" I said going down the hall.

The hallway light was off so it was dark as I made my way down. Every door in the hall was closed with the light off inside; that was until I got to the only lit up room. The bathroom.

I knocked on the door gently, frowning. "Alec darling are you in there? I want to talk with you about what happened this morning." There was no reply but something told me that he was in there.

"Alec I know you're in there will you please answer me?"

Silence.

"I'm coming in then" I said before grabbing the doorknob and going inside. I had to squint my eyes at the sudden brightness of the bathroom light hitting me before looking around the room.

Alec was sitting on the bathroom floor in a daze, staring at the tile floor near the toilet. I moved over to him, sitting down next to him and leaning against the bathroom wall.

"What are you doing Alexander" I asked softly, watching him. He glanced over at me before looking at the floor across from him again. "I haven't stopped looking at it since you left" he said softly.

"Stopped looking at what" I asked confused. He pointed to the floor near the toilet and I had to squint to see what he was pointing at. There was a tiny spot of white powder on the black tile. It must have gotten on the floor when I was dumping the drug into the toilet.

I looked back at Alec going to say something but was struck speechless at the sight of him. He was hugging his knees shaking, his eyes wide in horror.

"I have just been sitting here for hours staring at this damn spot of powder. I want to scoop it up in my fingers and snort it but I can't. I want to feel the buzz in my blood and the high of escape but I can't. I can't so I'm just sitting here looking at the damn thing!"

He took his arms off his legs and ran his fingers into his hair, clenching it hard. "You were right to think I was guilty Magnus. I'm weak. I'm weak and useless and don't deserve to be a father to Max or a lover to you. I'm just so weak!"

I shook my head frowning before pulling him into my embrace "no Alec you're wrong. If you were weak you wouldn't have forgotten that the bag of drugs was in your pocket. You would have taken it the moment you got home or were alone. A weak person would have crawled across that tile floor and found a way to snort that little bit of drug sitting there but you didn't do that. You may be staring at it but that's better than taking it. You may feel weak sometimes but you are far from that. You are the strongest person I know."

Alec looked up at me, tears streaming down his face "but Magnus, you don't believe me."

I frowned stroking his cheek, brushing aside the tears with my thumb. "I do believe you Alec. I should have listened to your explanation and believed you when you first said it. I'm your boyfriend and I love you so that means I should give you the benefit of the doubt."

"So… so you believe what I told you" Alec asked looking hopeful. I nodded holding him close again "of course I believe you. I love you Alexander so I will always be on your side. I promise to have more trust in you and actually talk things out instead of blowing up. I'm so sorry."

He leaned into my body closing his eyes "I'm sorry too. I should have gotten rid of the drugs the moment I got home. I really did forget all about them."

I smiled down at him "and that's how you know you're getting better. The old you would have never forgotten something like that."

Alec looked at me smiling slightly "guess that means I really am getting better." I nodded running my hand through his hair again "Max is going to have one strong daddy."

* * *

 **Alec isn't the only one who needs to learn how to trust. Hope you all liked the chapter and can't wait to hear your thoughts.**


	8. The None Complicated Day with Max

**I hate that this took so long but I had writers block -_- I'm having the same problem with Blue eyed prince. I know where I want to go but I'm having trouble getting from point A to point B.**

 **This chapter is pretty cute. Max is just super duper adorable!**

* * *

It's Still Complicated Chapter Eight: The none Complicated Day with Max.

Magnus Pov- I watched Alec as he moved around the apartment grabbed some toys, stuffed animals, and snacks that we bought for Max. He was practically bouncing on his heels with excitement.

"Alexander I know you're excited but maybe you really should calm down. You don't want to get over excited and scare Max."

Alec looked at me smiling "I can't help it Magnus. I can't hold down my excitement of finally getting to spend some time with Max. I haven't seen him since he was taken from me. That was three months ago."

"Don't forget that Sebastian Verlac will be there watching us the whole time. He'll be taking notes on the way Max reacts around us."

Alec nodded, looking slightly less excited "yes… I know."

"Do you still not like Sebastian" I asked leaning on the wall, watching him.

"He just… something about him just doesn't sit right with me. When he smiles at me I feel… I just don't feel comfortable around him. I'm ignoring that though because this day isn't about me, it's about Max."

"Do you think we will be able to call him Max? They have him named James so we might have to call him that so he won't be confused."

Alec rolled his eyes at this "I don't see why they just couldn't call him Max. If he gets called James too much, then he won't know his real name."

I smiled watching him as he tried to stuff all of Max's stuff into a bag "well the foster parents he's with will also be there. Maybe we can talk them into calling him Max."

"Will they really do that when there's no guarantee that we will be the ones adopting him?"

"They could if we make them like us enough. We just got to try hard."

Alec finally managed to fit all of Max's stuff in the bag somehow, before smiling at me "Today's going to be an amazing day."

I nodded grabbing his hand, kissing it before walking out of the apartment with him.

When we got to the adoption agency we were directed to a cute room with a soft blue carpet, a white wall with jungle animals painted on it, and toys galore.

"Wow this is a children's paradise" I said looking around me.

"We try to make kids feel at ease in this room. Meeting your potential parent is stressful on the older ones and we like to take some of the pressure off" Sebastian Verlac said, walking into the room.

I smiled at him when he came in and shook his hand once he was next to us. "Thank you so much for approving us for this playdate."

He nodded smiling "of course. It's the next step in the adoption process so we need to see how the child feels about you. I understand it can take some time for him to get used to you and this one playdate can't really tell me much. Still, multiple playdates will help a lot."

I nodded smiling "Alec and I appreciate it. Don't we Alec" I asked looking back at him. I frowned when I noticed that Alec was standing super close to me, slightly behind me, and he was avoiding looking at Sebastian.

Alec told me that he doesn't have a good feeling about Sebastian. He thinks somethings up with him but he has to be paranoid. Sebastian seemed like a nice guy and he was even nice enough to move the process along. Meeting the child like this wouldn't normally happen till much, much later.

Sebastian looked at Alec smiling "Are you okay Alec? You look like you could use a cup of coffee. I'll go get us some to drink while we wait for the foster parents to get here."

"That would be great thanks" I said watching him leave. Once he was gone I turned to Alec "what is your problem? You are going to insult our social worker."

"Magnus I just… I can't be around that guy. I don't know what it is but whenever he's near me I feel panic, like I'm in danger. The feeling is worse when he smiles. When he smiles… I just don't feel right about him."

"Well you have to put those feeling aside darling. Max will be here any second and we need to both be at our best. Please try to calm down and treat Sebastian with some respect."

Alec glanced away frowning before looking at me and nodding "I'll try."

Sebastian walked back in holding a tray with three mugs of coffee on it. "The foster family should be here any moment. They were held up in traffic."

That's why it's best never to drive in New York. Half the time you'll get stuck.

We all sat down and Sebastian set the tray on the table before putting each mug in front of us. I thanked him before grabbing my mug, blowing on the coffee, and taking a sip. It was surprisingly delicious for office coffee.

Alec picked up his mug and was putting it to his lips but suddenly he stopped. He looked into the mug looking lost in thought for a second before slowly just putting the mug back on the table.

"Alexander, don't you want any coffee" I asked trying to hide the irritation I was feeling. I was jumping through hoops to please our social worker but he wasn't even trying.

Alec shook his head looking down at his hands in his lap "no thank you."

I glared at him but Sebastian just laughed "it's alright. I don't make great coffee so I understand why you would be hesitant. No hard feelings."

The door to the play room opened and an elderly couple walked into the room, the lady holding Max in her arms.

I bit my lip glancing over at Alec. By the look on his face he had the same idea as me. This elderly couple could be one of two things.

One, they are old fashioned conservative people who don't believe in same sex relationships and will fight with all they have to make sure we don't get Max.

Two, they could just be a really sweet couple who don't judge us by our sexual orientation and just want to find the best family for Max.

I was hoping for the second option. At least one of our worries were out the window. Alec and I feared that the couple taking care of Max would want to adopt him themselves. It seems that won't be the case since these people must be in their late sixties at most.

Alec and I both stood up shaking their hands "it's a pleasure to meet you both" Alec said finally being helpful.

The elderly lady smiled sweetly, she seemed like the most lovable grandmother in the world. "The pleasure is all ours. We have heard a lot about the two of you from Sebastian."

I smiled at Sebastian before glancing at Alec giving him a 'see I told you he was good' look.

Alec ignored it looking at the couple. "I think we should still be formally introduced. I'm Alec Lightwood and this is Magnus Bane."

The elderly man was the next to talk "I'm Walter and this is my wife Joyce."

Those were some really old fashioned names. That explains why they names Max, 'James'.

I looked at Max who was hiding his face in Joyce's shoulder. He's really gotten big since the last time se seen him. Not that I really payed much attention to him the day Alec brought him home. I was just trying to get him out of my house. I never even held him before.

When Alec found Max he was eight months old. It's been four months since then so that means he has to be a year or so. I'm sure that's killing Alec knowing he couldn't celebrate that milestone with him.

"James, don't you want to say hi to Alec and Magnus" Walter asked rubbing his back.

Max hesitated before slowly turning his head and looking at Alec and I. He was a beautiful boy now that I actually let myself look at him. He had tan skin that was sort of like mine and his eyes were a dark blue like Alec's. If I didn't know any better I would say this boy was made for us.

Looking at Max now I could see why Alec fell in love with him at first sight. You could tell just by looking at him that he was a sweet, amazing boy.

Alec smiled sweetly at Max before looking at Joyce and Walter "I hate to confuse him, but Magnus and I are hoping that if we get to adopt him that we will be able to name him Max. Would it be too much to ask if you tried to get him used to that name?"

I was shocked that Alec so boldly asked them about it. I glanced over at Sebastian wondering what he thought of that but his face expression showed nothing.

Walter thought about it before looking at Joyce "Max was actually my father's name. I don't know why I didn't think of it before. What do you think dear?"

Joyce looked at Alec and I, thinking hard about it before smiling sweetly "Max it is. I don't think he's really learned his name fully yet so there still might be time to change it without confusing him."

Alec smiled happily "Thank you so much. I really wanted to name him after my precious little brother. He died at a young age and I wanted to honor him."

Joyce put her free hand over her heart smiling "isn't that precious?"

She looked at Max smiling "well what do you think Max? Are you ready to get on the floor and play with your new friends?" Max stared at her before looking at Alec and I again.

She set him down on the floor and we all sat too, forming a circle around him. Max looked around at everyone in the circle before just looking at Alec. It was impossible, but from the way Max was looking at him you could swear that he remembered Alec.

Alec held his hand out to Max smiling "hello Max. I'm Alec, hopefully your new daddy."

Max blinked looking at the hand before reaching his tiny hand up to grab on of Alec's fingers. Alec laughed smiling lovingly down at Max and I couldn't help but smile back at him.

This was a side of Alec that I've never seen before and I wouldn't mind getting to see it every day for the rest of my life.

"I missed you so much Max. I hope you'll be able to come home soon" Alec said watching Max examine his hand.

"We will have to see how these playdates go" Sebastian said writing things down in his notebook. Alec glanced at him losing his smile slightly before looking back at Max smiling again.

Max turned his attention away from Alec and was now looking at me. I looked back at him now feeling extremely nervous about the possibility of him not liking me. I didn't give him a chance before so we never got to bond like he and Alec did.

Max's head turned to the side, his eyes wide in wonder as he looked at me. I was confused on why he looked like that till I realized the reason. I was sitting under a bright light and the glitter I applied to my hair and eyeshadow was making me look sparkly.

I smiled happy knowing that my son will share my love for glitter and sparkle.

Max let go of Alec's hand and pushed himself off the floor and onto his little chubby legs. He was standing all by himself and the sight brought proud tears to Alec's eyes. I'm sure he would have been even more emotional if it happened while we were raising him but he took what he got.

"He stands pretty good" Walter said watching Max carefully. "Sometimes he falls so it's best to not take your eye off him when he's standing."

As he said that Max's legs wobbled and he fell back on his butt, looking confused on how that happened.

I laughed thinking it was cute and Alec wiped the tear away from his eye before pulling the bag we brought next to him. "We brought Max some toys and snacks to have. I had some of the stuffed animals be in bed with us for that our scent will be on them and maybe Max will get used to us."

I thought that was a ridiculous idea when Alec first mentioned that we do that. I told it sounded like something you would do for a new cat or dog, not a new baby. He told me it would work and that I just had to give it a chance.

Alec pulled toys one by one out of the bag, putting them on the floor next to Max. Max grabbed each one as it was put down, looking excited to have new things to touch and play with. The last thing Alec pulled out was a stuffed wolf and Max's eyes grew large in awe.

Alec blinked seeing the look on his face before looking at the wolf. Once he understood he smiled at Max "do you like this wolf?"

Max stood up wobbling on his feet again before using those wobbly legs to walk over to Alec. He grabbed the wolf from Alec's arms before turning around and sitting on Alec's lap, looking over the animals' furry ears.

Alec and I looked at each other in surprise before smiling and looking at Joyce and Walter. We both lost our smiles though when we saw the shocked looks on their faces. "What is it" I asked wondering if we did something wrong.

Joyce's shocked face turned to a sweet smile "Alec, that was the first time Max has ever walked."

Alec's eyes widened. "Are you saying that Max's first steps were to come to me?"

Walter nodded smiling "that's right, and he doesn't make a habit in sitting in strangers laps either. He only usually sits in our laps."

I smiled at Alec who looked like he was going to cry happy tears again. He kissed the top of Max's head before rubbing it smiling.

We spent an hour or so playing games with Max. He liked peek a boo, patty cake, and reading stories. Most of the time he sat with Alec but there were times where he was with me. He seemed to like it better when I read him stories since I actually put effort into reading the lines.

During story time Max sat in my lap which once again surprised Joyce and Walter. It seemed that all this lap sitting was winning us major points with them. Sebastian on the other hand was stone faced and not giving away any hint of wither or not he thought this was going well.

I have to admit I loved the feeling of having Max in my arms. I felt like he was a part of me that was missing and when he was in my arms I felt complete at last. Maybe that's how Alec felt. When he said that there was a part of him missing and that Max was that piece, I finally understand that.

If I held Max the day Alec brought him home, I might have fallen in love with him too. I might have even agreed with Alec to keep him. That of course would have ended badly for us since technically we couldn't raise Max without legal documents.

Max fell asleep in Alec's arms, holding the wolf that we got him. He hadn't let go of the wolf since the moment he saw it. It was simply love at first sight.

"it's his nap time so it's not surprising he fell asleep. We should be getting him home" Joyce said standing up. Alec nodded standing up and giving Max one last hug, kissing him on the head "I love you Max. I hope to see you soon."

I smiled watching them before kissing Max's head too "love you buddy. Can't wait till we're a family."

I could have sworn Max smiled from our words. We meant every word of them and I really couldn't wait for the three of us to be a family.

Alec Pov- I watched Joyce and Walter leave with Max feeling so happy yet kind of sad. I wish it could have been us that were going home with Max but hopefully that will be reality soon.

I turned to Magnus smiling "so, what do you think now that you officially allowed Max into your heart?"

Magnus smiled wrapping his arms around my waist "I think the three of us are going to be the happiest family in the world." I smiled happily and kissed him in agreement. He kissed me back before breaking it and looking at Sebastian "how do you think we did?"

I glanced back at Sebastian curious of his opinion but I didn't want to get close to him. Something about Sebastian really sets off red flags with me. When he smiles I feel like I'm suffocating and when he gave me coffee every fiber of my being told me not to drink anything he gives me.

Sebastian finished writing in his notebook before closing it and standing up "it went fairly well. We can't base adoption on one visit though it will take a couple more visits."

Magnus nodded smiling "we'll do as many as it takes." His phone started ringing and Magnus looked at it before looking at us "I have to take this call. I'll be right back" He walked out of the room and I froze in fear. How could Magnus leave me alone with Sebastian?!

"You were acting a little strange earlier Alec. Are you feeling okay" Sebastian asked; walking over to me.

I nodded moving slightly away from him "yeah I was just nervous about the visit. I'm not used to being in a family setting that much anymore."

"Well you should get used to this" he said making my entire body tense up. "What did you say" I asked, almost breathlessly.

"I said you should get used to this. Being nervous comes with the package of being a parent."

His words struck a deep chord with me. They kept repeating in my head over and over again.

You should get used to this, you should get used to this… you should get used to this, _sleeping around and letting people use you is all you'll ever be good for._

I quickly backed away from Sebastian pressing my back against the wall. I felt like a scared trapped animal being in a room all alone with him.

Sebastian looked at me frowning slightly "what is it?"

I swallowed hard before asking in a shaky voice "are you… are you the one who raped me?"

Sebastian stared at me with a blank expression before just smirking. "You finally remember me? I was a little sad that you forgot."

"I never forgot what you did to me. I just couldn't remember your face" I said softly, almost whispering.

He walked up to me keeping me trapped between him and the wall "now that you remember what are you planning on doing? You have no proof that did anything to you and no one will take a prostitutes' word. I'm glad you took my suggestion on becoming one by the way, your body was heavenly and I was honored to be the first to taint it."

I closed my eyes tight, hugging myself "stop talking. I don't want to hear about what you think of my past choices. It's your fault I ended up like that."

Sebastian scoffed at me "oh please. You would have ended up as some ones' play thing anyway. I just hurried up the process."

"I know it's you now. I can get you arrested somehow. You don't deserve to be working with children" I said glaring at him.

This made him angry. He grabbed me by the front of my neck and slammed my head against the wall "now you listen to me you little shit. You have no control over the situation. No proof, no alibi. No one will believe you ever. Still though, I rather not take the chance. You will keep your mouth shut or else."

"Or else what" I asked glaring at him.

He smirked again "Your future as a parent rests in my hands. What's stopping me from doing a house check and 'finding' a huge bag of cocaine in your bedroom. That would ruin your chanced of every becoming a father. I could ruin your life and wouldn't lose a wink of sleep over it."

"You already ruined my life once" I said breathlessly.

"I could do it again. One word out of you about our past together and I will do everything in my power to make sure you can't adopt Max or any child ever. Am I understood?"

I just watched him in silence not saying a word and he moved away from me just in time for Magnus to come back into the room.

"I have to get down to my studio there is a fabric emergency" he said before looking at me. His face looked worried at the sight of me "Alec what happened? Your face is as white as a sheet."

I shook my head grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the room "I just want to get out of here."

He went with me obviously confused "Alec darling what's the matter? You were so happy when I left the room."

I shook my head letting go of Magnus's hand once we were outside "it's nothing Magnus. I'm just a little overwhelmed by everything happening."

"Are you second guessing having Max" he asked and I quickly turned around to face him "No I would never!"

Magnus searched my face frowning "I need to get to the studio. Are you going to be okay walking home by yourself?"

I nodded "of course, why wouldn't I be? I'll see you when you get home" I said before walking away, heading in the direction of home.

What was I supposed to do now that I know who my rapist was, worst of all he's my social worker. He holds my future with Max in his hands and he won't hesitate to destroy it. Every time I find something great in my life something from my past always ruins it.

I stopped in front of my apartment looking down at my feet "what am I supposed to do" I asked frowning.

There was nothing I could do but keep quiet and not push Sebastian's buttons. That's not me though. The me from downtown wouldn't have thought twice about fighting against Sebastian. He would have just done it and wouldn't have stopped till he won.

"Even if I don't rat him out. I can tell that there is no way I will be able to adopt Max. He won't let me be happy if he can help it."

I looked at my apartment door thinking before shaking my head and walking in the other direction, going somewhere I thought I would never have to go again.

I stood in front of an old familiar building in Downtown New York. I never thought I would come back to Downtown but this was an emergency. Magnus will be mad at me for this but he doesn't understand the position we are in. I have no choice but to ask for help.

I walked through the doors and went straight to the office not bothering to stop and talk to anyone as I walked by. People looked surprised to see me but they must have seen the seriousness in my face because they never tried to stop me.

I pushed the office doors open walking right in and up to the desk where the only person left to help me sat. Raphael Santiago.

* * *

 **Did anyone guess that Sebastian was the one who raped Alec? I bet some of you did. Now Alec is desperate and going to Raphael for help even though he promised Magnus he would never get help from him again.**


	9. The Complicated Dinner Date

**Been a long time since I updated this but I'm getting back to it. To recap for those who forgot, in the last chapter they had a playdate with Max and Alec found out Sebastian was the man who raped him and he went to get Raphael's help behind Magnus's back.**

* * *

It's Still Complicated Chapter Nine: The Complicated Dinner Date

Magnus Pov- I sat in my office looking over some fabric swatches to decide on the color for my next design. I was making a collection so I had to make sure the mix of colors were perfect. "What do you think about this one" I asked, holding light blue silk up to Mr. Portman. He was one of my investors and was checking in on some of my progress.

He picked it up, looking it over before smiling. "I think it's perfect. Don't doubt yourself Magnus, everything you pick is always great. I wouldn't be investing money in you if I didn't think so."

I nodded, putting the silk with my other choices. "Is checking on my progress all you came here for sir?" He shook his head no smiling. "I wanted to congratulate you Magnus. Your business is the fastest of my investments' I've ever seen grow. I'm very impressed with you."

I smiled, thinking about what he said. Business at my boutique has been great. We opened a month ago, and my store is still crowded from opening to closing. I had to hire more workers and enhance production of my designs just to keep up with it all.

"It's all because of you and some of my other investors. I can't thank you enough for believing in me." He nodded smiling, "I know what it's like to not want to ride your parents' coattails. You want to make a name for yourself and I respect that. I was just like you when I was your age."

I smiled, thinking it was the highest compliment. Gorge Portman was a millionaire who earned his money at a young age. He was big in Wall Street and everyone knew his name. If I could be as successful as him someday, that would be amazing.

"Anyway, I wanted to celebrate your progress. How about dinner at my place tonight? You could bring Alexander as well. We'll have a fancy dinner and some champagne. What do you say?"

I smiled thinking it was a great idea but lost my smile when I thought about Alec. He's still weird about being around the uptown crowd. Especially high-class people like Portman. Not just that, it seems ever since our play date with Max, Alec has been acting strange. He seems distracted and a little distant.

"That sounds great Mr. Portman, but I don't know if Alexander will be up for a dinner party. He is still a little hesitant about being around uptowners." He smiled, "he doesn't have to worry, it will just be my wife and I and we aren't judgmental people. He is completely welcome at our home."

I thought about that for a moment before smiling, nodding. "I'll talk to Alec about it and see what he says. I think it will work out though, we'll be at your house tonight." His smile grew, "splendid. I'll make the arrangements and have everything prepared. Be at my place around eight."

I nodded smiling and he waved before walking out of the room.

I walked into the flat a couple hours later, looking around the living room for Alec. "Alexander? I'm home," I called out before walking in the kitchen. I stopped in my tracks when I saw Simon Lewis leaning against our counter.

Alec looked over at me smiling. "Hey Magnus, Simon came to visit me. I hope you don't mind." I looked between them before slowly shaking my head no. "Of course, not… it's pretty sudden." Simon shrugged, "Raphael and I have been curious on how Alec has been doing. He is our friend after all so it's only normal to want to check on him."

I frowned, not liking that Raphael was curious about Alec's health. The last thing I want is Alec getting involved with him again. Simon looked at Alec smiling, "I should get going but I'll see you tomorrow night." Alec nodded and I frowned, "tomorrow night, where are you going?"

Alec looked at me, "I'm going to go out to dinner with Simon tomorrow to properly catch up. It's been awhile and I miss spending time with him." I glanced between them before asking, "is Raphael going to be there?"

I could tell this question irritated Alec. "No Magnus, he's not going to be there. Even if he was, that wouldn't be any of your concern. Raphael is still my friend no matter what our history may be. I'm not going to just stop being his friend."

"You can't afford to be his friend Alec. Just think what people will say if they catch you with him?" This made Alec cross his arms, "you always tell me not to care about what people are saying or thinking about me. Now suddenly, I'm supposed to care? Which one is it Magnus?"

"That's not what I meant Alec… it's just… Raphael is…" I sighed defeated. "I just don't want you to get any ideas about rejoining him." Alec sighed, dropping his arms. "Magnus, being in the mob would just put a target on my back. It would put Max in danger and that's the last thing I would ever do. I swear to you that I am not rejoining Raphael's mob, okay?"

I watched him hesitantly before nodding. I had to be more trusting of Alec, and accusing him of things won't get me anywhere. I chose not to believe him when I found that coke in his jeans. I can't make that mistake again.

"I'll see you tomorrow Alec. It was good seeing you again Magnus," Simon said before showing himself out. I watched him go before looking back at Alec. "Are you sure he's the friend you want to hang out with?" Alec raised an eyebrow and I raised my hands in surrender. "Okay, okay, I'll back off."

"Thank you," Alec said, grabbing some pot holders and moving over to the oven. "What are you doing," I asked watching him. He smiled at me, "I made us a romantic dinner." "You did," I asked, eyeballing the oven. Now that I was paying attention, something did smell like it was burning.

Alec opened the oven and pulled out a casserole dish. I don't know what the meal was supposed to be, but it was charred black and smelled as fishy as it looked. I bit my lip looking it over before looking at Alec. He looked down at it, his blue eyes droopy like a sad puppy.

"I guess it didn't turn out…" he said, frowning. I smiled, putting my hand on his shoulder. "Don't feel bad about it Alexander. I'm sure it would have been a lovely tuna casserole." He looked up at me, looking even more wounded, if that was possible.

"It was meatloaf."

"Oh…"

The silence dragged on between us as we both stared down at the ruined dinner. I looked up at him smiling, "this is for the best. Mr. Portman invited us to his house for a fancy dinner tonight, to celebrate my boutique."

Alec frowned slightly before glancing away asking, "both of us?" I nodded, "He wants me to meet his wife and told me to bring you. We can consider it our first uptown dinner date as a couple."

"I don't know, maybe you should go without me. I'm not very good at fancy dinner dates anymore and I'm sure I would just be in the way."

I shook my head smiling, "nonsense Alexander, he personally asked for me to bring you so it would be rude to ignore his invitation. I'm sure he won't judge you or ask you any uncomfortable questions."

Alec searched my eyes before nodding hesitantly, "if it means that much to you, then I will go." I smiled happily, taking the dish and placing it on the table before pulling him into my arms. "Thank you so much baby. I wouldn't want to celebrate without you."

He smiled at me but it was obviously forced. "Anything for you Magnus."

Alec Pov- We stood in front of a big fancy house, right outside of the city. Magnus was excited about this dinner but I couldn't push down my nerves. I would be nervous if it was anyone, but it was Gorge Portman. He used to be one of my regular customers. I would sleep with him at least once a month, twice if he was stressed with work.

Now I'm supposed to sit in his fancy house and meet his wife? I still haven't told Magnus about Portman being one of my customers, and I'm sure he hasn't said anything about it either since Magnus hasn't mentioned it.

"Don't look so nervous Alec, this dinner will go great," Magnus said, turning to me and fixing the blue tie he forced me to wear. I nodded biting my lip. "I know… I'm just not used to all of this." He nodded, grabbing my hand and walking up the porch steps with me. "I know but there's no reason to be. Mr. Portman and his wife are really nice people."

"There's no such thing as 'really nice people' Magnus. There's always two sides of a person and everyone has secrets," I said frowning. Magnus frowned at me, "come on Alexander, you can't keep thinking like that. You have to learn to let people in, even if you're scared."

'Believe me Magnus, Gorge Portman is the last man you want me putting my guard down around', I thought to myself. Magnus squeezed my hand before ringing the doorbell. I bit my lip, squeezing Magnus's hand harder as we waited.

A maid opened the door and smiled at us, inviting us inside. We went in and I looked around, not able to stop my curiosity. I always wondered what kind of homes my customers had. They threw tons of money my way so I knew they weren't in short supply.

Gorge Portman had a house fit for his stature. Crystal chandeliers on the ceiling, a grand staircase leading up to the second floor, long shiny hallways that lead down miles. Magnus whistled, looking around as well, "this place is amazing."

"I take pride in it," Gorges' voice came from behind us. We turned to face him and I frowned looking at him and his wife. She was so beautiful. Blonde curly hair cascading down her back and over her shoulders, a sliming body that was even more highlighted by the black dress she was wearing, and the most stunning green eyes I have ever seen.

It was hard to believe he would ever cheat on a woman this beautiful, especially with someone as insignificant as me. I'm sure he only married her for people wouldn't question his sexuality. You don't marry someone like that and be gay.

His wife's eyes met mine for a moment before she smiled sweetly at me. I smiled nervously, feeling guilty for sleeping with her husband behind her back. She looked nice, but like I told Magnus, everyone has two sides.

"This is my wife Fiona," he said, smiling at her. She bowed her head slightly in greeting, "it's nice to meet you both. I've heard a lot about you Magnus." Magnus smiled back at her, "I've heard a lot about you too. This is my boyfriend Alec Lightwood."

She looked in my eyes again still smiling, "charmed Alexander." I nodded, feeling like her eyes were hiding something. When Jonathan was Sebastian, he would always tell me that you can see a person's lies in their eyes. Her eyes were hard to read so it was hard to really tell.

"You have an amazing house Mr. Portman. I thought my childhood home was stunning but this has it beat," Magnus said smiling, looking around. Gorge smiled at this, "dinner is falling a little bit behind. How about we give you a tour while we wait?"

Magnus nodded, "that would be great, thank you." I glanced at him, wondering if that would really be a good idea. I was just hoping we would have a quick dinner and leave right after. The longer I'm around Gorge Portman and his wife, the more uncomfortable I'm going to be.

They headed up the grand staircase and Magnus followed them, pulling me with him. I went without a fight, looking around as we went from room to room. We ended up in a room that was nothing but framed pictures. They were either pictures of gorge accepting awards, or of him and his many children. I swear he had like twelve and most of them were fully grown. His youngest looked my age.

I frowned at the thought of someone being okay with sleeping with someone his youngest sons age. Then again, the wife must be in her late thirties. I'm sure one of this kids are about her age.

"You have a big family," Magnus said smiling, looking around. Gorge smiled, "If you think I have a lot of kids, you should see all my grandchildren. I have almost as many of them as I do children."

Magnus laughed at that. "I bet it's never a dull moment when they're all over." Fiona shook her head, laughing softly. "No, it's definitely not. Most of them are still young children so it gets really noisy." "I can imagine," Magnus said nodding, "We're trying to adopt a baby so hopefully our place becomes noisy soon."

I smiled, thinking about Max running around the apartment playing. I would love to see that someday. It was so much fun playing with him during our playdate. At least it was until it got ruined.

"How about we move onto another room," Gorge asked, leading Magnus out of the room. I watched them go before looking back at the pictures one more time. The people in these pictures are smiling, but are they truly happy? I know most of the smiles I made in my family pictures were fake. I wonder if any of these are.

"You're falling behind Alec," Fiona's voice came from behind me. "oh, I'm sorry. I just wanted to take one more look at your family. It's lovely," I said still looking at one of the family pictures.

"I'm surprised a homewrecker like you can appreciate family," her sweet voice cursed.

I frowned, turning around looking at her. The sweet smile that was plastered on her face was no longer there. Instead, there was a scowl taking its' place. Now there wasn't a single lie in her beautiful green eyes. They were full of hate

"E-excuse me," I asked, frowning. Her eyes narrowed, staring me down hatefully. "You don't think I know who you are? Do you think I'm a fool who's blind? I can see it in the way he looks at you. You're one of his whores."

The word 'whore' made me flinch and I shook my head no. "You're mistaken. Yes, I used to be in that line of work but I haven't met your husband before the dinner party months ago," I cried, trying to sound convincing. I must not have been because her glare worsened.

"Don't lie to me boy. I know all about my husbands' secret desires. He loves me, I will never doubt that, and he loves making love to me. However, he also likes men and he seems to need that part of him quenched occasionally. He talks in his sleep you know, and when he dreams, sometimes he speaks on a handsome young man with black hair and stunning blue eyes. I doubt they're a dime a dozen Downtown, so it could only be you."

I was going to deny her again but I just sighed, giving up. What would be the point in lying to her? She wouldn't believe anything I say. "Look, I'm sorry that I slept with your husband… a lot, but I wasn't trying to wreck your family. Your husband came to me and I was doing what I had to, to survive. Surely you can understand that I couldn't afford to reject offers when they came."

"How many times," she asked, crossing her arms over her chest. I frowned not liking where this question was going. "What do you mean," I asked innocently but she didn't buy it. "You know what I mean. How many times did you sleep with my husband?"

I bit my lip, "I don't think you want to know," I said softly. She stared me down before starting to circle around me. "What are your attentions with Magnus Bane? Are you using him to get to my husband? If you think he will leave me for you, then you are deeply mistaken."

I couldn't stop myself from gagging at that. "Your husband is in his sixties, right? If I'm not getting paid, then I'm not sleeping with that anymore. I try to block out the old men I've been with but that's most of my old customers."

Talking bad about her husband wasn't winning me points with her. She got in my face, making me be pressed up against one of the shelves. "Does Magnus know about your relationship? Is he blackmailing Gorge into investing in his store?"

I started to panic at the mention of Magnus. "No! no, he doesn't know and he can't know. Mr. Portman believes in Magnus's work and Magnus is grateful to him. I don't want to ruin Magnus's chances of keeping his investment so I don't want him to know that we were involved with each other. Please, I'm begging you, don't tell him!"

She looked thoughtful for a moment before crossing her arms again. "Very well, I won't tell him. If I see you trying to steal my husband, then I won't hesitate to tell him. Got it?" I nodded "I swear I don't want to take your husband from you or ruin his name in anyway. I just want to be happy with Magnus."

That made her snort as she turned her back to me. "People like you don't get to be happy." With that she walked out of the room leaving me there in silence. I clenched my fists, trying to clear the lump in my throat. There goes another person trying to ruin my happy ending. It's bad enough I have Sebastian to worry about, but now I have to worry about her telling Magnus the truth.

I know Magnus won't be mad that I slept with Portman, that's not the issue. The problem will be that I kept it from him and I'm keeping it from him still. I know if he finds out, he won't want to work with Portman and he can't afford that right now. His business is just getting off the ground and Gorge Portman can ruin Magnus just as easily as he helped boost him up.

There was a knock on the door and Magnus popped his head in smiling at me. "Hey, we lost you. What are you still doing in here?" I glanced around, not able to look at him right now while I was feeling so guilty. "I was looking at the pictures a little bit longer."

Magnus smiled, walking over to me and looking at the pictures too. "This really is amazing huh? To have so many children." I shrugged, "I don't know how amazing having seven wives and getting all them pregnant is."

Magnus laughed at that. "You make him sound like a polygamist Alec. Yeah, getting married seven times is weird but it's doesn't mean he loves his family any less. Someday that's going to be us."

"We're going to marry seven people and have thousands of kids," I asked, dryly. He laughed shaking his head, "you know that's not what I meant. I mean, we're going to have Max someday and we will be able to take tons of pictures like these and blast them all over our walls. We'll be those parents that do nothing but post pictures of their kids on Facebook."

"I don't have a Facebook," I said simply. "There's no point, I would only have six friends." "The point Alexander, is that we're going to be that happy family we both have always wanted. It's going to be great."

"Not if Sebastian keeps Max from us," I said softly, frowning. This caused him to frown. "I keep telling you he won't Alec. Why are you so sure that Sebastian is out to ruin everything?"

I closed my eyes, wondering if I should tell him the truth. That Sebastian was the one who raped me and ruined my life. He admitted to it and he even said he wouldn't stop ruining my life. He said that if I tell anyone about what he did to me, my chances of ever having Max are as good as done. I'm not a fool though, I know he won't give me Max. He'll deny us and then if I try to accuse him after, he'll say I'm just trying to get back at him for not giving us a son.

"You're right… I'm working on trusting him, I swear." I couldn't tell him the truth. I don't know if he will be able to handle it.

It doesn't matter anyway because with Raphael and Simons help, my problems will soon be taken care of. I promised Magnus I wouldn't go back to him and I meant it. That promise must take a back seat for a day. I need their help if I'm going to finally be free.

"Oh, I came in here to get you because Mr. Portman told me that dinner was done. We should head to the dining room. It's rude to keep our hosts waiting," Magnus said, grabbing my hand and leading me out of the room.

When we got to the dining room I was disappointed to see that there was a seat empty next to Gorge. I tried to make my way to the seat furthest from him while also not looking suspicious. I didn't move fast enough though because Magnus sat down in the seat I wanted.

I bit my lip before glancing at the only empty seat left, right next to Gorge. He patted the seat smiling slightly, "I don't bite Alec. Sit down."

He may not bite but who knows what else he may do. I sighed quietly before sitting in the chair next to him. His wife was on the other side of him and she wasn't happy to see me so close to him. She was once again fake smiling, but the hate was still in her eyes.

The maids brought out our food on silver platters with matching lids over them. Once every dish was set on the table, they pulled the lids off to reveal lobster sitting on the plate. Magnus smiled looking over the dish. "Wow, when you said fancy dinner you meant it."

I inwardly groaned, wanting to slam my head against the table. He served lobster. Fucking lobster! Years ago, when we first started to be involved with each other, I told him I never had lobster and he said he would feed it to me someday. He was playing games with me now and I was not happy about it.

"Have you ever had lobster Alec," he asked, smiling at me. It took everything I had not to glare daggers at him. "No, I can't say that I have." This made him smile, "well, have as much as you'd like. We have plenty for seconds."

It killed me not being able to roll my eyes. If Magnus saw me, he would think I'm being rude and scold me again. I can't come across as rude, so I just smile and start to eat. Magnus ate as well smiling, "I don't remember the last time I had lobster."

Fiona smiled at Magnus, "we have meals like this every night. Someday maybe you will too when you become more successful." Magnus nodded, "I can only hope."

I ate silently, leaving them to talk among each other and I thought about how I can get myself out of all these situations I seem to being finding myself in. Never in my dreams would I have thought my past would come back to haunt me this much. I don't know how anything could get worse.

I was pulled out my thoughts by a hand suddenly appearing on my knee. It wasn't coming from Magnus' side of the table, it was coming from Gorges'. Glancing down, I saw his hand sitting there on my knee, clenching it and stroking it with his thumb.

While he was doing this, I glanced over at him, hoping the anger in my eyes was enough to make him stop. He wasn't even looking at me. He was laughing and talking to Magnus while trying to feel up his boyfriend. God, uptown people really make me sick!

His hand moved up my thigh, making me jump in my seat in surprise. Magnus noticed and looked at me, "you okay Alec." I nodded clenching my teeth. "yeah, fine." He watched me for a moment before looking back at Gorge, going back to talking to him about work.

I looked over at his wife and wasn't surprised to see her evil glare on me. She must have noticed what was going on under the table. She's glaring at me like it's my fault but it's not like I asked him to do this!

It's when his hand slid on my inner thigh that I couldn't take it anymore. I quickly stood up making everyone look at me. Magnus looked beyond confused and I cleared my throat saying, "blueberry."

Blueberry was our code word for when I have withdraw symptoms. Magnus said that we should have it in case we were at an event and I started feeling bad. I wasn't feeling withdraw now, but I wanted to get out of this place as soon as possible.

Magnus frowned at me before looking at Gorge. "I apologize Mr. Portman. Alec isn't feeling well so we should get going." He frowned slightly but nodded, "of course. I hope you feel better Alec." I just nodded and walked out of the room, not wanting to give him a chance to touch me again.

This was all so ridiculous. Do I not deserve respect just because of my old line of work? Just because I used to sleep around, he thinks he can put his hands on me however he likes, even in front of Magnus. That's just disgusting.

"Alec, wait for me," Magnus said chasing after me. I stopped in front of the front door, rubbing my arms to make him think I was starting to feel withdraw. I hate tricking him but I have no choice. I can't be around that man one more second.

"Are you feeling okay," he asked, putting his hands on my arms and rubbing them up and down to try to help my none existent nerve pain. I nodded looking in his eyes, "it's just a small one but I don't want to have it in front of these people."

He nodded and put his arms around me, walking out of the house and hailing a cab. I laid my head on his shoulder, wondering how I got so lucky to find such a sweet guy. He was worried about me and though it made me feel guilty for tricking him, I also felt happy and loved by him.

Magnus Pov- "Are you sure you're okay to go? You just had withdraw last night while we were out. What if you have it again," I asked, watching Alec get ready for his dinner with Simon Lewis.

"Simon knows what to do when I feel that way. He had to deal with it during that year I was in the mob. Stop worrying about this Magnus, it's just dinner." Alec pulled on his jacket before looking at me. He searched my eyes for a moment before reaching up, touching my cheek.

I frowned, leaning into his touch. "If it's just dinner, why do your eyes look worried?" Alec smiled sweetly at me, stroking my cheek with his thumb before he pulled his hand away. "It's going to be okay Magnus."

With that he turned around walking out of the door, going to meet with Simon who was waiting downstairs. I leaned against the closed door, considering following him but I quickly shook that thought out of my head. I promised him trust and that's what he's going to get.

That's what I said, but when three AM rolled around and he didn't come back I started to panic. Was he hurt? Was it a set-up and Raphael wanted Alec dead? Maybe he was already dead in a ditch somewhere. God, why did I let him go!?

The sound of the keys in the lock made me sit up quickly on the couch, staring at the door. It opened and I sighed in relief seeing Alec standing there looking completely unharmed. My relief quickly turned to anger as I stood up, crossing my arms.

"Where have you been Alexander? What dinner takes till three AM? What else were you doing, and don't lie to me."

Alec frowned watching me before just walking up to me silently and wrapping his arms around my waist. He hid his face in my neck frowning and I wrapped my arms around him frowning. "What's going on Alexander?"

"I'm sorry Magnus, we were having dinner downtown and I guess being there overwhelmed me. I passed out at the diner and Simon took me to Raphael's to rest. I just woke up an hour ago," he said softly. I frowned looking down at him, "why didn't he bring you here? I would have taken care of you."

"Raphael's was closer." He said before pulling away from me and grabbing my hand. "I'm still a little tired. Let's just go to bed and talk about this all tomorrow." I hesitated on going with him, wondering if I should let the subject drop. Alec looked tired though and I wasn't any better off.

I nodded going with him to our room, squeezing his hand. He laid his head on my shoulder as we went and once we got there, I sat in bed while he changed into some sweatpants. I watched him change and once he was done he got in bed, surprisingly cuddling close to me and laying his head on my chest. Alec didn't normally cuddle when he sleeps so this was different.

"I love you Magnus, I have a good feeling about how things are going to turn out for us."

I looked at him, going to ask him why he thought that but he was already asleep, which again, was shocking. Alec has been having trouble sleeping for months, he's never just fallen asleep like this.

I ran my hand through his hair watching him sleep for a little bit before my tired eyes lids closed and I fell asleep with him.

* * *

 **Alec's up to something. Guess we will see what it is next chapter. I haven't written for this in awhile so I need to get back into the flow of these characters. This chapter felt rushed to me, kind of like my old writing style. Especially Magnus's Pov's, but that's to be expected when you stop working on something for so long.**

 **I don't think I said it here yet so I will now. I have a Twitter. I'm The Malec Princess and you can follow me at tmilover2873 to be up to date on my story updates.**

 **Next chapter will be out soon.**


	10. The Complicated Kill

It's Still Complicated Chapter Ten: The Complicated Kill

Alec Pov, eight hours ago- "Are you sure you're okay to go? You just had withdraw last night while we were out. What if you have it again," Magnus asked, watching me get ready to go out with Simon. He thinks I'm going to dinner and honestly, that's what I wish we were really doing. Instead, Simon and Raphael were helping me get even with Sebastian Valeric for raping me and trying to keep Max from me.

"Simon knows what to do when I feel that way. He had to deal with it during that year I was in the mob. Stop worrying about this Magnus, it's just dinner." I grabbed my jacket, putting it on before looking at Magnus, searching his eyes.

I know Magnus wouldn't like the things I'll be doing. The plan is to scare Sebastian into doing what I want. Knowing my luck though, things will get out of hand and I'll be forced to go for the kill. Raphael doesn't like getting his hands dirty and he wouldn't let Simon do anything, so taking care of Sebastian would have to be my job.

I looked in Magnus's eyes a little longer before putting my hand on his cheek, gently stroking it with my thumb. He frowned, leaning into my touch. "If it's just dinner, why do your eyes look worried?"

I smiled sweetly, still stroking his cheek with my thumb. Magnus could read me better than anyone. I was worried, worried that something bad will happen and I won't be coming back. I would never let that happen if I could help it.

I pulled my hand away trying to keep calm "It's going to be okay Magnus." I gave him a quick kiss before walking out of the flat, going down the stairs to meet Simon outside. Simon was leaning against the building, watching the people that walked by.

"I forgot how nice it is to be able to stand on the sidewalk without the fear of getting mugged." I laughed at that, shaking my head. "I know right, when I first came back here I was always looking over my shoulder. Of course, that mostly had to do with the hell Valentine put me through in his basement."

Simon frowned putting his arm over my shoulder. "You survived all of that Alec. You're the strongest person I know. Raphael is sorry about what happened to you." I shook my head, walking down the street with him. "It wasn't Raphael's fault. I'm the one who got caught."

"yeah, but Raphael is the one who sent you to kill Valentine in the first place," Simon said, looking around to make sure we weren't being followed. "It was my job. I would have hit my target if Magnus didn't walk into the room. I was so close to hitting him instead."

"I'm just glad you both made it out alive and are together once again. Magnus was going crazy not knowing where you were or if you still hated him." I sighed at that, "at the time I did still hate him. Now I'm the one sneaking around behind his back."

We passed the boarder of uptown, into downtown and I breathed in the thick, dirty air. I never thought I would miss this place but there was just something… homey about it. I never want to live here again, especially with Max, but I will never forget how this place made me stronger.

When we got to Raphael's hide out, I was surprised when people started bowing as we walked by. "Looks like you've gained some respect since I left," I teased, nudging him with my elbow. "I still don't have any respect around here. All that bowing is for you."

That shocked me. "These people are bowing to me? Why would they do that?" Simon rolled his eyes as if it was obvious. "All these people are hitman Raphael has recently hired. Rafe is always telling them about your work so they know the shoes they need to fill. They have the highest respect for you."

I looked back toward them, still a little shell-shocked. "Alec! You're back," I familiar female voice cheered. Looking back ahead of me, I could see Marine Brown running toward us, her blonde curls bouncing off her back.

She jumped in the air, wrapping her arms tight around my neck and dangling from it since I was so much taller than she was. "We miss you, so, so much Alec. Please tell me you're coming back to work for Raphael. Malcom and I hate our new boss," she whined, pouting.

I gave her a quick hug before detaching her arms from around my neck. "It's nice to see you too Marine. I'm only coming back for one night and it's only because I need Raphael's help." "Help with what? What's going on? Do you need help from Malcom and I?"

I shook my head, "thanks for offering but I have everyone and everything I need." She pouted but nodded, crossing her arms over her chest. "If you say so." I glanced between her and Simon, expecting her to cling to him and ask to go on a date but nothing happened. She just blew me a kiss and walked away from us.

"What? No obsessive flirting or her being all over you?" Simon shrugged, "Raphael finally took notice I think. He walked in on her hugging me and the last thing I knew, she stopped flirting with me all together."

"I'm sure you're happy about that," I said, following him to Raphael's office. He nodded, "beyond happy. It was starting to get out of hand." He pushed the double doors open and we walked straight to Raphael's desk. He was standing by it, opening a suitcase and pulling guns out of it.

"I made sure to get all the best equipment for this mission. Do you both remember the plan?" Simon nodded grabbing one of the guns. "Alec calls Sebastian and tricks him into meeting him somewhere. Once he gets to the meeting spot, we'll knock him out and drag him into the woods. Once he wakes up we will 'persuade' him into giving Alec and Magnus their son and leave them alone. If he doesn't listen, we'll send him somewhere far away."

Raphael took the gun from him shaking his head. "You aren't going idiota. You don't know how to use a gun. I don't need to worry about you shooting yourself in the foot." Simon scoffed, offended, "I know how to fire a gun. Alec tell him I can fire a gun."

I bit my lip staying quiet causing Simon to frown. "You don't think I should go either?" "You're not a trained hitman Simon. Raphael and I know what we're doing so we won't have to worry about each other. If you're there, we must look out for you and that could jeopardize the mission."

Simon crossed his arms, obviously not happy and Raphael put an arm around him, kissing his temple. "Don't be mad baby. We're just looking out for your safety." He rolled his eyes but didn't really seem mad anymore. "I know you're right… just be careful okay? Both of you."

We both nodded and Raphael kissed him before going back to the suitcase and pulling out some bullets.

"We should get this done and over with. If we take too long, Magnus will start asking questions." I frowned, thinking about that. "Magnus is already second guessing me. The moment he saw Simon in our kitchen he started feeling suspicious."

"Did you convince him that it was just a normal dinner," He asked, handing me one of the guns. "I did but he seems skeptical," I said taking the gun, looking it over in my hand. It felt so strange yet so familiar. Holding a gun shouldn't feel so natural to me but when you spend a whole year shooting one off, it just happens.

"Let's head out," Raphael said walking passed me and out the door. I put the gun in my back pocket before following him. "You don't have to come with me. I just wanted help through resources. There's no reason for you to possibly get your hands dirty."

"You're a member of my family even if you aren't part of my mob anymore. I'm not going to just sit back and watch this guy take more then he already has. He's trying to keep your son from you. By the end of tonight, either he's going to give you what you want, or he will be in the ground. If he ends up dead, I will make sure one of my people will be his replacement and you will defiantly have your son."

I smiled at him not able to help it. "I hope it doesn't come to bloodshed but it makes me feel good knowing you have my back." He glanced over at me as we walked out of the building and got into the back of one of his cars. His driver took us back uptown, where our plan would be put into motion.

"I'm honored you came to me but I can't help but wonder why you haven't told Magnus about what Sebastian did to you or about what he's still doing to you. I'm sure he would understand." I frowned, laying my head on the car window.

"Magnus is very trusting… too trusting. He puts his faith in people and I don't want to see that be crushed. It's not just Sebastian who's tricking him. One of his investors used to be one of my customers. I haven't told Magnus because I don't want anything to affect his fashion career."

Raphael sighed, shaking his head. "Alec, you can't keep Magnus sheltered from the creeps of the world. Being a couple means you must face things like this together. You tiptoeing around him is going to come back at bite you."

He glanced over at me, "speaking of biting you, how has the withdraw been going?" "I'm getting them under control. I wish I could say I think they're going away for good but I know they're not. They have been getting worse in the last few weeks. I have Magnus this time though, so they aren't as unbearable as before."

The day Magnus found me withdrawing in the shower was horrible, yet special. That day I learned that Magnus can handle my baggage and really does want me to feel safe with him. If I was ever doubting that before, I didn't now.

Even so, I couldn't let him know what's about to go down with Sebastian. He will try to talk me out of it and handle it the legal way. This goes into Magnus being too trusting. He trusts the law to care about what happened to me and what's going on with our adoption.

If we try to take Sebastian to court, he will just make it look like we were making him lose his job so we can have Max. Not only that, the police will start an investigation and will find out about my history with the mob. We will lose Max for sure if that was to happen.

"It's about time to get this mission on its way. Call him and have him meet up with you at this restaurant," Raphael said, holding a card with the name of the place on it. I took it, looking it over before pulling out my cell phone and looking up the number.

"Aren't we worried about too many people being around to see us?" Raphael shook his head no. "I got you a reservation at a table toward the back door. Talk to him about Max and convince him to give him to you. If that doesn't work out, slip this drug into his drink and we'll start the second plan."

I took the drug from him, looking it over before looking back at Raphael. "We're just going to question him and force him to change his mind. We will not be killing him." The last thing I need is to have a secret as big as murder hanging above Magnus and me.

"You can say that all you want Alec but I know you. You will do anything necessary to make your family safe. Your family is Magnus and Max so if it comes to killing Sebastian, I know you won't even bat an eye."

I looked down at the drug for a moment, frowning before nodding and calling Sebastian. A part of me was afraid that he wouldn't accept my invitation. Knowing him, he will think I'm calling him for a late night booty call or something.

The few seconds the phone rang were the longest of my life. I held my breath until finally Sebastian's voice appeared on the other line. "Alec, I'm surprised you're calling me, especially at such a late hour."

I bit my lip thinking of an excuse before saying, "Magnus is at work so this is my only chance to talk to you about what happened the other day." "What's there to talk about? I assumed we were putting it all behind us."

Rage was swelling up inside me, making me want to scream, 'put it behind us? You fucking raped me you inconsiderate bastard!' I didn't say anything about that though. Instead, I calmly said, " I want to talk to you about Max. This is a talk we can't have in front of Magnus."

There was a long moment of silence before he asked, "are you going to try to sleep with me in order to get the boy? Normally that would be considered a bribe but I wouldn't mind accepting it."

It pains me that I considered his offer for a moment. I quickly knocked the thought out of my mind though. Sure, sleeping with Sebastian could possibly get me Max but there's no guarantee. Even if there was, I would be cheating on Magnus, betraying him and his trust. I never want to hurt Magnus so the offer isn't even an option.

"That's not what's going to be happening. I just want to talk with you over dinner." There was a long pause before he sighed, irritably. "I don't see what good it will do for you but sure, why not? Where do you want to meet up?"

I told him the place and time before hanging up the phone, rubbing the rim of my nose tiredly. "I only talked to him through the phone and I'm already exhausted." Raphael put his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it tight. "Don't worry too much about it. He will be out of your life soon enough."

I nodded, leaning back in the seat and looking up at the car ceiling. The rest of the drive there was a silent one and once we finally got there, I walked out of the car, going inside. It was the same restaurant I went to two years ago with Magnus, my friends, and my siblings. We ate here before going to the party where I found out about Max's death.

"Don't start thinking about that," I said shaking my head. "I have enough going on without adding thoughts of my dead baby brother into the mix." Taking a deep breath, I patted my coat pocket making sure my gun was in place, as well as the emergency drug.

I'm glad that it wasn't the kind of drug I was addicted to. My nerves are so on edge tonight, I feel like if I had coke around me, I would snort it in an instant. Once again, I shook my head of negative thoughts and made my way into the restaurant.

It wasn't surprising that when I walked in, the owner gave me a strange look. He has known me all my life since I've been coming here with my parents for as long as I can remember. My eighteenth birthday was the last time I was here with my family and once I came again, I was among people who were obviously from Downtown.

"Alexander, long time no see. Are you eating alone," he asked, smiling awkwardly. I returned his awkward smile with one of my own, feeling grateful that he wasn't asking me any questions about my family. Most people wouldn't hesitate to snoop into Lightwood drama.

"I actually have a reservation with a business associate." He looked at his list and smiled, "ah there you are. Please follow me." He grabbed a couple menus and led me to a table toward the back of the restaurant. I followed him glancing around at the judgmental stares that followed me as I walked passed.

You would think that after being back Uptown for almost a year they would stop watching me like their expecting something to happen. Sometimes I wished some drama bigger than all my crap would come along so people can finally move on from me and focus on someone else. Of course, it's not right to put that onto someone else, but hell if I didn't wish it was no longer on myself.

We stopped at a round table covered in a dark red cloth and a candle stick with three arms sitting on it. I sat down smiling at him in thanks before looking down at the plate in front of me thinking. It still shocks me sometimes how different Downtown and Uptown really are. This plate is made of pure silver, and I could see my reflection in it. Most plates Downtown were filthy and you were lucky to not get sick after using them.

Some places didn't even have plates, they would put your food on napkins and serve it to you that way. If you got something greasy, it would sink through the napkin and fall on the floor before it even got to you. If you were desperate and hungry enough, you would eat the food off the floor. Sadly, a lot of people were desperate enough to do it, even myself once. Though I was high as a kite at the time so I totally blame the drug. I don't think I would willingly eat off the floor.

"Who do you think he's meeting," a whispering voice asked close by. I glanced to my right, seeing a group of four looking at me. They were Two girls, one blonde and the other a ginger, and two guys, one with dark black hair and the other with dirty blonde hair. They were holding their hands over their mouths to block their voices from me but it obviously wasn't working because I could still hear them clearly.

"I bet he's meeting one of his old customers. Maybe getting tired of being fucked by Magnus Bane and using all his money. Guess he needs a new pimp to entertain him," the dirty blonde guy whispered, chuckling. The dark haired guy laughed, "hey I'll take a go at him. Two dollars should be enough payment, right? It's not like he's worth much."

The guys laughed high-fiving each other. One of the girls elbowed him but they were chuckling along. "You can do better than Alexander Lightwood. The only one crazy enough to touch him is Magnus Bane." The guy who offered to sleep with me scrunched up his nose in distaste. "it's for the best. I don't want to catch aids. With all the people, he's been with, you can't tell me he doesn't have aids."

"Gross" both girls whined, sticking out their tongues. I glared at them all before looking back at the table, clenching my fists under it. What gives them the right to say things like that? They don't know anything about me. All they know is the stuff that was written in that article and some of it wasn't even true. If they took the time to get to know me, maybe they would like me.

I inwardly sighed at that thought. Even before I went Downtown, not a lot of people my age liked me. They all just saw me as a clone of my father and he's not the most liked person in New York. No matter what I do, I guess I'm not meant to be liked.

"What's going on in that head of yours Alec," Sebastian's voice came from above me making me look up. He was standing in front of the table wearing a nice black business suit with a white dress shirt underneath. His black hair was slicked back with hair gel, making his dark eyes look even darker.

"Look at that," the blonde girl whispered, looking over at us. "Sebastian Valeric is meeting with him. I guess it must be a normal business dinner after all." "Sebastian would never sleep around with prostitutes. He's too good for that," said the ginger girl.

I frowned at that and looked back up at Sebastian, seeing him smirk wickedly as he sat down with his back to the other people. He obviously heard what they said and was basking in it. "You have New York wrapped around your finger don't you." I asked frowning.

"You're starting to get it Alec. That's why you shouldn't bother trying to retaliate against me. Everyone in New York loves me. Even the police." In other words, the police will believe him over me.

"We're here to talk about Max and that's all. I want you to reconsider your threat on keeping Max away from Magnus and I." "What's in it for me if I did that? I must think of what's the best for the child. Maybe I just don't think Max will be safe in your house."

"You've taken enough from me Sebastian, please don't take my son from me as well. I'm just trying to live my life the best I can. Max is part of that plan and I don't want to lose him. Please, find some compassion and let Magnus and I be Max's parents."

He stroked his chin thinking it over for a moment before glancing at me. "I will consider it on one condition." It took everything I had not to roll my eyes and groan. I can only imagine what kind of favor someone like Sebastian would want. Even so, I was desperate to have Max in my arms and never have him taken from me again.

"I'll do anything," I said honestly. I meant it too. Even though I have this plan with Raphael, if there was a way to work all this out with Sebastian without having to use violence, I would take it. I quickly regretted the word 'anything' as he placed his hand on my leg and slid it to my inner thigh. First George and now him? Can't people keep their hands to themselves!?

He leaned over to whisper in my ear yet not look suspicious to the people 'secretly' watching us. "Anything huh? We'll if you're really that desperate then you won't mind opening your legs for me again. Of course, it will be willingly this time."

I glared at him, "why would you want that? You already took my virginity. What reason could you possibly have to want to sleep with me again?" He rolled his eyes as if I was missing the obvious. "It's like you said, I took your virginity. You were drugged and barely able to function at the time, which is boring. You're more experienced now and have learned a thing or two. I want to be able to see how much better your body got with the proper training."

I wanted to scoff in disgust. How dare he even suggest that I willingly sleep with him. Who does he think is responsible for all the 'training' I have received? If it wasn't for the words he uttered in my ear that night, I wouldn't have even tried to become a prostitute.

A huge part of me wanted to grab the pitcher of water sitting on the table and throw it in his face. The very thought of sleeping with this guy made my stomach crawl. Still, I couldn't do something that would ruin my chances to get Max.

Obviously, talking things out with Sebastian wasn't going to work. Even if I did sleep with him, there's no guarantee that he will give me Max. Not to mention, being with another man will be betraying Magnus, and I never want to do something like that. Still… maybe this could help me get plan B into motion.

I smiled at him, trying to use my blue eyes in a seductive way. There was a time when trying to be seductive just made me and everyone around me feel awkward. That time has long passed though. I was a master of seduction now, though I'm a year and a half out of practice.

"I wasn't just trained in sex Sebastian, I was also bred to be the perfect date. Would you like the full package or just the main course?" He seemed surprised by my sudden attitude change but ignored it, smiling slyly at me. "I think the full package would be nice. I want to know everything Downtown taught you."

"Well, I was taught to serve my customers like royalty. Would you like some water," I asked; grabbing the pitcher of water and pouring them into some glasses. He watched me for a second before looking toward the front of the restaurant. "Did you order any food yet? I get the feeling the waiters didn't care for you when you walked in. I'm sure once they see I'm here they will come running to serve me."

I rolled my eyes, pulling the drug out of my pocket and slipping it into Sebastian's glass. I waited for it to dissolve before pushing it over to him. "You know the longer we're here the less time we have to be together. I told Magnus I would be home by ten and it's already eight."

Sebastian shrugged, grabbing his drink and sipping at it. "If we get to my place at nine that gives us an hour to do stuff." I bit my lip thinking before reaching under the table, putting my hand on his leg, very close to his crotch. I hated it but desperate times call for desperate measures. I glanced around making sure no one was paying attention to us before I leaned into him whispering, "you wanted to know everything I learned Downtown, right?"

He glanced down at my hand on his leg before looking back at me. "That's right." I smirked, once again trying to be seductive. "well, if you want to see everything, an hour definitely won't be long enough time."

I felt a shiver go down his spine and I knew I had him. "Guess we should be going then," he said standing up. I frowned looking down at his glass of water. There's no way only a couple sips will be enough to knock him out. Thinking on my feet, I grabbed the cup of water, putting it in his hand.

"You may want to finish this water," I whispered in his ear. "I plan on giving you the best night of your life. You may lose your voice if you don't stay hydrated. A cracked voice during sex is such a turn off."

God, I felt so dirty, and not the good kind. 'the moment I get home, I'm going to take a seven-hour shower to wash away this horrible feeling' I thought to myself. Sebastian chugged down the glass of water before putting it back on the table. "let's go," he said, grabbing my arm and starting to pull me to the entrance. I quickly pulled my arm away, worried about people seeing us leave together. It's bad enough people know that we met up for dinner. If they see us leaving together, they will get the wrong idea and it could get back to Magnus.

Sebastian looked back at me irritably, "what? You're the one who wanted to leave now." I nodded, "I do, but it would look strange if we left at the same time. I'll go on ahead and meet you outside." I went to leave but he grabbed my arm, "and what if you change your mind and leave me hanging?"

"Believe me Sebastian, if adopting Max is on the table, I won't be going anywhere." He watched me suspiciously before nodding. "Then go, I'll meet you out there." I turned away and made my way outside, ignoring the restaurant owner who looked confused on my leaving without eating anything.

Once I was outside I looked around for Raphael's car, spotting it waiting across the street. I looked behind me to make sure Sebastian wasn't coming yet, before I made my way across the street to talk to him. Raphael put his window down slightly so only his eyes were peeking out.

"How did it go?" I looked toward the door before looking back at him. "I convinced him that we were leaving to have sex. He drank the drug but I don't know what to do now." "We continue with the plan. It will take ten minutes for the drug to take effect. Convince Sebastian to drive in your car and once he's in here we'll head to the woods."

"Okay… and you promise we won't kill him?" I won't be able to face Magnus with Sebastian's blood on my hands. It's bad enough that I was here behind his back. If I murdered him, I don't know how Magnus would react to that. Maybe he would realize I wasn't worth the trouble and leave me for good.

I shook that thought out of my head and made my way back to the restaurant entrance just in time for Sebastian to appear. "I came here in a taxi so we should hurry up and catch one." 'Well at least he didn't drive here' I thought to myself before pointing to the car across the street. "Actually, I came here in one of Magnus's cars."

"P-perfect," he stuttered, moving across the street with me. The fact that he was starting to stutter must mean the drug was slowly doing its job. I led him to the car and opened the back down. "After you," I said, gesturing for him to go in.

He got in and I didn't wait another second before getting in the car and shutting the door. The moment the door shut, I heard the locks being used. Raphael had a button that controlled all the locks, so there was no way Sebastian could get out of the car.

Sebastian frowned at the sound of the lock before turning to his right, freezing when he saw Raphael sitting there, leaning against the window. "Hello Sebastian, it's great to finally meet you," he said smirking.

Sebastian stared at him wide eyed before turning to me, glaring. "Y-you bastard! You s-set me up you little s-shit!" I stayed calm, trying not to show any emotions on my face. "You didn't really give me a choice Sebastian. I tried to be civil with you but you wouldn't listen to reason. Now we're going to do this my way."

He opened his mouth to yell but suddenly his eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he fell forward, his head landing in my lap. I frowned down at him and Raphael leaned forward, knocking on the little window that separated us from his driver. "Let's get going," he said before leaning back and folding his hands into his lap.

I pushed Sebastian off my lap, making him fall onto the floor with a thud. "That's one strong drug," I mumbled, looking out the window.

After an hour drive, we made it to a large wooded area outside of New York City. "All we're doing is scaring him, right? Is it really necessary to be so far away from the city," I asked; getting out of the car and looking at the tall trees. The driver parked on the road just outside of the woods.

Raphael got out of the car, looking around before coming over to my side of the car. "We don't know how this is going to end. If we have to kill him then it would be best to hide his body in the woods." This caused me to frown. "I keep telling you that we aren't going to be killing him."

Raphael looked at me for a silent moment before holding a gun out to me. "You're in charge here Alec so we'll do whatever you want. Just know that things like this don't always go the way we plan. I'm on your side no matter what you choose to do."

"Just grab one of his legs," I sighed, opening the door and pulling Sebastian out of the car by his arms. Raphael rolled his eyes before grabbing his legs and lifting them up. We carried him deep into the woods and wandered around for about ten minutes before feeling like we were far enough from the road.

We dropped him on the ground and Raphael pushed on his lower back, feeling pain from carrying someone heavier and bigger than him. "What do you want to do now? It's your call." I glanced at him thinking before looking back down at Sebastian. "I want some time alone with him to try to convince him to see reason. If I need your help I'll fire a bullet into the air."

He nodded "if that's what you want. I won't be too far if you need me." With that, he turned around going back the way we came. I watched him thinking before moving over to a tree, sitting by it and waiting for Sebastian to wake up.

I sat there like that for a couple hours before Sebastian finally started to stir. Biting my lip, I looked down at the gun in my hand before standing up and sticking it in my back pocket. Sebastian sat up slowly, rubbing his head and looking around obviously confused.

His eyes landed on my shoes and slowly trailed up my body until they met my eyes staring down at him. "Alec… what the hell happened? Where are we?" I just stared down at him with a blank expression. "Did you really think I would willingly sleep with the likes of you? You must be really messed up in the head if you think I would belittle myself like that."

He glared up at me before standing up on shaky legs. "what? You decided to drug me and bring me out to the woods? What do you plan to do to me out here huh?"

"You're going to pay for everything you've ever done to me. You're going to make it up to me by going to work and declaring Magnus and I Max's parents. If you don't, you will face the consequences."

Sebastian stared at me in silence for a moment before bursting out laughing. He wrapped his arms around his stomach from how hard he was laughing at me. "Do I look like I'm trying to be funny," I asked, glaring at him. He was getting on my last nerve.

He shook his head still laughing before looking at me, meeting my eyes once again. "You really are insane, aren't you? What person would give someone who takes them out to the woods and threatens them a child? I know now more than ever that, that kid would be anything but safe with you."

I clenched my fists tight, "you're wrong. I would be the best dad Max could ever have. He needs to be raised by parents who will love him completely. Magnus and I are those parents."

Sebastian crossed his arms over his chest, "I bet Magnus doesn't even know that you're here. Going behind his back and threating your child services worker. What do you think he will think when he finds out about this?"

"He's not going to find out," I said simply, trying not to let him see how his words were getting to me. The more he spoke, the more on edge I felt. He was right about Magnus being mad but if he doesn't find out about it, then he won't have a reason to be mad.

"Do you plan on killing me Alec? You think that just because I'm gone, you will get Max just like that?" He laughed again and the sound of it was starting to dig at me. "You really are a fool. No wonder it was so easy to get you drugged and in bed."

"You don't know anything about me Sebastian so don't pretend that you do. I'm smarter than you make me out to be. You know as well as I do that I would make a great dad for Max. The only reason you won't give him to me is because you live to make my life a living hell."

"Sure, it's fun to mess up your life but it's more than that Alec. You seriously think you would make a great dad? You can't even handle being someone's boyfriend let alone father. I know people like you, I have watched the trash of Downtown all my life. You think you can be better, you think that you can be worth more than that whore who opened his legs to everyone who paid, but you can't. You will never be able to be anything but that worthless Downtown rat!"

I shook my head, trying to stop my hands from shaking. His words were cracking my calm wall and by the smirk on his face, he could tell I was breaking. "You thought you could bring me out here and scare me? Nothing you can do will ever change the fact that you aren't worthy of a child. You aren't worthy of any happiness! You are a worthless whore and nothing more!"

I clenched my teeth, my entire body shaking before I reached behind me, grabbing my gun. I set it before pointing it in his direction, my hands still shaking. A whole year of killing people without batting an eye yet holding a gun to the man who raped me made me tremble.

Sebastian seemed surprised by the gun, but once he saw my hands shaking he smirked again. "Do you plan on shooting me Alexander? Going to kill me to get what you want? What would Magnus say if he knew about this?"

"Stop asking me about Magnus! I'm giving you one more chance to correct the wrongs you have done to me Sebastian! Just appoint custody of Max to Magnus and I and you won't get hurt! I have killed many people and I never miss my target!"

"I have a hard time believing that with how shaky your hands are. I heard that you were a hitman for Raphael but it seems you weren't very good at it. It's like I told you before Alec. Sleeping around and letting people take advantage of you is all you'll ever be good for."

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" I screamed before pulling the trigger three times. Three bullets flew out of the gun, right into Sebastian's chest. He gasped, putting his hand over his chest and when he pulled his hand away, blood was smeared all over it.

I breathed heavily, watching him as he looked up at me with pained eyes. "Y-you stupid whore…" I gritted my teeth and pulled the trigger again making another bullet fly and hit him in the knee. He screamed out in pain, falling to the ground and crying in agony.

I walked over to him looking down at him as he pressed his hands to his chest, trying to put pressure on his wounds to stop the bleeding. "You have some nerve telling me that I'm worthless. Who are you? What right do you have telling me my worth? You're nothing but a rapist who preys on the weak and takes advantage of them. Well you're never going to take advantage of me again! My life is no longer in your hands! Now your life is in my hands and I'm about to end it!"

With that I pointing the gun at him again and pulled the trigger repeatedly. The sounds of bullets rang in my ears and even when the noise stopped I still pulled the trigger. I wanted Sebastian dead! I wanted to watch him rive in pain and bleed out until he was nothing but a dead corpse at my feet! He thinks I'm worthless?! He thinks I'm trash?! He's all those things and more and he deserves every bullet!

A hand grabbed at my shoulder and I quickly brushed it off, turning around and pointing the gun at whoever would dare to touch me. Raphael stood there, holding his hands up in surrender. "Alec stop. You're out of bullets and he's already dead."

I frowned not processing the words that were coming out of his mouth. Bullets? Dead? What was he talking about? I lowered the gun to my side and turned around, looking down at the ground. Sebastian's dead body was lying there, holes all over him and blood oozing out of them.

I screamed dropping the gun and backing away from his body. I killed him! I fucking killed him!

"No… no he wasn't supposed to die. He was supposed to see reason and give Max to me! He was never supposed to die!" I screamed looking back at Raphael. It wasn't my intention to kill Sebastian out here. He just kept saying things that got under my skin and I lost it. I don't even have any memory of shooting him. All I could see was red and everything went blank.

"This is a good thing Alec. Now I can put one of my men in his place and you will defiantly get Max. Nothing is in your way now," Raphael said, putting his hand on my shoulder. I shook my head, moving out of his grip. "I killed Sebastian, Raphael. How am I supposed to face Magnus now? What will he say when Sebastian is suddenly missing?"

"He thinks you were having dinner with Simon. This won't come back to you Alec I swear." He grabbed the gun I dropped, with a gloved hand before putting it in a bag. "I had a feeling this would happen so I was working while you were waiting for Sebastian to wake up. I dug a hole a mile away from here. We just need to carry his body there and burry him."

I leaned against a tree hugging myself, looking down at the ground. "This is crazy Raphael. All of this went too far." "Alec, you have taken many lives. This is nothing different so don't think too much about it. Magnus won't find out about it okay?"

He tried to convince me but I wasn't believing a word of it. Secrets and lies always have a way of coming out. Somehow this will come back to bite me and it will ruin everything I've worked so hard for.

"He was a horrible person Alec. Do you really think you're the only one he's tortured? You killed him and that means he can't hurt anyone else ever again. You stopped him Alec and that's far from evil."

I looked up at him silently before glancing over at Sebastian's lifeless body frowning. "Let's get this over with… I want to go home." Raphael nodded, walking over to Sebastian and grabbing his legs like before. I took a deep breath before walking over to them, grabbing Sebastian around the chest and holding him up hire so his blood wouldn't trail onto the ground.

We carried him a mile until we got to a big hole already dug up and ready for us. I dropped Sebastian inside, taking a moment to watch him as he lied in the wet dirt lifeless. "Here take one," Raphael sighed handing me a shovel. I looked over the shovel frowning before digging the front of it into the dirt and starting to pour it over Sebastian's body.

It took an hour to fill up the hole and once we were done I stared up at the sky in a blank daze. "This took longer than I hoped," Raphael growled looking at his phone. "It's already midnight." "Magnus must be worried sick about me," I whispered softly, not able to talk any louder. I felt cold and numb all over. Killing someone has never made me feel so bad inside.

Holding up my shaky hands, I looked over the blood caked on them frowning before looking down at my blood-stained clothes. "Looks like you're going to have to change first before you go home," Raphael said looking me over as well. "Let's head back to the hide out."

I nodded moving forward to follow him but the moment I stepped forward, my stomach churned and I fell to my knees, throwing up repeatedly. After spewing my guts for a fifth time, I wrapped my arm over my stomach, trying to ignore the clenched muscles inside.

"Do you think you're done," Raphael asked softly, sitting next to me and rubbing my back. I closed my eyes taking a couple deep breaths before nodding. "I'm okay." He waited to make sure I meant it before helping me onto my feet. I leaned on him closing my eyes and he assisted me to the car.

The moment we got to the hide out Simon was all over me panicking from all the blood. Once I assured him it wasn't mine he forced me to change into some of his clothes and took mine to burn. I watched him leave with my clothes before laying down on his bed, taking a moment to think about everything that happened.

Sebastian was dead. He deserved to be dead but that doesn't mean I was the one who should have killed him. How am I going to face Magnus now that I've done such a thing? He must know that I'm doing more than just having dinner with Simon. No dinner lasts for seven hours. It was already one AM, I should really be getting home.

Even as I was thinking that, exhaustion took over and my heavy eyes closed and I fell asleep. I awoke to Simon shaking me. "Alec… Alec wake up. It's almost three in the morning. Magnus has been texting and calling your phone non-stop. He's really worried about you so you should try to head home."

I nodded rubbing my eyes before getting out of the bed. "Can you get one of the cars to take me? I don't think I can manage walking home right now." "Raphael already has a car waiting outside for you. He said he will call you tomorrow to talk to you about what we will be doing going forward."

I nodded, giving him a one-armed hug before walking out of the room, making my way outside. Once I was in the car I laid my head on the cold window, closing my eyes and letting it freeze my brain. So much happened tonight and what makes me feel worse is I must once again lie to Magnus. I really hate lying to him.

After a fifteen-minute ride, the car stopped in front of my apartment and I thanked the driver before getting out. Once he drove away I took a moment to look up at the building frowning. My wonderful boyfriend was in there waiting for his murdering boyfriend to come home to him. If I didn't feel worthy of Magnus before, I know for sure I'm not worthy of him now.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath before making my way into the building and up the stairs, using my house key to get into my complex. Magnus sat up on the couch when I entered and a million emotions appeared on his face all at once. Worry, relief, tiredness, anger. He seemed to settle on anger though as he stood up, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Where have you been Alexander? What dinner takes till three AM? What else were you doing, and don't lie to me."

All I could do was stare at him. What could I say? 'Hey baby, sorry for being so late. I was trying to scare Sebastian into giving up Max but instead ended up killing him in cold blood.' There was no way I could say that to him. He would leave me forever.

Instead of saying anything, I just walked up to him in silence, wrapping my arms around his waist and hiding my face in his neck. His sandalwood scent filled my nose making me feel safe and at home. It took everything I had not to start crying like a baby.

He wrapped his arms around me frowning. "What's going on Alexander?" "I'm sorry Magnus, we were having dinner downtown and I guess being there overwhelmed me. I passed out at the diner and Simon took me to Raphael's to rest. I just woke up an hour ago," I said softly, hating the way the lie tasted on my tongue. Lying to Magnus was becoming so easy and I hated it.

He frowned looking down at me, "why didn't he bring you here? I would have taken care of you." "Raphael's was closer." I said before pulling away from him and grabbing his hand. All I wanted was to get in bed and cuddle with him, feeling warm and safe in his arms.

"I'm still a little tired. Let's just go to bed and talk about this all tomorrow." He nodded going with me to our room, squeezing my hand. I laid my head on his shoulder as we went and once we got there, he sat in bed while I changed into some sweatpants. He watched me change and I could tell that he wanted to ask me more questions but he stayed silent.

Once he was dressed I got in bed, cuddling as close as possible to him. He seemed surprised and I didn't blame him. I rarely let Magnus hold me while I slept. With my nightmares, being touched makes me feel on edge. I feel on edge though without Magnus's touch so I need to be in his arms more than ever tonight.

"I love you Magnus, I have a good feeling about how things are going to turn out for us," I whispered softly. I meant it too. Raphael will put one of his men in the adoption agency and he will make sure Magnus and I get Max. Once that happens, our happy life together can finally begin.

I fell asleep instantly for the first time in forever. Usually the fear of having a nightmare kept me up for hours but I was so physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. I couldn't help but fall asleep. So, I did. I closed my eyes and drifted off to dreamland, feeling Magnus's fingers as they ran through my hair.


	11. The Complicated Day After

**Sorry this took so long. Malec week took forever and then I had to leave for a weekend so it cut into my writing time. Should be updating faster now.**

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It's Still Complicated Chapter Eleven: The Complicated Day After.

Magnus Pov- I stood in the doorway of our bedroom holding a cup of coffee, watching Alec as he slept soundly in our bed. I don't really know what to make of what happened last night. Alec got home so late and he claims that he got overwhelmed by being Downtown again and passed out at the diner he and Simon were eating at.

That sounds reasonable but for some reason, I just can't swallow it. The look in Alec's eyes when he came home last night. They were a dull blue and he looked like he'd been through hell. Can all of that really come from stress from being Downtown?

Alec's eyes slowly opened and he looked around the room tiredly before looking at me. I smiled slightly at him, trying not to show my concern on my face. "Good morning sleepy head, or should I say good afternoon? It's been a long time since you've slept in this much."

"It's been a long time since I've slept at all," Alec countered, yawning cutely. I smiled not able to help it. "Well there is a fresh pot of coffee brewing for you out in the kitchen. Get dressed and meet me out there."

With that, I walked out of the doorway and went to the kitchen, pouring Alec a cup of coffee once the pot was done. A few minutes later, Alec walked in the kitchen, rubbing tiredly at his eyes.

"Are you hungry darling? I can make you a late breakfast or some lunch," I offered watching him sit at the dining table. I set his coffee down next to him before kissing his cheek making him chuckle. "No thank you Magnus. I'm not very hungry."

I shrugged going back to the kitchen to make myself some lunch to take with me to work. "Did you have a big dinner? What did you eat at the diner?"

Alec blinked, looking confused before facing me. "What diner?"

I raised an eyebrow at that. "The diner Downtown that you went to with Simon last night?"

"Oh yeah, that. Sorry I'm still half asleep," he laughed before going back to sipping his coffee. "I had burgers of course. You can't go there and not get a burger. They are the best in New York."

"That's true," I mumbled, thinking his reaction was a little weird. Shrugging it off, I finished making my lunch and put it in a bag. Alec got up with his coffee, walking up to me. "Do you have work today?"

I nodded putting the bag over my shoulder. "I'm meeting all my investors to talk about the future of my shops. They're all very pleased with the profit my stores have been bringing them. There's talk of putting my stores in other countries."

"Already? Your first store opened only a few months ago. I'm surprised they're willing to take such risks so early on," Alec said shocked. I nodded in agreement. "So am I but I guess it just shows how much they believe in me."

Alec smiled caressing my cheek. "Well I am proud of how far you've come. I have a good feeling about the way our lives are going to turn out."

"You said the same thing last night before you fell asleep. Is there something you know that I don't," I asked; raising an eyebrow at him once again. He rolled his eyes at me. "Can't I just have a positive outlook on things?"

I shook my head no. "No, not you. You always seem to find something that will go wrong in any situation. Seeing you this positive is a little scary. Are you sure you're feeling alright?"

"Believe me Magnus, I feel just fine. I'm just starting to try looking at life more positively." He finished his coffee and put it in the sink, starting to wash the dish and I watched him thinking. "What do you plan on doing today? Who do you want to come over to spend time with you?"

I wish I could say I'm at the point where I trust Alec to stay home alone but sadly that isn't the case. With all the withdraws and him passing out last night; I'm worried he will relapse if I leave him alone for too long.

"You don't have to call anyone Magnus. I already made plans with Jace and Isabelle today. They're going to take me to my little brothers grave to visit him. Can you believe I've been uptown all this time and still haven't visited Max's grave? I really am an awful brother," Alec sighed softly, making me shake my head no.

"You've had a lot going on. Besides, you told me you didn't want to face your brother until you had your life and yourself put together. Does this mean that you finally feel like you're at a good point in your life?"

He nodded smiling sadly. "I still don't have a job and a part of me thinks I never will. Not as long as we stay in New York. Even so, I refuse to run away. This place is our home and we belong here just as much as anyone else. Besides that, I have you and we're going to have Max soon. I'm sure my life isn't going to get any better than that."

I smiled slightly at Alec, wrapping my arms around him and holding him close. "I wish I could go to the cemetery with you. If this meeting wasn't so important I would ask them to reschedule it."

"Don't even think about it Magnus. All your investors are coming so that means this is an important meeting. I can handle seeing Max without you and if I have a breakdown, Jace and Isabelle will be there to comfort me."

"It's not that I'm worried about a possible break down. I just wanted to have the chance to meet your brother. From what you told me about him, he was really special."

Alec nodded. "He was very special. If I handle this visit well, then I'll take you to meet him soon alright? I want you to be able to meet each other too. He would have liked you Magnus."

"I know I would have liked him," I agreed before giving him a tender kiss on his lips. He smiled against my mouth and wrapped his arms around me. "Have a great day at work okay? Bring home the bacon and all that jazz."

I kissed the tip of his nose happily before grabbing all the things I needed for work and headed out the door. A part of me worried about Alec going to Max's grave but I couldn't think too much about it. Alec is an adult and I can't keep him sheltered from everything. Let's just hope it all goes okay.

Alec Pov- I stood at the window, watching Magnus walk down the sidewalk in the direction of work. Did I smile enough? Did I do a good enough job at pretending like I was okay? I slipped up when he asked me about what I ate at the diner. Completely forgot that that's where I said we went to eat.

I moved away from the window, wrapping my arms around myself and sliding down to the floor. With everything that happened last night, I forgot that Jace, Isabelle and I were going to visit Max's grave today. Can I really face my little brother the day after I murdered someone?

It's not like this is the first time I've taken someone's life. Raphael had me kill over a hundred people in that year I worked for him. Still… in a way, this was the first time. This time I killed someone out of spite and anger.

His death makes me feel at peace but for how long? There's only a matter of time before people start noticing he's gone. Some people saw us together last night. Would they point the finger at me when they hear he's gone? Sebastian made it obvious that he's an important man in this city. Someone's bound to notice he's not around.

The buzzer of the door pulled me out of my thoughts. Jace and Isabelle have a key and usually don't push the buzzer, but knowing Jace he lost it.

Shaking my head, I got up and went to the door, not bothering to ask who was here and instead just hit the button to let them in. When I opened the complex door, I was surprised to see that it wasn't Jace or Isabelle climbing the steps. It was Raphael.

"You should use the buzzer to ask who it is. I could have been an axe murder for all you know," he grumbles, walking passed me into the apartment. I quickly close the door, glaring at him. "What are you doing here? If anyone saw you coming in here they will think somethings up."

"I want to talk to you about what happened last night. Don't you remember I told you we will be discussing it tomorrow? It's tomorrow Alec."

"This really isn't a good time Raphael. Jace and Isabelle will be here any minute. We're going to visit my little brothers grave today. I don't want to have to think about this while I'm visiting him for the first time."

"Alec, we need to talk about what happened yesterday," he stressed, sitting at my dining table.

"What's there to discuss? I killed the guy and we buried his body deep in the woods. That's it, it's over and done with and we never have to think about it again."

Raphael shook his head sighing. "Alec be smart about this. We need a plan incase this comes out in the open. That hole we dug was deep yes, but he can still be found. There were a few people that saw you together last night. I know how to keep people quiet if need be but if any fingers get pointed at you, the police won't hesitate to arrest you."

That made me glare. "Why? Because Sebastian is this great guy and I'm just a no-good thug from downtown? Sebastian was a horrible human being and everyone should have known that. I wish he didn't get the satisfaction of dying thinking the world worshiped him."

"The world is unfair Alec. You know that better than anyone. There are tons of people uptown wearing masks and deceiving everyone around them. There's nothing we can do about people like that," he murmured.

"We should be able to do something about it. There are so many amazing people downtown who don't deserve to be there, while the scum of the earth of uptown have easy lives they barely worked for. Helen and Mark are working so hard to keep their siblings uptown. Don't they deserve to come home too?"

When their parents died, Helen moved downtown so she can earn the money to keep her family living good. Her twin brother Mark eventually had to become a prostitute to help her. I hated him at the time for taking all my customers but he needed the money. I can't blame him for accepting work when it came his way.

"Do you keep tabs on everyone who lives downtown," I asked looking at Raphael. He scoffed in response. "Please, I keep tabs on every person in New York. Why? What do you want to know?"

"Well, I want to know how Mark Blackthorn is doing. The last time I saw him was when I was fired from the brothel. I warned him not to get into all the crap I got into. Do you think he took my words to heart?"

Raphael frowned at my question before glancing away from me. "Life has a way of hurting people. Mark and Helen aren't the only blackthorns living Downtown now."

"What do you mean? Are you saying they all had to move downtown? That many kids can't live in that kind of environment! They'll die!"

Raphael shook his head "the young kids are still uptown. They're being taken care of by a young girl named Emma."

I frowned confused. "Emma? I thought Julian was taking care of them."

He shook his head no. "Not anymore. Now Julian is living downtown with Helen and Mark. So far, he's trying to sell his art, but you can guess how useless that is downtown. It's only a matter of time before he gets swallowed up by the place, just like the others. Mark won't let him anywhere near the brothel."

I don't blame him. Helen said that Julian was a very handsome young man. If the boss saw him, she would want to recruit him for sure. I'm sure the last thing Mark would ever want is his little brother to go through what he does.

"I wish there was something I could do for them," I uttered under my breath. Raphael heard me and shook his head no. "You have your own life to be worrying about. Don't waste your energy worrying about other people."

"That's not my strong suit. All I ever do is worry about the people around me," I sighed, running my hands through my hair.

Raphael stood up, putting his hand on my shoulder. "How about this, if I see Julian getting in over his head and start to lean toward bad things, I'll hire him myself. Does that make you feel better?"

"Helen won't like it but yes. That does make me feel a lot better."

Raphael shook his head but there was a playful smirk on his face. "Be thankful for the lengths I go through for you Lightwood."

I smirked back at him, "I thought I was a part of your family Santiago? Doesn't family help family?"

"I helped you bury a body yesterday. That's as helpful as family can get." He joked.

The topic of Sebastian being brought back up made me frown again. "I just want to forget that bastard ever existed."

"That might be hard considering how much of an impact he's had on your life. One of my men have been snuck into the adoption agency and he's just waiting for the call to replace Sebastian in your case. That won't happen until people start noticing him missing."

"I guess it will be noticeable when he doesn't show up for work. Magnus will get suspicious when we suddenly have a new social worker. I'm not looking forward to his accusing questions."

"Just keep a poker face and don't let him know the truth. As long as he doesn't know you killed the guy he won't have anything to get mad about."

"Glad you can see the bright side of this," I sighed shaking my head.

He opened his mouth to retort but stopped when the front door opened. Jace and Isabelle walked in, freezing in place when they saw Raphael sitting in my kitchen. I wish they didn't know who he was, but everyone in New York City knew who Raphael Santiago was.

"Alec! What the hell is the mob king of New York doing in your kitchen," Jace yelled, looking furious. It was a normal reaction to have but It felt a little over the top to me. He's scolding me like I'm the younger brother.

"If you must know, Alec passed out while having dinner with my boyfriend last night. Since I consider myself a friend, I came to make sure he was feeling better today. There's no need to make a big deal out of it Jace Herondale."

Jace frowned at the fact that he knew his name. Raphael knew the name of every person in New York so it wasn't surprising to me.

Isabelle crossed her arms over her chest glaring at Raphael. "Well you seen him and he looks like he's fine. How about you leave now before I call the police?"

"The police aren't necessary Isabelle," I sighed rubbing my temples. Why are my siblings always so intense?

"I was just about to leave actually," he said walking toward the door. I followed him frowning. "Thanks for coming to check on me. Sorry again about my rude siblings."

They both scoffed at that but Raphael just smiled. "It was no problem. Call me if you need anything Alec. See you later."

He walked out and Jace grabbed the door yelling, "you will not be seeing him later," before slamming the door shut.

"That was a little dramatic don't you think?" I asked, shaking my head at him some more.

Isabelle looked over at me no longer looking mad. Now she just looked sad, or maybe disappointed. It was hard to tell with my sister sometimes.

"Alec, you shouldn't be spending time with people like that. If you don't want people to think you're a gangster, then don't hang out with them."

It was my turn to cross my arms over my chest in anger. "Excuse me? Since when were you in charge of telling me who I can and can't be friends with? Raphael and Simon aren't bad people."

Jace shook his head. "You shouldn't associate with those people."

That made me furious. "What do you mean 'those people'? You mean downtowners? They are people just like you, no matter what their jobs may be. How can you judge them like that?"

"Because Raphael Santiago kills people Alec!"

"No Jace! I was the one who killed them remember?!"

Silence spread in the room as we glared at each other and it was broken by Isabelle's sigh. "Alec just think about how it looks when you spend time with people like that. Do you really want Max to be around them? He could get hurt."

The very idea that Raphael or Simon would hurt Max made me want to laugh. Raphael would treat Max like it was his own child. He may be young but Raphael was like a father to everyone around him. You only knew it though when you really get to know him.

"Can we please just drop this and go to our little brother's grave? This day is supposed to be about him, not me," I suggested. Isabelle and Jace looked at each other before both nodding and heading toward the door.

The subway ride to the cemetery was long and silent. It was obvious that my siblings wanted to ask me more questions about my relationship with Raphael, but they wouldn't dare do so in public.

Like always, there were people around us either whispering lies about me or staying silent so they can eavesdrop on any conversation I may have with Jace and Isabelle. When I was younger, I thought, New Yorkers kept to themselves, but ever since coming back from downtown I learned otherwise. They are the nosiest people in the world.

"Did you all bring your gifts for Max," Isabelle asked, pulling Max's favorite toy train out of her purse. The three of us were supposed to either make him something or bring one of his favorite things to put on his grave.

Jace nodded pulling out a little toy soldier out of his pocket. He and Max used to collect them together. "I brought the latest soldier. They're discontinuing the collection so it looks like this is the last one. Max will have ever one now."

Isabelle smiled at that before looking at me. "Did you bring him anything?"

I nodded pulling a book out of my bag. "This is the book Max would have me read for him every night. Even when he learned how to read himself, he would still make me read it to him. When dad found out we always read it together, he threw it out. I found it in the trash when I snuck back home once to try to see you guys."

I ran my fingers over the cover smiling sadly. "This was only the third book. I hear there were two more made. I wonder if Max had the chance to read them?"

Jace shook his head no. "Dad wouldn't let him read them. Besides, Max said he didn't want to read them without you."

I closed my eyes, holding the book close to my chest. "Dad told him that I didn't want to see him. Do you think he believed him? Did Max die thinking I didn't want to see him?"

Isabelle frowned, rubbing my back. "Of course, he didn't believe that. Max knew how much you loved him and wanted to see him. He wanted to see you before taking his last breath. I always regret that we didn't go get you the moment he asked. We figured you already had so much stress in your life. Knowing about Max's condition would make it worse. We're sorry again for that."

I glanced away from them, looking out the subway window. The darkness of the underground tunnel was hopefully hiding my anger. I've been trying to forgive them for keeping his death a secret, but it's just so hard. I could have said goodbye to Max if someone just gave me a chance. I would have run to him if I had to.

The subway stopped at the next station and the three of us got up, getting out and going up the stairs back into the light. The Graveyard was across the street from the station so there wasn't far to go. When we stopped in front of the gates, I had to take a moment to breath.

I was finally going to have the chance to properly say goodbye to my little brother. Of course, this isn't the way I wanted to do it. I wish I could have said goodbye while he was still living. Honestly, I wish I didn't have to say goodbye at all. He should be alive and healthy but life isn't that kind.

"You ready to go in," Jace asked watching me. I nodded, pushing the gate open and going in. They went ahead of me since they knew the way to the stone. Taking calming breaths, I tried to prepare myself for the overwhelming emotions that will take over me. We weren't even at the stone yet and I felt like I was going to throw up.

Jace and Isabelle stopped at a small headstone, frowning down at it before looking over at me. I took another calming breath before walking up to them looking down at the stone. The Lightwood family crest was engraved in it with the name _Maxwell Joseph Lightwood_.

Tears stung at the corners of my eyes as I stared at the name. My little brother was right here in the ground and he's been here for a few years now.

Jace sat in front of the stone smiling slightly. "Hey Max, sorry it's been so long since we last visited. We have a surprise for you though. Alec is with us this time."

He pulled the little soldier out of his pocket again with a little tube of super glue. I watched him as he glued the feet of toy onto the bottom of the stone, along with all the other soldiers Max was collecting. They seemed a little worn, but that's what to expect when toys stay outside all the time, even in the winter.

"This is the last soldier in the series. Looks like you were finally able to collect them all huh," Jace murmured softly, running his hand over the top of the stone. He stared at the stone a moment longer before standing up and moving out of the way.

Isabelle was the next to go. She sat down in front of the grave holding out the toy train. "I was cleaning out the attic the other day and I found your favorite toy train. I know you grew out of it once you started being able to read, but I figured you would still like to have it."

She put the train down before leaning in and gently kissing the top of his stone. "We miss you every day baby brother. There isn't a day that goes by where we don't think about you."

Jace helped her up and she thanked him before they both looked over at me. I swallowed hard, feeling like I wanted to just run away. I couldn't do that though. Max deserves to have a proper goodbye.

"Could I have a moment alone with him," I asked softly, not looking away from the grave. Jace nodded, grabbing Isabelle's hand and walking over to the gate, far away from us. I watched them go before looking back at the grave and sitting in front of it.

"Hey Max, it's been a long time huh? Sorry I haven't come to see you sooner." I glanced away from the stone, not being able to look at him while I talked. "I didn't know you died until it was too late. Dad told you I didn't want to see you but I hope you didn't believe him. You were the one person I wanted to see more than anyone else in the world."

Silence filled the air and I closed my eyes tight, not able to hold back the words crawling out my throat. I just wanted to spill my guts to my baby brother, hoping he would understand why I do the things that I do.

"Since going downtown, all I ever did was make mistakes. I chose to trust a man who drugged me and took advantage of me. I sold myself and did unspeakable things just to be able to live. Every day I would lay in a stranger's bed and wonder what you would say if you knew everything I did. Would you hate me? Would you find me disgusting like our parents did? The only way to keep those thoughts at bay was to do drugs."

"Once when I was high, I remember you coming to me, telling me that it was too late to keep my promise to see you again. I always thought it was a hallucination but lately I've been wondering about it. When you died, did you come and tell me? Were you trying to save me the heartache of your death? I like to believe that you were."

I looked down at the ground, clenching my fists. "I've done so many things wrong Max. I've killed, lied, and cheated. Last night I murdered a man in order to finally be free from my old life. Was that a good enough reason to take someone's life? Do you hate me now?"

"I'm happy now with Magnus. He's a sweet guy and I wish you could have met him. You would have loved him, I'm sure of it. We're trying to adopt a little boy and I want to name him after you. I hope you don't mind that. You're my special little man so I can't think of any other name to give my child. Please look down on him for me and keep him safe."

I grabbed the book out of my bag, looking it over again. "I brought our favorite book. Dad through it away since it's something we used to read together. I'm sure he threw away everything we ever did together huh?"

I put the book on the stone, feeling tears run down my cheeks. "I would have got the rest of the books for you. We could have read then together and even get them all signed by the author. Wouldn't that have been fun? There's so many things I always planned on doing with you but never got the chance."

Leaning forward, I laid my forehead on the stone, closing my eyes tight. "I'm sorry you had to go live with our grandparents because of me. You ended up having to change schools and making new friends. I'm sure that must have been hard for you and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't a good enough big brother for you."

I sat up, wiping the tears away before putting the book down. "I promise to come see you again soon. I'll never stay away the long again. Next time I'll bring Magnus with me. I'll bring Max too when we get him."

Standing up, I looked down at the grave a little longer before turning away and walking back over to Jace and Isabelle. When I got to them Isabelle wrapped her arms around me, laying her head on my chest. I rubbed her head with one hand while wrapping my free arm around her.

"Guess we should head home now," I whisper softly, not able to talk any louder.

Jace shook his head no. "I have one more thing to show you before we go."

I frowned at him confused but he didn't say anything. He just grabbed my wrist and pulled me in another direction, deep in the cemetery. Isabelle stayed at the gate, not following us which just made me even more confused. Who else would be buried here?

Jace stopped in front of a tall tombstone that was almost as tall as us. It reached to the middle of my chest and was made from black marble. "This is a fancy stone," I say softly looking down at the name engraved on it. My eyes widen when I see the name _Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern_.

"This… is this Jonathans' grave," I ask breathlessly.

Jace nodded, putting his hands in his jean pockets and looking at the stone. "Valentine gave him a big funeral in order to keep up appearances. As far as anyone else knows, he died from war. Everyone who knew him thought he went into the army, like Robert said you did."

That made me furious. "He didn't die in war! He died because his father backed him into a corner and he thought the only way out was to kill himself. He swallowed a whole bottle of pain killers and overdosed."

"Valentine would never let people know that. It would make him look bad if his 'perfect son' committed suicide."

I stared down at the stone thinking for a moment, before clenching my fists tight. "You know… I once tried to kill myself too."

Jace looked at me wide eyed, terror plain on his face. "What? When? Was it recently?"

I shook my head no, not looking at him. "It happened when I still lived downtown. I lost my job and I thought there was nothing else left for me. There was no point in fighting and trying to live anymore. I went to the top of the tallest building downtown and I tried to jump. Jonathan was the one who stopped me."

Jace frowned, not saying a word and I was thankful for that. No words really needed to be said about my sorry attempt at taking my own life.

"Jonathan was able to stop me… yet I couldn't stop him. He knew I would try so he sent me away to get him some food. When I came back he was dead. His last words to me were 'I'm sorry'. I should have known something was wrong when he said that to me."

Jace put his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it tight. "There was nothing you could have done. He felt trapped, like there was no way out."

"He died scared and alone. Even if I couldn't talk him out of taking his own life, I wish he would have let me hold him while he died. He deserved to have someone show him love in his final moments."

I looked at his name engraved in the stone, wishing there was a way I could change 'Jonathan' to 'Sebastian'. He hated himself when he was Jonathan. As Sebastian, he was able to be free and fearless. Is he free and fearless now even though he died as Jonathan?

Jace pulled his hand out of his pocket, holding something small out to me. I looked down at it confused and my eyes widened once I recognized what it was.

"Are those… Jonathans contact lens?"

To be Sebastian, Jonathan would wear black eye contacts. Whenever he had them out, he would immediately transform into a completely different person. It was his lifeline and Valentine took them away before sending him to rehab.

"Clary found them in Valentines office. She figured you would want to have them," Jace said softly, watching me sadly. I took them from him, staring at them for a long moment before shaking my head. "I'm not the one who needs these."

Leaning down, I place the contact case on the bottom of the tombstone, feeling like that's where it belongs. Jonathan loved these things and they deserve to be with him. Hopefully they will bring him comfort once again.

Standing up straight, I looked at Jace smiling slightly. "Thank you for bringing me here Jace." He nodded smiling back at me. "He was your best friend after all." I nodded, "yes but so are you. I'm sorry I told you differently."

"That's all water under the bridge now big bro. Come on, I'm starving and Isabelle found a cool diner a few blocks from here."

I nodded following him back to the gate. A big gust of wind blew passed us making me look back at the grave to make sure lens case didn't blow away. What I saw made me stop in place and stare back in shock.

There, standing by the grave was a young man with whitish blonde hair, and white clothes. He smiled gently, leaning down and picking up the case. When he stood up straight, his eye met mine, so green they looked like new leaves on spring trees.

I tried to speak his name but it was caught in my throat. He clenched the lens case in his hand and as he did so, his green eyes faded to black. The sweet smile on his lips changed to a cocky smirk and he winked at me.

I blinked tears out of my eyes and when I did, the man was gone. There was no sign that he was ever there in the first place but I knew he was. He accepted my gift and was finally able to rest. Not as Jonathan, but as Sebastian.

"Alec, what's the matter? Aren't you coming," Isabelle called from the gate. I wiped the ears away before turning around, running to my brother and sister. Jace raised an eyebrow at me. "Why do you suddenly look so pale? You look like you seen a ghost."

I thought that over for a moment before smiling, shaking my head no. "Not a ghost… just an old friend."

They both looked at each other confused before looking back at me. I shook my head smiling before wrapping my arms around them, leaving the cemetery. "It's nothing, don't worry about it. Let's just go eat. I'm starving."


	12. Non-Complicated Fun Night

**I'm writing this chapter on my phone so sorry if a lot of words are miss spelled or look strange.**

 **On another note, to thank you all for your patience with updates, I decided to give you some Malec Sexyness as a treat.**

 **Time to see why Alec Lightwood was the best prostitute Downtown ;) Enjoy!**

It's complicated Chapter 12- Non-Complicated Fun Night.

Magnus Pov- "I'm sorry, i guess i'm just having trouble understanding what you're telling me. Why do we suddenly have a new case worker?"

I was at work sewing the seams of a dress, when the adoption agency suddenly called me. That was weird on it's own since Sebastian usually called us to make play dates or meetings.

I figured it would just be an important call if Sebastian wasn't the one calling. What I didn't expect was to hear that we were being assigned a new social worker.

"Your new agent is named Vincent Grason. He's new to the agency but he's the best out of all our new workers. I'm confident that he will show great results."

I shook my head, still beyond confused. "Why the sudden change? Does Sebastian no longer want to take on our case?" Maybe he had too many clients and had to give up a few?

There was silence on the other side of the phone, making me start to feel uneasy. "what is it," I asked frowning.

"Mr. Bane, Sebastian has gone missing."

Those words made me drop everything I was doing, now paying full attention to the call. "what do you mean he's gone missing?"

"He stopped showing up to work about a week ago. That's not like him so I sent one of his friends to go to his house to see what was wrong. He told me that it doesn't look like Sebastian's been home for awhile."

"When was the last time someone has seen him," I asked, getting a bad feeling about this.

"The last time I saw him was last Friday when he showed up for work. He said he was going home but I don't think he did."

"Last Friday was the last time you saw him?" I asked, thinking Alec went out with Simon last Friday night.

No, I can't even think such a thing. There's no way Alec would make Sebastian dissappear. He would have no reason to. Sure, he said he didn't trust Sebastian, but that wouldn't make him get rid of him.

"So anyway, you will be meeting your new agent this Monday at four. Is that a good time for you?"

"Yes, of course. Thank you for taking time out of your day to call me."

"Don't even mention it. Have a nice day Mr. Bane," he said before hanging up.

I put my business phone back down on the receiver before running my hands over my face. It didn't sound like getting a new adoption agent would set us back at all. Still, the fact that Alec went out the night Sebastian went missing is a little fishy.

He was out so late and he even came back in different clothes. He told me that Simon changed him while he was passed out.

There's no possible way that Sebastian is missing because of Alec. Maybe he was under too much stress and just decided to go MIA for a little while.

Still... maybe i should talk to Alec about this when I get home. He needs to at least hear about us getting a new agent.

On the way home I thought about how I should bring this up to Alec. Should I question him about Sebastians disappearance, or should I just mention that he's missing and see how Alec reacts?

That second option seems to be my best bet. I don't want to see a look of betrayal appear on Alec's face because he thinks I don't trust him.

Do I trust him? I want to think I do but if that was the case then I wouldn't even be stressing about the possibility that Alec did something.

"Just got to ask him. Rip it off like a band-aid and hope we can just laugh about it later."

Preparing my brain for this conversation, I walked into the apartment building and made my way upstairs to our complex.

"Okay, Magnus, just open the door and get right too it. March up to him and ask him if he knows anything about Sebastian vanishing. He might get mad but it needs to be asked."

I took a deep breath before unlocking the door and going inside. The words were ready to escape passed my lips but they died in my throat from what I was looking at.

No lights were on. The only light coming from the glow of candles Illuminating the living room.

"Alec? What's going on in here? Did we have a power outage?"

The boy in question walked out of the kitchen and leaned against the wall, wearing nothing but a pair of tight black briefs.

My eyes skimmed over his toned body, all thoughts of questioning him flying out of my head.

"What's going on" I ask, almost breathlessly. He smirked pushing himself off the wall and slowly making his way over to me.

"I'm having withdrawal. Was hoping you could fix it for me."

He stopped in front of me, placing his hand on my clothed chest and starting to run his finger tips down it.

I swallowed hard, feeling my throat run dry. "You don't look like you're having withdrawal."

He giggled flirtingly, a noise I've never heard pass Alec's lips and it made me crazy. He put his hands on my shoulders, turning me around and gently pushing me to sit on the couch.

"I'm having a different kind of withdrawal, Magnus." He whispers as he straddles my lap. "One only you can satisfy."

All I can do is stare at him in shock. Is this really Alec right now? It looks like Alec but I've never seen him act this way.

It's obvious what he wants from me. He wants sex and I'm going to guess acting this way is how he usually gets it. I want to tell him that he doesn't need to put on this prostitute act when he's with me but honestly... it's fucking sexy!

I ran my hands up his legs and thighs before stopping them on the mounds of Alec's ass. Alec Lightwood had the sexiest ass i've ever seen. It fit perfectly in my hands like they were made to be there.

"What brought on this 'withdrawal' all of a sudden" I asked, sqeezing his cheeks making him moan lowly in delight.

"It's not sudden. I've been trying to get in your pants for months but you always find reasons to run away."

I frowned at that, looking into Alec's eyes. The reason I avoided sleeping with him was because I didn't want to feel like he was comparing me to all the other guys he's been with. What if I wasn't good enough? What if he sleeps with me once and never wants to sleep with me again?

My friends helped me see those thoughts were silly but they still worried me. Now with Alec sitting here, looking at me with dark lust filled blue eyes, I can't bring myself to tell him no.

I don't want to tell him no.

"I just worry that I won't be as good as all the others" I admit, glancing away from him.

Alec touched my cheek, gently pulling my face back to look at him. His eyes were soft as he cupped my face in his hands.

"How can I compare you to anyone else when this is going to be my first time?"

That confused me. "What do you mean?"

He smiled sweetly. "This will be my first time sleeping with someone I choose. It will be the first time I'm sexual with a boyfriend."

He put his forehead to mine, looking deeper in my eyes. "This will be my first time making love."

He was right. He told me a long time ago that he's never had a boyfriend. He's never had sex with someone willingly without being paid.

"If anyone should be scared about being compared, it should be me. You've had boyfriends and girlfriends to do this stuff with. How do I know I'll be as good as them" Alec asked frowning.

I shook my head, kissing his cheek. "This will be my first time making love too."

Alec's eyes shined, "does this mean you won't reject me this time?"

"I'll never reject you again, Alexander" I say honestly.

His smile was small and sweet but it soon turned to a playful smirk as he leaned into my ear and whispered, "then take me to our bedroom and have your way with me. I want a taste of your delicious drug."

Alec's words made me shiver as I gently pushed him to his feet and got off the couch. I pushed him against the wall, trapping him there and ravishing him in a deep sensual kiss.

He moaned in my mouth, wrapping his arms around my neck and pulling me closer.

I licked his bottom lip, wanting entry inside his mouth and he willingly opened up, letting me in. My tongue explored every corner of his mouth making Alec moan heavenly in mine.

I broke the kiss, grabbing the buttons of my shirt and undoing them. It must have been taking too long because Alec grabbing the ends of my shirt and just ripped them open before pulling my shirt off of me. The action made me growl low in my throat. Alec really knew how to turn a guy on.

I grabbed his hand, pulling him toward our bedroom and he happily followed, blowing out candles as we passed them.

Once in the room he wrapped his arms around my neck and smashed his lips against mine again. tounge and teeth battled for dominance as we backed up closer to the bed.

Once my legs hit the edge of it, Alec broke the kiss and laid his hand on top of my shoulder, slowly pushing me down so I was sitting.

I watched him confused until he lowered down on his hands and knees in front of me. His sparkling blue eyes full of lust as he began unbuttoning my pants.

"what are you doing, Alexander" I asked; though it was obvious what he was going to do.

He put his hands on my knees, using them to push himself up enough to peck a small kiss on my lips. "I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life," he whispered, sending chills through out my body.

The last time he told me that, I got insicure and ran away to the bathroom to take a cool shower. I wasn't going to run away this time. Alec's old job is a part of who he is. I might as well enjoy the perks of it.

"Then get back on your knees and do it" I replied smirking.

He smirked back at me before sliding back down to the floor. He pulled the zipper of my jeans down and I sat up enough so he can pull them and my silk boxers down to my ankles.

I kicked them off before watching as Alec got more inbetween my legs. He was staring at my semi-hard member, licking his lips like it was something he couldn't wait to try.

And boy, did he try it.

Without warning Alec grabbed my dick, rubbing at the base until it got firmer. Once it was to the thickness of his liking, he opened his mouth and went down on it making me hiss.

For the love of god, Alec's mouth was perfect. It was warm and wet around me. His cheeks hollowing out as his tongue glides up the base and around the tip.

When I felt myself go deeper in Alec's throat I couldn't stop my head from falling back. sensual moans escaping passed my lips.

He pulled off of me, a smirk playing on his face and I just wanted to kiss it off of him. So that's what I did. I grabbed his arms and pulled him up so our lips smashed together.

Not breaking the kiss, I backed up more on the bed, Alec following me. I plopped down on the pillows and Alec laid his body on top of mine, his chest hot against mine as our bare skin touched.

I groaned my hips against Alec's slowly making him shudder in pleasure and throw his head back slightly. I used that chance to lean up and bite down on his neck, licking and sucking, making sure my mark would be left behind.

Sure enough, when I pulled my mouth away I was delighted to see a dark hickey formed on Alec's beautiful pale neck.

"No more foreplay, Magnus. I want you. No, I _need_ you right now!"

"You don't need to tell me twice" I said, rolling us over so that I was now on top of him.

I looked down into his gorgeous blue eyes clouded with lust and need. I'm sure my eyes reflected the same thing. This was going to be one of the best nights of my life without a doubt. I was going to cherish every moment of it.

Alec Pov - My heart felt like it was going to explode in my chest. Could Magnus tell? Was I doing a good job at hiding how nervous I was am?

I'm not sure how this suddenly came on. I was sitting in the living room reading until my thoughts drifted off to Magnus. I thought about the last time we were really intimate with each other. The night he pleasured me and went running to the bathroom to pleasure himself even though I was more than willing to assist.

That night I wondered what made Magnus turn away from me. Was I not attractive enough? Did he think I was someone's secondhand trash? What about now after a few months? Would he still push me away?

That thought was lodged into my brain and before I knew it. I was lighting candles everywhere and wearing nothing but briefs, waiting for Magnus to come home.

Now I know why he denied me. He was afraid that I wouldn't be pleased with him. All my experience scared him into convincing himself that he wouldn't be any good.

Man, was he wrong.

I have never felt like this before. Having someone I love on top of me. Having two of his digits inside me, stretching me to fit something much bigger.

Usually I'm laying there mentally begging for it all to be over or to be anywhere but there.

Not with Magnus though.

Never with Magnus.

The love I felt radiating off of him hit me in waves. My breath coming outo as needy pants as he adds a third digit and starts stretching me more.

"God, Magnus, your fingers are amazing" I moaned, lolling my head back against my pillow that was now slightly damp with sweat.

"I'm about to make you feel even more amazing baby." He whispered in my ear, making my entire body shudder in delight.

"Go ahead. I want to feel you inside me, Magnus."

The feeling of his fingers leaving me made me feel cold for a moment. It didn't last long though as I felt the heat of his member inching closer.

Magnus reach into our bedside table taking out a bottle of lube. To be honest, I was surprised we even had one. We never have sex so I assumed we wouldn't have any.

I watched as Magnus spurted some in his hand, lathering his dick up good so it wouldn't struggle to go in.

He stretched me a little longer with lubed fingers for extra measure before putting his hands on each side of my hips and positioning himself.

For some reason, I was holding my breath. I don't really know why I was doing it. I have had sex with so many people yet I feel as nervous as I did when I had my first client.

There's a big difference this time though. I love Magnus. I actually want to be intimate with him. Not just have mind blowing sex, but to make love.

I've always wondered what it felt like to make love and I was finally going to find out.

Magnus gently started to push inside me and I had to hold back a hiss of pain. It's been almost two years since I last had sex. with how addicted I became to it, I'm surprised I didn't die from withdrawal.

There was pain but my body was trained to withstand it and ignore it. It will turn into pleasure soon enough.

Magnus looked over my face, making sure I was okay before he pushed in more. We both grunted until he was fully inside me.

We both panted for breath. looking into each other's eyes as we took in this beautiful moment of finally being whole. Magnus smiled down at me and I smiled back up.at him, moving my hips slightly to tell him I was ready.

He got the hint and slowly withdrew from inside me before just as slowly slipping back in. I closed my eyes tight, feeling pain shoot up my middle back but chose to ignore it.

Magnus kept that pace for a little bit and after awhile I had to wrap my legs around his waist and pull his harder down on me.

"Go faster Magnus. I want it harder."

I felt my cheeks flush from my words. I may have said that line a hundred times to my clients but saying it to Magnus made me feel bashful. I actually meant it with Magnus.

He didn't need me to ask twice. Without hesitation Magnus grabbed my hips and thrusted at a much quicker pace.

My eyes practically rolled to the back of my head as I tilted my head back in a silent moan. God Magnus was so amazing. He was big and filled me in a way I never been filled before. He was even hitting my prostate and he wasn't even thrusting at full speed.

"You're so tight, Alexander" Magnus groaned but I heard a hint of surprise in his voice. Like me being tight was strange since I slept around so much.

Anyone else saying that to me in that way would have been punched in the face. This was Magnus though, so I was willing to overlook it this once.

The assault on my prostate started to become more than I could bare. I wrapped my arms tight around Magnus' neck, running my fingers through his black hair and giving it a slight tug. He must of liked it because a moan passed his lips.

"I won't last much longer baby." I panted in Magnus' ear and he nodded, his pace speeding up in a less rhythmic rate.

"Me too, Alec. I'm so close. God, I love you!"

My heart swelled at his words as I wrapped my arms tighter around his neck. I felt tears sting at my eyes but ignored them as the most amazing wave of pleasure hit me.

A loud moan escaped my lips as I had the most mindblowing release in my life.

Magnus wasn't too far behind, yelling out the name _Alexander_ as he reached the end. Having him call out my full name made me feel fuzzy inside, though that may be the high I'm feeling from having Magnus cum inside me.

I've never let anyone do that before without a condom.

Magnus and I caught our breaths for a few moments, calming down before he slowly pulled out of me and plopped down beside me with his head on his pillow.

"That was amazing. Why did we wait so long to do that?" Magnus asked, making me roll my eyes but I was still smiling.

"I wasn't the one who was making us wait. You were feeling insecure when you really had no reason to. That was the best sex I've ever had."

Magnus looked at me surprised and it seemed the praise pleased him. His green eyes shown with excitement making me chuckle.

I stretched my arms before turning my back to him, curling up with my pillow. "We should probably shower but I'm too tired now."

Magnus agreed laying down and wrapping his arms around my waist so we were spooning. I didn't mind. I loved cuddling with Magnus.

We laid in a blissful silence for a while and just when my eyes started to drift closed, Magnus spoke again.

"I got a call from the adoption agency today," he murmured. My body tensed at his words and I quickly relaxed again, hoping Magnus didn't feel me tense up.

"Really? It's weird for them to call you at work. What did they want?" I asked, closing my eyes and cuddling my face deeper into my pillow tiredly.

"Supposedly Sebastian has gone missing."

My eyes opened wide at his words and I could feel my mind going into a frenzy. 'Did he suspect me?' 'was he going to leave me?' 'Does he know I killed Sebastian?'

There's no way he could know. Of course people will say he's missing. He hasn't shown up for work all week. People will start asking questions after awhile.

"The last time he was seen was last friday... the day that you went out to dinner with Simon."

My body tensed up again and this time I know he felt it. He was definitely accusing me of something. I couldn't freak out over it though. I had to play it off like I didn't know what he was saying.

"What are you implying?" I asked quietly. I could make myslef talk louder than a whisper. I was afraid of all the secrets that might come pouring out.

Magnus stayed silent for a moment before laying his chin on my shoulder, holding me close to his chest.

"Nothing. never mind, forget I said anything. It was stupid to even think it."

He nuzzled against my neck, his breathing calming until he fell asleep. I couldn't sleep now though. There was no way of calming myself down.

'He knows you did it, Alec. He knows you had something to do with this and he's choosing to ignore it for the time being.'

Why was he ignoring it? Why bring it up if you aren't going to follow through with your claims? Maybe he knew it would lead to a fight and he didn't want to ruin our first time with fighting.

That thought made me relax slightly. He's ignoring it for now which means I should do the same. I have time to come up with an argument to why I have nothing to do with Sebastian's disappearance.

If I'm lucky, Magnus just might believe me.

 **A/N: I feel like this chapter is short but it's hard to tell when writing on your phone.**

 **I hope the sex scene was okay. I haven't written one in a long time so I was rusty. That's what took so long getting this chapter out.**


	13. Complicated Changes

It's Complicated Chapter Thirteen- Complicated Changes.

Alec Pov- "I can't believe the day is finally here. I feel like I'm going to throw up, maybe pass out? Actually no, I think I'm going to do both at the same time," I said pacing the room.

Magnus shook his head watching me from the couch. "I know you are excited Alec, but try to calm down a little bit. They will be here any minute and I'm sure they won't appreciate there being a hole in the floor from you pacing."

I moved over to the couch sitting next to Magnus and grabbing his hand. "I can't help it Magnus. Max is finally able to come home and live with us. We have waited so long for this day and it's finally here."

It's been three months since Sebastian has gone missing. We met our new case worker Vincent and he was much nicer. Of course, I knew he was really one of Raphael's men undercover, so I didn't have a reason to worry.

Magnus assumed that since we had a new case worker it meant we would have to start the process all over again. I assumed we would have some set backs but I never imagined we would be able to bring Max home in as little as three months.

The moment Magnus and I got the call we started preparing for his arrival. We turned Magnus's office into Max's bedroom and filled it with a toddler bed and a whole chest of toys. We even bought him more stuffed wolves since he loved the one we got him before.

There was a knock on the door and my heart stopped, panic immediately taking me over.

"This is it" Magnus gushed going to stand up but I squeezed his hand, stopping him. He looked back down at me, his eyes catching mine.

"Magnus... what if we mess up? What if he doesn't like being with us," I whispered softly.

Magnus smiled sweetly before sitting back down and cupping my face in his hands. "You Alexander are going to be an amazing dad. It may be difficult at first but we know what we are doing. We will avoid all the things our parents did with us and show Max all the love in the world. He couldn't possibly hate being with us."

I took in his words calming down slightly. He was right. We have had months of prepping for this moment. There was no way I was going to chicken out now.

I nodded smiling, standing and squeezing Magnus's hand. "Let's go welcome our son home."

Magnus smiled, giving me a quick kiss before going to answer the door.

Vincent Garson was a handsome man. He must have been related to Raphael because he had the same black hair and brown eyes as him. They almost looked like twins though there were slight differences. Magnus once pointed out the similarities between the two but I just laughed it off and told him he was crazy.

Now the man in question was standing at the door holding our sleeping son in his arms.

Wow... our son. It feels so good to be able to say that. Once Magnus and I sign the papers, that boy will officially be Max Michael Lightwood-Bane.

"Welcome Mr. Garson, I hope traffic wasn't too bad on the way here" Magnus said letting him in.

Max's foster parents lived across town and with traffic, it could take as long as an hour to get to Brooklyn.

"It wasn't too bad. The distance allowed Max to get some sleep. I was told he didn't get to take his normal nap today."

As if knowing we were talking about him, Max's eyes slowly opened before he lifted his head, looking around tiredly.

I had to bite my lip to stop myself from gushing at how cute he was.

He kept looking around before his eyes stopped on me. I smiled at him not expecting him to remember me. To my surprise, he held his arms out to me struggling to get out of Vincent's arms and into mine.

Smiling I took Max and held him close. Max laid his head on my chest snuggling close and closing his eyes again.

Magnus smiled watching us before looking at Vincent. "Is there anything we need to know about Max? Allergies or things he likes to eat?"

Vincent nodded pulling a folder out of his bag. "He does have a couple allergies to food. Peanuts and peaches make him get hives and his throat swells up."

Peanuts and peaches? I guess peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are out of the question.

Magnus opened the file skimming the pages inside. "I'm glad he doesn't have any animal allergies."

Vincent nodded "his foster family had a couple of cats. They said that he loved them so you may want to consider getting one."

Magnus's eyes lit up at the thought of getting a cat. He has been wanting one for awhile but I told him to hold off because we didn't know how Max would react to a cat.

"We will make sure to do that thank you" Magnus agreed looking over at Max and I.

We all made our way to the living room and Vincent put a piece of paper on the coffee table. "All you have to do is sign this paper and Max is officially your son."

Magnus and I sat on the couch both looking over the paper. Magnus grabbed the pen first signing his name on the dotted line before he took Max and handed the pen to me.

I took a deep breath looking at the line where my name was supposed to go. This was really happening. Magnus and I are going to be parents. I was nervous but also really excited.

"You okay Alexander" Magnus asked watching me. I nodded grabbing the paper and signing my name.

Vincent smiled grabbing the papers and putting them in another file. "Congratulations boys, you are now the proud parents of Max Michael Lightwood-bane."

Magnus smiled wrapping his arm around me and I leaned into him smiling down at Max. Max was still looking around the house obviously confused about what was going on.

"Everything seems to be in order here. I'll leave the three of you alone to get acquainted," Vincent said gathering his things. I stood up saying "I'll walk you out."

He nodded and I kissed Magnus's cheek before walking out of the flat with him. The moment we set foot on the stairs my smile dropped.

"So there is no way Magnus and I can lose him? He can't be taken away from us?"

He shook his head no. "Not unless something big happens that causes anyone to think the child won't be safe with you. Raphael made sure that no one would find out about our connection with him."

"Thank you for all you did. I'm sure it wasn't easy convincing the hire ups to move our adoption day faster."

"Being new didn't help but I know how to be convincing. That's why Raphael sent me," Vincent shrugged.

"I'm surprised we've never met before this. Are you related to Raphael?"

He nodded walking outside with me once we got to the front door.

"He's my cousin. I just recently moved to New York so it's no surprise we haven't met."

"Well thank you for helping Magnus and I. I'm in your debt."

He shook his head "don't mention it. You and Magnus are great guys and I just know you will be great parents."

"I hope you're right. Thanks again for everything you've done for us."

He shrugged it off, holding his hand out and calling for a taxi. It stopped and he congratulated me again before getting in and driving away.

I watched him go, lost in my thoughts. I was happy about finally being a dad but I was also really nervous. All it would take was someone finding out that I killed Sebastian. Then my family would come crashing down.

"Was that one of your drug dealers or one of your fuck buddies" a rude unwelcoming voice asked from next to me. I turned toward it and sure enough my father was standing there with that usual disapproving look on his face.

"What are you doing here? I thought you would never be caught dead in Brooklyn."

"If you must know I'm having lunch with Michael Wayland and he lives in the area."

That surprised me.

"You're having lunch with Michael? That's strange since you disowned him as your best friend."

"We started talking again and I decided to look passed his preferences. As long as he doesn't try to be with me I can just ignore the fact that he's gay."

I shook my head, "yeah because ignoring people is what you do best. You have no problem ignoring me."

"I would have been able to overlook your disgraceful behavior if it wasn't for all the things you've done since leaving home."

I glared at him. "Normally I would point out that you are the reason I did all those things, but now that I'm a dad I'm going to take the high road and let you think what you want."

My dad looked pissed. "They actually gave you that child? Standards must be low these days. No one in their right mind would give you a kid. Though I guess having Magnus Bane helps."

"You can call me unfit all you want but it doesn't matter. Magnus and I are going to raise Max in love and be better parents than you and mom ever pretended to be."

"You named him Max?! How dare you!"

"How dare I? How dare you tell my little brother that I didn't want to see him while he was on his death bed? Max was so precious to me and you knew how close we were. You ruined that when you sent him, and then me away."

The apartment door opened and Magnus came out holding Max.

"Alexander, what's taking you so long?" He stopped talking when he saw my father standing in front of me.

Magnus frowned, walking over to me and putting Max in my arms before glaring at my dad.

"You need to leave right now. This is a good day for Alec and I won't have you ruin it with hurtful words or actions."

My dad scoffed at that. "Yes I heard you have been blessed with a child." He glanced at Max before looking back at Magnus.

"Last time I checked you didn't want to adopt a kid. Now you're suddenly okay with having one?"

Magnus shrugged "I was nervous at first but what parent isn't beforehand? I had time to warm up to the idea and now there's nothing I want more."

He looked at me smiling. "Speaking of our son, we should go inside and show him around the house."

I nodded in agreement now ignoring my father and walking passed him, going up to Magnus. Magnus put his arm around me leading us inside.

Once we were in the living room I sat on the floor with Max, sitting him on my lap. Max looked around the room before looking up at me shyly.

"He's so quiet. Do you think he doesn't like it here" I asked frowning at Magnus.

He shook his head at my panic. "Alexander, he just got here. He has lived with another family for a whole year. It will take longer than three minutes to get used to us."

I nodded, trying to keep a level head about all this. Magnus was right. Children need time to adjust no matter what age they are.

"How about we warm the place up by putting some of Max's things around" Magnus suggested, sitting on the floor with us and going through Max's bag. He pulled out the wolf we got him during our first playdate. You could tell Max loved the thing. It was all worn from being played with so much and even had a small grape juice stain on the right paw.

Max reached out for it giggling.

"woofy. Woofy," he cooed until Magnus handed him the wolf. He hugged it to his chest smiling happily and it filled my heart. His favorite toy was something I picked out for him. I never imagined he would love it so much.

"We will need to go through our food and throw away everything that has peanuts in it. We don't want to risk accidentally giving him something he's allergic to," Magnus thought aloud, looking over his papers.

Max stood up getting off my lap and he walked around the living room, looking at everything.

I went to get up and follow him but Magnus pushed me back down. "You don't need to follow him like a mother hen. As long as we have an eye on him at all times it should be alright to let him wander. It may help him get comfortable."

"He walks a lot better than the first time we saw him at that play date. That was about six months ago so it isn't too strange that he's gotten better."

Magnus nodded. "He still doesn't talk much though so we will have fun teaching him that. We need to teach him to call you daddy and me Papa."

"I wonder what he called his foster parents" I pondered, watching as Max tried to climb onto the couch.

Magnus got off the floor and picked him up enough to place him on the couch. Max laid on his back, laying his wolf on his tummy and playing with it's paws.

"The paper says he is limited on words. He knows how to say woofy, apple, pizza, and night-night."

"Not a lot of words but we can make due with that. I'm excited to teach him more things. It will be so much fun," I gushed.

Magnus turned his eyes to me, his face looking conflicted.

"What is it Magnus? If you have something to say then just say it."

He shrugged, "It's nothing big. I just hope you understand that parenting won't always be fun. There will be times when you may feel overwhelmed. I think you will be able to handle it better if you know that those times will happen."

I rolled my eyes at him before standing up and moving over to the couch to sit with Max.

"Of course I know that parenting isn't always fun. If anything it is more stressful than fun but it is always worth it when you see your child smile."

"Just don't get in over your head. Also, don't ignore your withdrawal symptoms when they happen. When you feel it tell me no matter what we are doing. Max's safety is important."

"I know that Magnus. You don't have to worry about me. I would never put Max's life in danger."

He nodded watching me a bit longer before turning his attention back to Max.

A few months passed. Max was learning more and more each day and every time I thought I couldn't love him more, he proved me wrong by doing something adorable and making me fall in love with him all over again.

Magnus has been super busy with his store and fashion line. Portman promised Magnus to get him more shops outside of New York and even the country, but so far he's only popular here. The transitioning of the stores is taking longer than either of them thought.

He has a great opportunity coming up though. It will be New York Fashion Week here in about a month and Magnus is going to present his new line there. He hopes it will boost his business and get his name out there.

Of course, his parents are also presenting their line at Fashion Week so Magnus is worried about either being showed up, or lumped together with his family's line. You just know that people are going to compare the two.

That being said, Magnus has been at his studio working hard to outshine his parents and be the better half of the Bane dynasty. He comes home at night but he's gone all day long leaving me with Max.

Not that I mind one bit. Max and I bonded a lot in the month that he's been living with us. I've been trying to get him to say dad or at least 'dada' but it hasn't happened yet. Of course, to spite me he started saying Papa the day after moving with us. It makes since though. One of the words he could say was pizza and papa sounds pretty close to that.

Life hasn't been completely perfect of course. Murdering Sebastian has still weighed heavily on my mind. It's gotten to the point where I've been seeing his dead corpse in my dreams. He comes out of the dirt and grabs my ankles, pulling me into his grave with him.

It's safe to say that I haven't had much sleep lately. In fact, last night I didn't sleep at all. I was sitting at the kitchen table slowly dozing off at the same time I was feeding Max Fruit Loops. Every time I'd close my eyes, my hand holding his spoon would move away from his lips and Max would whimper.

"Alexander" Magnus called making me jump and fling the spoon full of cereal all over the place. The mess made Max stop whining and giggle instead. I looked around me quickly before looking up at Magnus, who seemed concerned.

"Alec if you need to sleep some more I can stay home today." I shook my head no grabbing a paper towel and picking up my mess. "There's no need for that Magnus. You have a lot to do before Fashion Week so you need all the time you can get to work."

"I just don't want you to overwork yourself. If you stress out too much then you will start having withdrawal again. Maybe we should have Isabelle come help you out today."

I rolled my eyes at that, throwing the used paper towel in the trash. "Magnus, I promise you that I'm okay. Once I have some coffee I will be fully awake and functional. You have nothing to worry about okay?"

He watched me hesitantly a moment longer before nodding. "If you say you are alright then I believe you. Just please promise me you will call me or one of your siblings if you feel like you need a break."

"yeah, yeah I will call Isabelle the moment I feel like I can't handle watching Max on my own. You don't have to worry though because I got this all under control."

He nodded before kissing me softly. "I'll be home earlier today. There's not too much more to do for my clothing line so I have wiggle room to relax a little. expect me home by six."

I nodded smiling. "Okay, I will have dinner ready for us when you get back."

Magnus frowned at this. "Alexander, I love you but please don't attempt to make anything until you take a proper cooking class. You don't have the best track record when it comes to making meals and the fire department are threatening to stop coming here."

"They haven't had to come that many times" I mumbled, crossing my arms.

"They have come six times this month. Please just wait for me and I will make dinner; or better yet, order in for dinner. There's a new place down the block that is supposed to have a great verity of food. Just don't order the whole menu" he teased, referring to when we first met and I ordered everything on the menu at Taki's.

I stuck my tongue out at him making him laugh as he made his way over to Max. He kissed the top of his head smiling. "Have a good day with Daddy, alright max." Max looked up at him smiling back. "Bye Papa!"

Magnus gave him another kiss on the cheek this time before leaving for work. I watched him go before getting a pot of coffee ready. "So what should we do today little man," I asked leaning on the counter and looking at Max.

To my surprise Max yawned, rubbing his eyes with his small fists. I looked at the time seeing it was only nine in the morning. "Are you still tired Max?" He nodded still rubbing his eyes.

I could always put him back to bed to sleep a little longer. He can sleep in and we'll skip his nap for today. That way I can also get a little more sleep. I was pretty wiped out too.

"How about we go back to bed" I suggested, turning off the coffee machine. Max nodded holding his arms up for me to pick him up. I did so and carried him back to his room, laying him in his bed and covering him up. He fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow and I watched him for a few minutes before heading to my own room.

I must have been more tired than I thought. The moment I laid down I was out cold. At first it was a dreamless sleep. I hoped it would stay that way but that was wishful thinking on my part.

It started like it always does, with me walking through the woods with Magnus and Max. We were looking for a good place to have a picnic and ended up choosing a spot in the middle of the woods. Magnus sets out the blanket and food while I get Max ready to eat.

The picnic always starts off innocent enough but quickly changes into my worst nightmare. The sky turns gray and everything turns deadly quiet. Then suddenly I feel a heavy weight on my ankle. When I look back to see what it is, I scream seeing Sebastian's undead corpse sticking half way out of the ground, his hand clasped tightly around my ankle.

I scream louder, trying to kick him off but his grip is too strong.

"You will never escape me Alec. No matter what you do I will always be there in the corner of your mind. Except your fate and join me in hell."

I shake my head kicking harder, turning to Magnus screaming for him to help me. Magnus is no longer near me though. He is standing a few feet away holding Max tight against his chest as he looks down at me with distain.

"Magnus! Magnus please help me!" I scream as Sebastian sinks back in his grave, pulling me with him. I dig my nails in the dirt, trying to stop myself from being pulled but it was no use. I was getting dragged further and further away from Magnus and Max.

"Magnus! Magnus please!"

He didn't move. Instead he glared down at me in silence as he watched me be pulled down into the dirt. I screamed until my head was below ground level, my mouth being filled up with mud and dirt, suffocating me.

I shot up out of bed in a cold sweat, gasping for air and feeling around my surroundings. I was relieved to find I was laying in my safe bed and not in a grave somewhere.

Magnus wasn't in bed but I could hear him in the kitchen with our son. This made me sigh shakenly in relief. If he was in the kitchen then that meant he hasn't left me.

Then I was just confused. Why was Magnus home when he already left for work?

Ignoring that for now, I ran my hands over my face, frowning when I realized that they were shaking as well.

Turning to look in Magnus's vanity mirror, I could see that my entire body was shaking violently. I was going through withdrawal again.

It seems every time I have a dream about Sebastian, a withdrawal is always close behind. Lately Magnus hasn't been home to witness them so he assumes I haven't had one in awhile.

"Ignore it Alec. Get up and continue your day" I scolded myself before forcing myself out of bed. The moment my feet touched the ground my knees gave out on me and I fell to the floor.

"You okay Alexander" Magnus asked from the kitchen.

"Yeah! Sorry, my legs must have still been asleep. I'm okay."

"Oh okay. Hey I have to head back to work soon. Do you think you can get lunch ready for Max?"

I frowned looking over at the clock sitting on my bedside table. Sure enough it was already noon. It's surprising that Magnus was even here. He never came home for lunch.

"Of course" I called hoping my voice wasn't as Shaky as my body. I got up and managed to make my way to the kitchen where Magnus was just finishing off a cup of coffee. I swear he drinks too much coffee.

Max was sitting in his booster seat silently waiting for his lunch. I smiled kissing him on the top of the head before making my way over to the cabinets.

"What made you come home" I asked trying to act normal.

Magnus looked me over with his eyes and I hoped to God he was just checking me out and not analyzing my health.

"I was worried about you so I came to check in. I was surprised to see you were both sleeping."

"We took a nap" I said not going to pick anything up until he left the room. I didn't want him to see how bad I was shaking.

He watched me a moment longer before going out to the living room. I sighed with relief before searching for food.

"What should we have for lunch Max" I asked scanning the options with my eyes.

The sharp pain of withdrawal started to take effect so in able to finish making lunch as soon as possible I grabbed a jar of peanut butter and jelly. It was one of those brands that were mixed together in one jar. I thought it was gross but Magnus liked it.

The jar shook violently in my hand as I got a butter knife out of the drawer and started smearing the spread onto some bread. Once a couple of sandwiches we're made I cut them into sloppy triangles before putting them in front of Max.

I quickly went to leave the kitchen but ran right into Magnus as he was coming back in. He put his hands on my shoulders to steady me and immediately frowned, feeling my body shaking under his hands.

"Alec… are you withdrawing?" He asked looking me over.

I went to deny it but he glanced over at Max and gasped before letting me go and running to him. I watched confused as he snatched the uneaten sandwich out of his hands.

He took the whole plate away before glaring at me. "What the hell Alec?"

"What" I asked confused.

He threw the sandwich away before grabbing the peanut butter and jelly jar and throwing that away too.

"Why would you make Max a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Don't you remember what his paperwork said? He's deathly allergic to peanuts."

Those words hit me hard, making me forget all about my stupid withdrawal symptoms. I almost poisoned my son! I was in such a rush to leave the room and hide my withdrawal that I got hasty and gave my son peanuts. If Magnus didn't walk into the room before he took a bite it would have been really bad.

"I… oh God Magnus. I'm so sorry. I woke up withdrawing and I didn't want you to worry so I tried to work through it. I'm so sorry."

I went to go pick up my son but Magnus quickly grabbed him before I could. "You shouldn't hold him while your shaking so bad. I'm going to take him next door to Mrs. Wilson."

He left before I could object. Mrs. Wilson was wonderful but I could handle watching my son. At least I thought I could. I almost killed him so who knows if I'm the best person to be with him.

Frowning I made my way to the couch and sat down, pulling my legs up and hugging my knees to my chest.

Who was I to think that I could handle all of this. Killing Sebastian, being a father? Is it too much on me? I thought I could push through the withdrawal and the nightmares but now it was effecting my life with Magnus and our son.

The front door opened and Magnus was back empty handed. I frowned watching him walk up to me.

"I'm so sorry Magnus… I don't know what I was thinking. No. I wasn't thinking at all. I'm such an idiot."

Magnus sat on the couch wrapping his arms around me and shushing me softly. "You we're going through withdrawal Alexander. You didn't purposely try to hurt Max. Why didn't you tell me that you needed help? I told you not to ignore your symptoms."

I hid my face in the crook of his neck frowning. "I didn't want to bother you. You had to go to work and you're so close to being done with your fashion line. I didn't want to get in the way of that."

Magnus sighed running his fingers through my hair gently. "Alec, nothing in the world matters to me more than you and Max. I don't care about Fashion Week. You should have told me you needed my help."

I frowned more looking down. "I didn't want you to think I couldn't handle being a dad."

"I would never think that. Max loves you so much and you have been doing such a good job taking care of him. This is my fault. I'm barely here and you're with Max all the time. You need a break too every once in awhile."

"Max isn't the reason I'm stressed out. Neither is your work" I sighed frowning.

Magnus frowned confused. "Then what is stressing you out?"

I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted to pour my heart out to him about how I killed Sebastian and hid his body in the woods. How the only reason we have Max is because Raphael helped. I couldn't tell him all of that though. He would hate me for sure.

"I guess I just miss you" was what I said.

He thought for a moment before standing up. "I don't want to leave you alone right now. I'll stay home and take care of you."

I shook my head no. "Magnus you're so close to being done with your line and you still have so much to do. My symptoms have stopped so I'm fine."

He shook his head thinking. "I don't want you to be alone right now Alec." A smile appeared on his face showing that he had an idea.

"How about you come to work with me?"

"You want me to come to work with you? Are you sure?"

He nodded smiling. "All my assistance love you and you can help me out on some paperwork. Your business background will come in handy. What do you say?"

I thought that over for a moment. Spending the day with Magnus did sound nice and Max was safe with the neighbor.

"Yeah… yeah Magnus, I would love to go to work with you today."

"Great. Go get dressed and we will head out. We'll go out for dinner later too okay?"

I nodded heading into the room and getting changed.

When we got to Magnus's boutique I was surprised by how much it changed. I haven't been to it since it first opened and there was still construction going on at the time.

Now there were display cases, racks upon racks of handmade dresses, and about eight dressing rooms.

"Where have you been Magnus?" Tessa asked walking up to us. I forgot that she started working here as a cashier.

"There was a problem at home. Alec is with me today" Magnus said going behind the cashier counter and grabbing a clip board, looking over some papers.

She looked over at me smiling. "Nice to see you again Alec. What brings you here today?"

I glanced away pulling on the sleeve of my black sweater uncomfortably. "Magnus needed help with some paperwork."

Tessa sighed shaking her head. "Pushing your paperwork onto your boyfriend. How rude of you Magnus."

"He likes helping me with my work so hush" Magnus said picking up a stack of papers. "Follow me Alec" he said heading to a door.

That door led up some stairs to a loft above the store. Magnus renovated the loft to be like his office. There were three halves dividing up the room. One half was made up of his desk, chairs and paintings on the wall. The second half was a lounging area made up of a couple couches and a small kitchen. The third half was Magnus's sewing area which was a mess right now because of how busy he is.

There was a rack by his work station where outfits hidden in black bags were hung up. Those had to be his dresses for fashion week.

Magnus pulled out his office chair and gestured for me to sit in it. I did as told and he pushed me in before setting the paperwork in front of me.

"Are you sure you're okay to handle this? You could just hang out."

I shook my head no. "I want to do something. You suck at paperwork so it's the least I can do to help. Just leave it to me."

Magnus nodded and went to go to his work station but stopped when Tessa called through a radio saying she needed help in the store. Magnus sighed rubbing his face tiredly before smiling at me.

"Duty calls. I'll be back in a little bit. Rush hour usually takes about an hour. Will you be okay here until then?"

I nodded grabbing a pen and starting my work. "You go be amazing. I'll be here doing the hard work"

He smirked at my comment before quickly going downstairs.

Like he said an hour went by but he still wasn't back. I finished the paperwork and was now just walking around upstairs wondering if there was anything else I could do to help Magnus. I didn't want to touch something and mess it up. Creativity is not my forte.

I wandered over to some jackets sitting on a table and I looked them over thinking they were beautiful. Everything Magnus makes is beautiful so it shouldn't be that surprising.

Picking up one of the jackets I noticed that there was a big tear in one of the sleeves. Magnus must have this set aside to fix it.

Looking at the tear, for some reason made me think back on something that happened in the past. I smiled sadly at the thought of it.

 _I sat on the cold streets of downtown New York. I was eighteen and it was a week after my father kicked me out of the house._

 _The winter had started and after a lot of begging, I finally found a coat to keep me warm. I was living on the street and only had the clothes on my back. It wasn't enough to keep me warm. Neither was the coat though. It had a huge gash in the arm making the warmth escape out of it._

 _My teeth chattered as I hugged my knees to my chest trying to get warm any way possible._

 _A shadow stopped in front of me and I immediately flinched, worried it would either be the police or someone to try to mug me._

 _I looked up seeing a tall guy with hair so blonde it was almost white. What really caught my attention though we're his black eyes. They couldn't be his real eye color. It just wasn't possible._

 _"Never thought I would see the great Alexander Lightwood shivering on these streets." He said causing me to frown._

 _This guy knew my name. He knew who I was so that means he once lived uptown too. I took a better look at him wondering if we have met before. It suddenly came to me then._

 _"Jonathan Morgenstern?"_

 _As quick as lightning he pulled out a pocket knife and was at my level pointing it at my throat. "Call me that again and I'll kill ya. My name is Sebastian now. Don't forget it."_

 _I swallowed hard as he pulled the knife away and put it back in his pocket._

 _"Why are you out here Lightwood? Don't you have a cushy house to live in with your perfect family?"_

 _The question caused tears to stream down my face and he frowned watching me. I wiped my tears away with the sleeve of my coat._

 _"My father kicked me out for being gay. He just kicked me out like I was nothing to him. What parent does that?"_

 _Sebastian stood in silence for a moment before sighing and sitting next to me, leaning against the building wall we were in front of._

 _"Parents are assholes. You shouldn't care what they think of you. You wanted to be your true self and now you can. Isn't that better than being with a family that tears you down?"_

 _"This place is horrible. I can't get a job, I live on the street, and I can't ever see my siblings again. I can't even find a decent coat with no rips in it. I'm going to die out here!"_

 _"Lightwoods sure are dramatic" he mumbled before turning to face me. "Give me your coat."_

 _I clung on to my coat ready to fight him to the death for it if I had to. He rolled his eyes at this. "I'm not going to take your coat away. Just give it to me for a moment."_

 _Hesitantly, I took off my coat and handed it to him. He took it before pulling a small sewing kit out of his Jean pocket._

 _"Tell anyone I can sew and I will hunt you down and kill you" he threatened as he started sewing up the tear in my coat._

 _I watched him in aw, surprised that someone like him knew how to sew. "Where did you learn to do that?"_

 _The question caused him to frown as he knotted the thread and bit it off with his teeth._

 _"When you're a Morgenstern you need to know how to do everything and be the best at doing it. I'm average at best at everything I do so I didn't meet up to those standards."_

 _"Is that why you're here" I asked taking my coat back when he offered it. He stood up rubbing the dirt off his pants._

 _"I have my reasons for being here. We will leave it at that."_

 _I nodded putting my coat back on. It was already warmer without the tear in it. I smiled up at Sebastian, "thanks for fixing it."_

 _He looked me over for a silent minute before sighing, running his hand over his face. "I'm too nice of a guy" he said shaking his head. I was confused as to why he said that but it became clear when he looked down at me and asked "do you want to come live with me until you are on your feet?"_

 _I was so shocked by the question that I couldn't even speak. Tears stung at my eyes as I looked up at him. Taking my tears as a yes, he pulled me onto my feet and dragged me to his place._

I smiled at the memory running my thumb over the tear in the coat I was holding. I would later learn that Sebastian helping me the way he did wasn't normal for him. In fact he was a jack ass and rarely cared about anyone but himself. To this day I still don't know what compelled him to help me.

"You look like you're having a nice thought" a chilling voice commented from behind me. I turned around and sure enough Gorge Portman was standing there. His eyes were glossing over my body in that creepy way they used to when I was his customer.

"Magnus is downstairs" I said simply, laying the coat back down on the table.

"Yes, I know. He told me to come up here and wait for him. I was delighted when he told me you were here."

I walked away from him, going over to the kitchen area to get a muffin and some coffee. "You have no reason to be happy I'm here. You and I have no business together."

He shrugged "not anymore. Not since Mark Blackthorn ran you out of town."

I rolled my eyes at that. So he was going to try to get under my skin with how Mark took all my customers. A low blow but I don't care.

"I left that life because I fell in love with Magnus. Not because I was out of the game."

I picked up a muffin but immediately dropped it when I felt Gorges arms go around my body. His body pressed hard against my back and his mouth was to my ear.

"I for one always found you more beautiful than Mark Blackthorn. Your body is perfect and delicious" he said running his hand down my thigh.

I shuddered before pushing him away and turning to face him. "Don't touch me. I am not your whore. I'm Magnus's boyfriend and I won't sleep with anyone else but him. Especially not you."

He glared at me before walking toward me making me back up until my back was pressed against the kitchen counter. He trapped me there putting a hands on the counter to cage me in.

"Listen here you downtown scum. Being with Magnus seems to have made you forget your place. You are nothing. You have never been anything. Once you do the things you did, there is no redeeming yourself. You are forever branded a whore."

He grabbed me by the jaw painfully tight and I tried pulling out of his grasp but couldn't.

"The only reason I funded your stupid boyfriend is because I wanted you. I miss that slutty ass of yours. We had some great times together Alec. We could be like that again. It's time you remember where you belong. Being a whore is all you'll ever be good for.

Those words caused me to stop struggling. They were the same words Sebastian Valrec told me before he raped me. How many times am I going to be told this? Is it true? Is being a whore all I'll ever be good for?

I'm a father now. I'm good for that aren't I?

You _almost killed your son today._ A small voice in my head whispered.

 _You almost killed him and you killed Sebastian to get him. You are worthless. Max and Magnus would be better off without you. You're nothing but a murderer and a whore!_

My body started shaking as tears streamed down my face. Portman cupped my face in his hands kissing away a tear before starting to kiss down my neck.

"Do you understand now? Do you finally know your place?"

Before I could answer Portman was being ripped off of me. It all happened so slow yet so fast. Magnus had Gorge by the collar of his shirt and he punched him in the face repeatedly. I stood frozen in shock until I noticed blood on Magnus's knuckles. Seeing that made me leap into action. I grabbed Magnus's arm trying to stop him from hurting Portman any further.

"Magnus stop! You'll kill him!"

Magnus glanced at me before reluctantly letting him go. Once I thought he wouldn't go after him again, I let go of Magnus's hand.

Gorge Portman wiped the blood off his face glaring at Magnus. "You just made a big mistake Bane. You can forget about my investment and Fashion Week. You're ruined you here me! Ruined!"

My eyes widened at his words. Portman was Magnus's biggest investor. He was the one who was pushing to get Magnus's clothes in stores in France and Italy. He was the one who got Magnus into New York Fashion Week. He was right. Without Gorge Portman, Magnus's fashion career was over.

This was all my fault. Oh God, everything was my fault. Once again my dark past was hurting Magnus. All I ever do is hurt Magnus.

I was ready to get on my knees and beg Portman for forgiveness. Tell him that I will do anything he asks if it meant Magnus could live out his dream.

Magnus must have known what I was thinking because he put his hand on my shoulder to stop me.

"I don't care Portman. I'm not going to just ignore the fact that you were sexually assaulting my boyfriend. Just because you were one of Alec's Customers in the past doesn't mean you have a claim on him. He isn't in that life anymore and I won't let you talk down on him. Now get out of my office. I never want to see your face again."

Gorge glared at him before storming out of the room. I watched him go before looking at Magnus shocked.

"What are you doing? Without him you can't go to Fashion Week. You'll lose this boutique and everything you worked so hard for."

"None of that matters" Magnus said walking over to his work station. He grabbed the outfits in the black bags and put them in the trash. I watched him shocked before falling to my knees looking down at the ground.

"I'm sorry… this is all my fault Magnus. I risked our sons life and ruined your career all in one day. Why do you bother staying around me? You would be better off with someone else. Not a whore like me."

Magnus dropped to his knees in front of me and grabbed my face forcing me to look at him. His eyes were intense and serious.

"You are not a whore Alexander."

Tears streamed down my face and Magnus pulled me close rocking us gently back and forth.

"I told you earlier and I'll tell you now. I don't care about Fashion Week or anything else. All I care about is you and Max. I will do anything for you and I mean that"

I closed my eyes tight leaning more into his chest. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Portman being one of my customers. I didn't want to ruin your career… seems I did anyway."

He shook his head "none of that matters now. Sure, I'm a little sad that you kept it from me but I know why you did. If there is anything else you're keeping from me, I would like to know okay?"

 _I killed Sebastian Valrec._

"No… there's nothing else" I replied softly.

He rubbed my head watching me silently before nodding. "okay then."

I looked up at him. "Can we go home? I want to hold our son."

Magnus nodded standing up with me and keeping his arms around me as we walked home together.

 _A/N: I am so sorry this took so long to get out. I lost internet and only have it on my phone. This means I haft to type the chapters out on my phone. For some reason this is hard for me to do. I bought a keyboard that plugs into my phone though so updates should be faster._

 _There will be two more chapters of this story. I'm pretty excited for them. Hope you all will be too._


	14. Complicated Truth's

It's Still Complicated Chapter fourteen- Complicated Truth's.

Magnus Pov- Max watched in aw as the first snow of the season fell from the sky. He was sitting by the window watching it fall onto the street and cars going by.

I sat next to him and he looked at me with wide eyes. "Papa, white. White."

I nodded pulling him on my lap and wrapping my arms around him. "That's right Max. It's called snow. Christmas is coming up fast."

This will be our first Christmas with Max but it's also Alec's and my first Christmas together. First real Christmas anyway. Last year Alec was in rehab because of the drugs Valentine injected him with, so we didn't get to really celebrate.

Max didn't know what Christmas was so he wasn't too excited about it. That's to be expected though. Kids don't get excited for holidays at least until they're three.

I'm still stuck on what Christmas tradition we should have. When I decided I would give adopting Max a try, I told myself that we would have a family tradition for Christmas since my family never had any.

The thought of it sprouted an idea. "Alec what are you doing;" I called out to the kicthen. He was sitting at the kitchen table going through the list of people we had to get presents for this year.

"Just going over the list. I thought there would only be one or two people to send gifts too but we actually have a lot of friends. I also want to get Aline and Helen a present. Feel kind of bad for not keeping in touch with them as much as I should."

I nodded picking up Max and walking to the kitchen. "Go grab your coat. We're going out on the town."

Alec frowned at this. "What could we possibly have to do in town? You know I don't like going out more than necessary."

"We need to go out and find a family tradition that the three of us can have together. I want us to be like the families in the movies who always have fun things to do for Christmas."

Alec nodded "I know how important Christmas is to you since you never really got to celebrate it as a kid." He put his finger to his lip thinking before smiling.

"What if we had a tradition that involved staying inside?"

"Like what? There's nothing fun to do inside."

This made Alec roll his eyes as he stood up and took Max from me. "Let's go out and buy a tree. We will decorate it, put on pajamas, and then watch Christmas movies while drinking hot chocolate. Sound good?"

I didn't even have to think about it. That sounded absolutely perfect.

"I love it. Let's go get a tree right now!"

"Remember Magnus, we live in a flat so the tree can't be too big. Knowing you, you'll want the largest tree in the lot. We can't do that though so get the thought out of your brain."

Damn, Alec knew me too well. As he was saying that, I was trying to figure out how to put a skyline in the ceiling so we could fit the tree.

"Fine but don't expect me to get a wimpy Charlie Brown tree."

"How about we let Max pick out the tree as long as it's a reasonable size."

That excited me. Our son picking out the tree. It could be another yearly tradition!

"I love that idea Alexander. Let's get Max ready and head out."

Getting Max ready to go out was always Alec's job. That's not by my choice of course. I for one wouldn't mind getting my son ready to go out for a night on the town. Alec however, doesn't like the clothes I try to put him in.

I bought the cutest clothes for him that were all either fuzzy or full of sparkle. Alec says it's too flashy though and we don't want our son sticking out. That's just part of Alec's hate for having attention drawn to him. The less he has the better.

The fact that he even suggested we go out and get a tree was surprising. As he pointed out, he hates going into town and could have easily won me over with just the pajama's and movies. He's Alec though and likes to meet me half way. That's why he made the offer about the tree.

Once we were all ready I picked up Max and we left the flat in search for a Christmas tree. There was a lot in town that sold them at a pretty decent price. They were real but also had artificial ones as well. We don't know if Max is allergic to pine so we will have to make sure he's okay around it.

We got on the subway and I handed Max to Alec, letting him have a seat while I stood next to him, leaning on a window. There weren't enough seats for the three of us and Max gets antsy in the subway so it helps if he's sitting.

"We probably should have measured how high the ceiling is before leaving" Alec pointed out, thinking. I shrugged reaching down and grabbing one of Max's small hands. "I think Max will pick out the perfect tree. Won't you Max?"

Max looked up at me smiling saying "yeah papa."

My stomach fluttered with joy every time he called me that. It was still hard to believe that I was this boys dad. A few months ago I rejected him kicking and screaming. Now I can't imagine my life without him.

"Do you guys see that," a disgusted voice whispered from a across the way. I glanced back seeing a group of people our age staring at Alec and Max.

"Can you believe they actually gave that slut a baby? What is the world coming to these days," the voice from earlier asked.

The girl sitting next to him nodded, flinging her long blonde hair over her shoulder in a snooty fashion.

"That poor child would be better off anywhere else. He will be surrounded by drugs and sex all his life. Not the proper way for a child to grow up."

Another girl shrugged. "I doubt Magnus Bane would ever let that happen. Still, he can't babysit Alec all the time. I'm sure there are things he does behind Magnus's back. Can't trust anyone from downtown."

I clenched my fists not wanting to listen to their ridiculous words anymore. Why do people think it's okay to bring Alec down like that? It happens every time we go out, which is why it's so hard to convince Alec to go anywhere.

Glancing down at Alec, I could see he was holding Max close to his chest, shaking. Alec is always getting hurt and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I would curse everyone out but that's not what Alec wants. He just wants to be allowed to live his life.

Frowning, I got down on one knee and grabbed his hand, ignoring the fact that this subway floor was disgusting. Alec looked up at me, seeming surprised that I would risk getting my pants dirty.

"Don't listen to them Alexander. I know it's hard. They may be whispering but I know that to you, it feels like they are shouting. Nothing they said it true. You are a great guy and more than worthy to be with Max. Don't let anyone tell you you're not."

Alec looked into my eyes before looking down at Max who was looking up at him with wide, wondering eyes. Alec couldn't help but smile at our son and he placed a kiss on his cheek making Max giggle. I smiled happy that Alec was quick to recover and when our stop was announced I stood up. "let's go."

He nodded standing up and I put my arm around him, glaring at the gossipers as we walked by. They avoided eye contact with me, seeming embarrassed that I over heard them.

Once we were off the subway we climbed the stairs and we're immediately hit with the lights of time square. Max gasped looking around at all the bright colors before his attention was pulled to a huge tree all lit up in the middle of the square.

Alec seemed amazed as well. He hasn't seen New York all lit up in a few years. I'm pretty sure downtown never celebrated Christmas or any other holiday.

"What did you used to do for Christmas Alec" I asked, realizing that I've never asked him before.

He shrugged taking my hand while holding Max in his other arm. "It depends on what year it was. The first year I was working. You would be surprised how many customers come on Christmas… no pun intended."

I laughed at his horrible joke, pushing him slightly. "What was your second year like?"

He smiled slightly as he thought about it. "The second year I had enough money to at least have a small Christmas. I chose a tiny tree from a lot and decorated it with lights. Most of the lights didn't work but it was still perfect to me. I forced Sebastian to spend time with me that year but he was kicking and screaming while doing it. We attempted to make eggnog which turned out horrible since we were both pretty high. Most likely would have sucked even if we were sober. Anyway, we even exchanged gifts. Well, I gave him a gift. He gave me a really cool pocket watch but till the day he died, he refused to admit that he got it for me. Said he doesn't do gift giving and someone must have just left it under the tree. Totally believable I know" he said sarcastically.

When I first met Alec I would have never guessed that Sebastian Morgenstern was such an essential part of his life. He just seemed like the douchebag drug addict who was pushing Alec off the edge with him. He tried to get him to do meth for crying out loud!

All of Alec's stories of Downtown always evolve Sebastian somehow. He was important to Alec and I'm sure he wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for him.

Alec has seen some messed up shit while Downtown but something tells me Sebastian shielded him away from the really bad stuff.

"That Christmas sounds amazing… besides the being high part. You couldn't have taken the holiday off?"

He shrugged "addicts don't really take days off from that kind of thing."

We got to the tree lot and Max's eyes widened as he took it all in. There were trees of every shape and size but to him, I'm sure they were all just huge.

"You ready to pick out a tree blueberry?"

Blueberry was a nickname I came up with after I walked in on Max having blueberry sauce smeared all over his face. It took hours to clean since it dyed his skin blue.

He didn't answer me. He was too busy looking around at everything. Alec smiled, kissing the top of his head before walking onto the lot. I followed looking around at the trees as well.

Already I spotted many trees that would be perfect for our home. They were really big though and most likely wouldn't fit in the flat.

Max reached out for a tree as Alec walked passed it. Noticing this, Alec backed up and stopped by the tree smiling at Max. It was a little bit taller than me but to Max I'm sure it was enormous.

"This one seems to be in good shape. It's not too tall and the limbs seem to be strong. The bristles don't seem to fall off too bad either" Alec observed, walking around the tree. I followed him looking over the tree closely. It was hard to believe we found the perfect one so quickly but this really was it.

I looked at Max smiling. "What do you say blueberry? Is this our first family tree?"

Max clapped his hands excitedly saying "yeah, yeah!"

"You made a good choice" a salesman complimented when he walked up to us. He had to be in his early sixties and it was shocking that he worked here at all. "This tree is perfect for small spaces. You seem like a couple who live in an apartment."

I couldn't tell if that was an insult or just an observation. "We live in a flat but it's still pretty small. This tree is the perfect size for it. How much?"

He shook his head smiling at us. "For you it's free."

Alec and I both looked at each other shocked before looking back at him. "That's not necessary sir. We can pay" Alec tried to reason but the old man just shook his head.

"No it's alright. Consider it a thank you for before."

We both were beyond confused now. It must have been all over our faces because the old man started to laugh at us.

Once his laughing was out of the way he smiled sweetly at Alec. I noticed it made Alec blush slightly. Not that I blame him. It's not every day Alec gets looked at like that. It's usually looks of disgust around here.

"You don't remember me do you," he asked looking directly at Alec. He shook his head no. "No… I'm sorry, I can't say I do."

I could see the wheels in Alec's head turning, going through all his older customers to see if he was one of them.

"I'm old" the man stated bluntly, catching our attention once again. "I'm old and I tend to wonder without realizing it. One day I stumbled downtown and got completely lost. I was terrified and didn't know what to do. I couldn't even ask for directions in fear of getting mugged."

That was understandable especially for an old man.

"I was about to give up hope when I was found by a nice young man with black hair and blue eyes. He asked me if I was okay and took me to a small food place down the road. It was clear that he had almost no money but he spent what little he did have to get me something warm to eat. Once I was calmed down he helped me find my way back uptown. I offered for him to walk home with me and I'd pay him for the help but he just brushed it off and went on his way. That guy was you Alec."

Alec seemed shocked but I wasn't. That sounded exactly like something he would do. I have no doubt that it was him.

The shock was replaced with clarity as Alec smiled. "Oh yes, I do remember that. I'm happy to see you are doing well."

"Not as happy I am to see you doing so well. This tree doesn't make up for all you did for me but I'm hoping it will be a good start."

Alec put up his hands shaking his head no. "please, the tree is plenty. You don't need to do anything else for me. I just did what any normal person would do."

He smiled at us before calling over a much younger man to come help with the tree. He was gorgeous with tan dark skin like mine, green eyes and a husky build. He wore plaid which made him look like a lumberjack.

A very sexy lumberjack.

Alec must have thought the same thing because he used his hand to fan his hot face, even though it was freezing outside.

I smirked at him teasingly making him roll his eyes and shove me slightly.

"This is my son Grant. Grant, this is Alec Lightwood, the boy who helped me when I was lost downtown."

Grant smiled and it was so white it was almost blinding. Both Alec and I squinted a little from it.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you. My father and I went back downtown to find you in order to pay you back. We couldn't find you though so we had to give up. I'm so glad I finally get to say thank you."

He grabbed Alec's hand giving it a kiss and the speed Alec's face turned red was comical. It took everything I had not to laugh.

He let go of Alec's hand and smiled seeing Max. "Who is this little guy?"

"This is our son Max. We just adopted him a few months ago."

This excited Grant. "My husband and I are trying to adopt as well. May I hold him?"

The word husband made me feel disappointed. Alec felt the same way as his blush died down. It's not like either of us wanted to get together with him. It's just disappointing that someone managed to snatch such a fine man up.

Alec hesitated on letting him hold Max but to my surprise, he handed him over. Grant smiled happily at Max, cooing at him and tossing him gently up in the air making Max laugh.

We weren't the only ones fascinated by this man. Max seemed to like him as well. He clung onto his muscled arm and sadly, I felt a little jealous.

He was a natural with kids. If his husband was anything like him, they would make the perfect parents.

He handed Max back to us and the kid almost looked disappointed. I don't blame him. I wouldn't want to get out of his arms either.

"So you want this tree? I'll cut it down and strap it to my truck. It'll be at your place in less than an hour. Sound good?"

We both nodded and he flashed us one last smile before going to get the supplies he needs.

"Thank you for letting him hold your son. He and his husband have been having a lot of problems with the adoption process. Their case worker went missing and it's sent them far behind."

Alec stiffened at that and I frowned. "Sebastian Valrec was their case worker?"

He nodded "Did you know him?"

I nodded "yes he was our case worker as well. I'm surprised they are behind. We didn't fall behind when Sebastian went missing. In fact, the process went faster."

"Maybe they were in the beginning stages" Alec mumbled frowning.

The old man shook his head no. "They have been doing this for two years."

This shocked me. They have been trying to adopt for two years and they still haven't had a child? Alec and I got Max after a year. How could that be if people who have waited for two years haven't gotten through?

Maybe it was easier for us because of Max. Maybe because we had a child in mind, we skipped a bunch of steps?

"Well I hope it works out for them," I said grabbing Max from Alec. "We should get the flat ready for the tree."

The old man nodded and smiled, patting Alec on top of the head like he was a toddler. Compared to him, Alec pretty much was.

"It was great getting to see you again Alec. I never believed any of that stuff I read about you. Even if it is true, no one with a heart as big as yours could be bad."

Alec stared at him in silence not knowing what to say. I'm sure he was shocked by the compliment. No uptowners have shown him a shred of kindness since he got here. This must have been like a breath of fresh air for him.

I grabbed Alec's hand and thanked the old man once again before leading him out of the tree lot. He entwined our fingers as he stared off into space. I smiled slightly at him before losing the smile, thinking about grants adoption again.

When I think about it I get this tight feeling in my chest. Like if I dig too much into it, my whole world will come crashing down around me. I don't want the life Alec and I have made together to be taken away.

Not wanting to face the ignorant people of the subways again, I decided to get a taxi to drive us home. Alec complained about unnecessary expanses but when you're rich, who cares.

Then again, who knows how much longer I'll be rich. Portman pretty much trashed my fashion career. My store was gone and Fashion Week was out of the question. I'm going to have to find another job before I run out of money.

I rather be poor than sit by and watch someone harass the man I love.

To our surprise the moment we got home, Grant pulled up in his truck with the tree strapped on the back. He had a couple people with him to help him bring it inside.

It fit perfect by the window and he even gave us a box of lights to put on it. Alec tried to pay for them but of course, they were once again given to us for free.

"Come by the lot sometime you two. My husband and I would love to have dinner with you sometime."

I nodded loving the invitation. I have been dying to go out and have dinner with someone for forever but Alec never liked it. He seemed to like Grant though so maybe I could convince him to do it.

"Thanks for everything you've done tonight Grant" I said walking him and his friends to the door. He smiled at me, "no need to thank me. It's the least I can do for the guy who helped my father. I honestly can't repay you enough Alec."

Alec just waved his hand in a dismissive manner. "It's in the past. We are all even now. No more talk of debt."

Grant smiled one last time before leaving with the others. We watched him leave before Alec broke away from me and started untangling the lights in the box.

I smirked at him, thinking it would be fun to tease him a little bit.

"So… Grant was handsome."

"Was he," Alec asked dismissingly.

"Oh yes definitely. I'm pretty sure you were blushing over him" I teased, picking Max up off the floor.

He scoffed at my accusation but was blushing dark red. "I was not. Why would I be interested in someone like him? Muscles and a firm body? Ew gross."

That made me laugh and shake my head at him. "Well as long as you don't leave me to go running off with him."

Alec looked at me smiling slightly. "I will never leave you for anyone. Though if you asked me if I wanted to have a three-way with him I wouldn't have objected."

Now I was busting out laughing. "There's the downtown Alec I fell in love with. I never knew you were into that kind of thing."

Alec shoved the box of lights into my arms before taking Max. "Stop laughing and help me put these lights on the tree. I checked the TV guide and there is a Christmas special marathon on in an hour."

"Oh perfect. That gives us just enough time to decorate our tree. Do you want to see the tree all lit up Max?"

Max nodded excitedly, clapping his hands in delight. I kissed his cheek before getting started putting the lights on the tree. It was surprisingly hard to do by myself. Alec ended up having to put Max down and help me.

Once they were all on the tree I plugged them in and Max cried out in delight, standing up and walking up to the tree. He clapped his hands and bounced on his chubby legs smiling up at Alec and I.

"I take it you like them" I asked looking over the alternating colors. Max giggled in response and Alec grabbed the remote, turning on to TV.

"You go get Max in his pajamas. I'll get the hot chocolate ready."

Alec may have been a horrible cook but he made amazing hot chocolate.

"Sounds like a plan" I agreed, leaning in giving him a sweet kiss before picking up our son and taking him to his room to change.

I changed his diaper before picking out a pair of fuzzy pajamas that had a husky printed on it. He really liked wolfish dogs.

"Make sure to grab woofy so he can watch the movies with us" I said as I changed him into his PJ's. After I was finished, he ran over to his toddler bed and grabbed woofy by the paw, dragging him on the floor as he ran back over to me to grab my hand.

I grabbed his tiny hand before making our way back to the living room. Alec was still in the kitchen making the drinks so I scooped up Max and sat on the couch with him.

The beginning jingle of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer started and Max's eyes widened almost more than they did with the tree.

I always wanted to watch these kind of shows with my parents but they were always too busy. Instead, I would watch them in my room, in the dark and all curled up in my blanket.

Rudolph was suddenly cut off making Max whine slightly. I rubbed his head glaring at the breaking news report that showed up on the screen.

"Seriously? This is New York. What could have possibly happened that was important enough to cut off Christmas?"

A anchor woman held up some papers to read over. I had to roll my eyes at this. If they aren't even going to bother to put it on a teleprompter then why report it?

 _"Breaking news in a recent case here in New York City. A body was found deep in the woods."_

Footage of police surrounding a deep hole appeared on screen and they were using a drape to pull a body out of it.

 _"The body has been evaluated and the police believe it could possibly belong to a missing person by the name of Sebastian Valrec."_

That name made me stiffen in terror. Sebastian Valrec? No that can't be true. Sure, he went missing but he can't have been killed.

A small voice in the back of my head whispered _"you knew all along he was dead. You know who killed him."_

I shook my head of those thoughts, not wanting to except it. That voice was wrong. There was no way Alec would… he had no reason to.

The sound of crashing pulled me out of my head and I quickly turned around. Alec stood there with wide eyes, three mugs of hot chocolate now spilled and broken at his feet.

His entire body shook as he looked at the TV screen. The footage of a body being pulled out of a hole with Sebastian's picture next to it were showing.

I looked back at the TV before looking at Alec once again. The guilt was plain on his face.

That body belonged to Sebastian Valrec.

A worst thought came to mind but it couldn't be ignored any longer. I could see the truth in his terrified eyes.

Sebastian Valrec was murdered.

Alec was the one who killed him.

Alec Pov- My entire world was spinning. Everything was going so good a few moments ago but came crashing down in seconds.

Sebastian was found. The police found his body and I'm sure my DNA is all over him. They were going to find out I killed him. My happy life with Magnus and Max was over.

The thought of Magnus made me snap out of my shock and look at him. He was now standing in front of me, a serious look on his face.

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. What was I going to say? What could I say? I'm sure it's written all over my face that I'm guilty. He will put the puzzle pieces together and will take Max away.

Magnus was going to leave me and there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn't even bring myself to beg him not to go.

This was supposed to be a fun night where we make a family tradition. Now it's going to be my last happy memory with my family.

Magnus moved away from me, grabbing my cellphone off the coffee table. I watched confused as he went into our bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Max started to cry and I quickly ran up to him scooping him in my arms and rocking him gently.

"It's okay Max. Everything is going to be okay."

Max kept crying, not trusting my words. Hell, I didn't even trust my own words. I had no guarantee that everything was going to be okay. For all I knew, Magnus's could be calling the police to come take me away and this could be the last time I ever hold my son.

With that horrifying thought in mind, I held Max as tight as possible without hurting him.

This is just crazy. Magnus would never call the police on me. At least, I would like to think he wouldn't. What if he does? What if this was the last straw and I ruined my life for good this time?

Max eventually stopped crying but Magnus wasn't coming out of the room. An hour passed and he was still locked up in there with my cellphone.

I wanted to knock on the door and ask him to talk to me but couldn't find the words. What do you say when you murder your case worker in cold blood and then hide it for months.

Damn it! I promised Magnus that there weren't anymore secrets between us. Why didn't I tell him when I had the chance?

The bedroom door opened and Magnus came out carrying packed suitcases. Panicking I ran up to him and flung my arms around his neck, hiding my face in his chest.

"Magnus I'm sorry! Please don't leave me! I know I did something unforgivable but it was for a good reason! We would have never been able to be happy as long as he lived! I can explain everything if you just give me the chance!"

Magnus silently untangled my arms from around his neck before handing me the suitcases.

"I packed all your stuff but you might want to make sure I didn't forget anything. I couldn't pack all my stuff at short notice so it took me a while to figure out what I wanted to take. Can you see if there is anything else we need while I go pack Max's stuff."

I looked down at the suitcases before looking up at him confused. "Magnus I don't understand. Aren't you leaving me?"

"We have ten minutes before the car gets here" was all he said before going to Max's room.

I was beyond confused now. What car was coming? Where were we going?

Max looked up at me from the floor, also seeming confused. I picked him up before searching the house for things we might want to take with us.

Magnus got all of Max's things ready and picked them up along with our bags.

"Does Max have woofy?"

I nodded finishing putting Max's coat on him before handing him his stuffed wolf.

Magnus got one last look at the Christmas tree, frowning at it before pulling out the plug and turning off the lights. He walked out of the flat and I followed him, not knowing what else to do.

We got outside and sure enough, a black car was waiting for us. It was one of Raphael's cars.

I looked up at Magnus shocked. "You called Raphael?"

He nodded handing our bags to the driver before opening the back door for me. "I don't have the power to protect you from this Alec. Raphael does. He says he's going to help us."

"Magnus I don't understand. Why aren't you yelling at me? Why aren't you demanding an explanation?"

He frowned at my question. "I'm still processing all this Alec. Please just get in the car. The faster we get Raphael's help, the better."

I frowned but nodded, handing Max to him before getting in the car. Magnus put him in a car seat that was inside before getting in the car as well.

The drive to downtown was deadly silent. I wanted to ask Magnus questions but he said he needed time to process everything. The least I can do is stay quiet and let him do that.

"Why did you do it" he finally asked, his face turned away from me. He was looking out the window and I could see his sad expression in his reflection. It makes my heart break knowing I hurt him.

I looked down at my hands in my lap, clenching and unclenching them nervously.

"I remembered that Sebastian Valrec was the man who raped me."

Magnus's head turned toward me so fast, it would have been funny in any other situation. There was nothing humorous about this.

"What do you mean? When did you find this out?"

I rubbed my arm frowning. "It was the day we had our playdate with Max. You left to take a call and he said something similar to what the guy who raped me said. I confronted him about it and he admitted to it. He said that I didn't deserve to be happy and that as long as he was around we would never get Max."

Magnus stared at me for a moment before asking "So you killed him to get Max?"

"No! Well… it didn't start out that way. I didn't know what to do so I asked Raphael for help. I know you told me to stay away from him but I was desperate. We arranged a dinner with Sebastian and I drugged him, took him to the woods, and tried to scare him into giving me what I wanted. It all got out of control and I ended up shooting him."

"Why didn't you come to me? Why am I always the last person to know when something is hurting you? You didn't tell me about Portman, you didn't tell me right away that the drugs I found in your jeans were Jems, and now this stuff with Sebastian is going on. I know I've done a lot to make you not trust me but… but I thought I gained your trust back."

"Magnus I do trust you. I trust you more than anyone else in the world. I was just trying to keep you from all my drama."

Magnus frowned at me before looking ahead at Max, who fell asleep in the car seat.

"Your drama is my drama Alec. We are supposed to carry each other's weight. If this relationship is going to work then we need to rely on each other. I love you. Don't you love me?"

"Of course I love you!"

"Then act like it. Swear to me that from this moment onward there will be no secrets between us. Swear that we will always go to each other for help before anyone else. Promise me Alec."

I grabbed his hand clenching it tight. "I swear it on my life Magnus. It's you, me and Max. We are a team and always will be."

The car stopped and the driver announced we were at Raphael's. Magnus closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before leaning over and kissing me on the cheek.

"Let's go" he said before getting out of the car. I took a couple breaths as well before getting Max out of the car seat and getting out of the car too.

Magnus and I held hands as we made our way down the hallway. People glanced at us as we walked by but they didn't talk to us or bow to me like before. Raphael must have informed them to leave us alone.

"I've never been here before. I'm not going to see any dead bodies am I?"

This made me roll my eyes but felt relieved that he was already making jokes. Even if they were bad ones.

"No Magnus, you won't find any dead bodies here… I think."

"Don't even joke like that Alec" he groaned, making me smile slightly.

We walked in Raphael's office and he was sitting on his desk with a briefcase lying next to him.

"I was surprised to get a call from you Magnus. Especially from Alec's phone."

I walked up to his desk frowning. "I'm sure you've seen the news by now. They found Sebastian's body. I'm sure they found the gun too. It has my finger prints all over it."

Raphael nodded getting off his desk and pulling the suitcase closer. "It's alright though because I've been preparing for this day just incase. You have nothing to worry about Alec."

He pulled out a couple cards and held them out to us. Magnus and I each took one and I was shocked to see my picture on it but not my name. Instead it had the name 'Alan Fox.'

I looked over at the one Magnus was holding, seeing it said 'Miguel Fox.'

"What are these" I asked confused.

Raphael smiled pulling out some paper work and birth certificates. "These are going to be your new personas. Consider it to be like the witness protection program. You're going to leave New York and start new lives somewhere else."

I was shocked but Magnus didn't seemed surprised. He and Raphael had this conversation over the phone.

I looked over the ID's again before turning to Magnus. "Do you really want to do this? Our whole lives are here."

He nodded. "Alec you aren't happy here in New York. No one will know who we are outside of this city. Our parents names don't reach out that far. We can go somewhere new and start over again. You can get a job and make new friends. You can have a real life."

"Can we really do this? Police are going to be looking for me. We will have to keep running away when even a little bit of suspicion comes our way. Can you live like that? Can we really let Max live like that?"

Magnus put his hands on my shoulders looking deep in my eyes. His face was completely serious as he said "I swore that I would be with you no matter what. We will keep Max safe and give him as much of a normal life as possible. We can do this Alec. I can't live a life without you."

I smiled slightly "I can't live my life without you either."

He smiled and held up a piece of paper "this here is the marriage certificate of Alan and Miguel. In our new lives we will technically be married."

I took the certificate smiling slightly. The thought of being married to Magnus was amazing. That's the thing though. I wanted to be married to Magnus.

As if reading my mind Magnus held up another paper. "We are going to give up our lives in a few minutes. I'm okay with doing that. However, I want the last thing I do as Magnus Bane, to be marrying the man of my dreams. That's you Alexander Lightwood."

His words made tears form in my eyes. I thought Magnus was going to leave me but instead he was standing here wanting to marry me.

"Really? You really want to marry me? Even with all the problems we have together?"

He shrugged smiling. "Those problems are what makes us, us. We have both made mistakes but I think they will make us stronger going forward. I want to say that I'm married to Alec Lightwood. Even if we are the only ones who know it."

I smiled putting down the paper and grabbing both of his hands. "I want that too. I want to be married to you Magnus."

Raphael smiled looking between us. "I'm actually qualified to perform the ceremony. We can do it right now if you want. It would have to be soon. The quicker you leave New York, the better."

Magnus nodded looking over at Max who was in Simons arms. "Let's become a real family."

 **A/N: I feel like this chapter was all over the place but I always think that so it's nothing new. I said there were two more chapters left but I might have to add one more. I don't know for sure.**

 **I got started writing the new story that will take the place of this one and I have to say I'm really excited about it. It's happy for once! (There will be drama of course though because, well come on. You all know me by now. I can't help myself)**

 **Details of the next story will be announced in the final chapter before the** **eqilogue.**


	15. Complicated Confrontation

A/N: thanks kemiRD for pointing out the plot hole. It has been fixed. Don't worry i wasn't offended.

It's Still Complicated: Chapter fifteen- Complicated Confrontation.

Five Years Later

Alec Pov- "You're Alan Fox right," An unfamiliar voice asked from above me. I looked up from my gardening work, seeing a handsome man with sun kissed skin and light brown hair standing in front of me.

Quickly standing up, I take off my gardening gloves, forcing a smile on my face. Even after five years I wasn't used to people calling me by that fake name.

"Yes I am. Is there something I can do for you?"

He shook his head turning around and pointing to the small farm a mile away. "I just moved in next door and thought I would introduce myself. The owner of this land also owns mine. He told me about you and your husband."

He turned back to me holding out his hand. "My name is Travis Jacobs. It's a pleasure to meet you."

I glanced down at his hand hesitantly before grabbing it and giving it a weak shake. It was still weird interacting with people and not having them look at me like I was trash.

Raphael sent us to the small country side of Ohio. I wanted to live in a city like Toledo or Columbus but he thought it would be better for us to live in the country. So now we lived on a small farm in the middle of Hamilton Ohio.

"We've never had a neighbor around here before. I was starting to think we never would. Where are you from?"

He shrugs taking his hand back and putting them in his dirty Jean pockets. From the state of his clothes I could tell that he actually was a farmer.

"I'm from Colorado. My mother lives in the area and she's getting older. Figured I should move closer to her to keep an eye on her."

I smiled thinking that was nice of him to do. "Well your mother is lucky to have you."

The sound of the front screen door shutting caught my attention and I turned, seeing Magnus walking up to us.

Travis smiled at him. "You must be Miguel. I'm your new neighbor Travis. It's nice to meet you."

Magnus smiled shaking his hand before taking it away and wrapping his arm around my waist. He was always on edge when we talked to strangers. They could be a possible threat to us.

"Do you have a family living with you Travis," Magnus asked keeping up the smile.

He shook his head no. "Sadly not. Not all of us are lucky enough to be married to the man of our dreams."

That surprised me. "You're gay" I asked before mentally facepalming myself.

"I'm sorry, that was incredibly rude."

He laughed shaking his head. "Don't worry about it. Yeah, I am gay but I don't have a boyfriend anymore."

"Anymore? May I ask what happened" Magnus snooped making me elbow him in the side.

Travis's smile fell slightly. "Oh, well… my boyfriend was in the wrong place at the wrong time and was killed."

Magnus and I glanced at each other before frowning at him. "I'm sorry for making you talk about it."

He shook his head smiling again. "It happened awhile ago. You never really get over it but you learn to take it one day at a time."

We both nodded in understanding and Travis pulled his hands out of his pockets, turning away from us.

"Well I should head back to my place. Got a lot of unpacking to do. Hopefully we can have dinner together sometime or sit around the fire pit."

That's right. Being neighborly is something country people do. I don't think I will ever get used to that.

"Yes that sounds great. We will have to plan something" Magnus answered for us.

Travis gave us one more smile before walking away, heading toward his house. We watched him go before I squatted back on the ground, going back to gathering some fresh vegetables.

"That was weird."

Magnus smiled down at me, crossing his arms. "That's called being neighborly."

"If someone came up to me like that Downtown, I would have assumed that he was trying to rob me."

Magnus rolled his eyes but the smile didn't fall from his face.

"That's New York, Alexander. This is Ohio."

"Crime happens in Ohio too, Magnus."

Magnus shrugged smiling. "Speaking of crime, according to your son, you are committing one right now. He saw you going for the veggies so he made a run for it."

Sighing, I picked up the bowl of vegetables and stood up. "So I'm going to have to find him?"

Magnus nodded taking the bowl from me and kissing my cheek. "I would start with the toy box. He seems to be favoring that spot lately.

I nodded going inside with him sighing. We went to the kitchen and I smiled at what I saw.

"Well, at least one of my son's came to lunch."

The seven year old boy sitting at the table looked up at me silently. His tan dark skin dirty from playing outside and his black hair scruffy and sticking up at different ends.

"Rafael Lightwood-Bane, what did I say about cleaning up before sitting at the table? You can't eat with dirt on your hands silly."

He looked down at his dirt caked hands before standing up and heading to the bathroom to wash them.

"I'll go help him" Magnus offered, following him.

I watched them shaking my head smiling.

It's been three years since Magnus and I 'adopted' Rafael. We found him when we went into town to do some shopping. Magnus and Max went into a candy store and I wandered around waiting for them. Whimpering came from the alley close by and when I went to investigate, there was a dirty child crying on the ground.

Once Magnus came out of the store I pulled him to the kid. We asked him where his parents were and he told us that he didn't have any parents.

Not able to just leave a child to starve on the street, I begged Magnus to let him come home with us. To my surprise, Magnus didn't fight me this time.

We were fugitives on the run. There was no properly adopting him this time. So we kept him and named him Rafael.

"That's one son, now where is the other" I asked looking around.

Taking Magnus's advice, I made my way to the play room and walked right up to the toy chest. I opened it and the blue eyes of my five year old looked up at me.

He smiled sheepishly and I shook my head before picking him up and carrying him to the kitchen.

"You may want to rethink your hiding spots little man."

Max struggled in my arms whining. "Daddy no! I don't want to eat the yucky green stuff."

I sat him in his booster seat before strapping him in. "Max you need to have some greens in your diet. What kind of dad would I be if I let you eat nothing but dinosaur nuggets all the time?"

"A good one" he mumbled making me laugh.

Rafael came back holding his hands up to show me they were clean. I looked them over before giving him a thumbs up and helping him into his seat.

Magnus grabbed the plate of grilled cheese off the counter and set it on the table. "Do you boys want to go to the store with me today?"

Max's eyes glowed with excitement. He loved going into town because most of the time, he came back with a new toy or snack. Magnus spoils the boys every chance he gets.

"I wanna go with papa!"

"You can only go if you eat your carrots" I called over my shoulder, before getting started chopping a carrot into slices.

"I don't want carrots" he whined crossing his arms with a pout.

I looked back at him. "You said you wouldn't eat greens. Carrots are orange so that means you will eat them."

"Can't I just have blueberries with my lunch?"

This made Magnus laugh. "All you ever eat is blueberries. If you eat any more of them your skin will turn blue."

Max's eyes widened in shock.

"Really?"

"No Max, don't take what Papa says seriously. He is just messing with you."

Max pouted, seeming disappointed that he wouldn't be turning blue.

I have a weird child but I love him more than anything.

"Can I have some broccoli instead of carrots" Rafael asked watching me. I nodded handing the bowl of broccoli to Magnus, who set it on the table in front of our eldest son.

Once the carrots were all sliced, I placed some on Max's plate before putting it in front of him on the table.

"Eat."

Max grumbled but grabbed his spoon, scooping up some carrots and putting them in his mouth. The look of dread on his face as he chewed was priceless.

"Thank you" I said sitting down and putting some of the salad I made for Magnus and I, on my plate.

"For someone who is bad at cooking you sure found your calling in farming, Alec. Everything you made this year has been delicious."

I swiped my hand dismissively at his compliment but smiled nonetheless. The first year I tried farming went just as well as my cooking goes.

All the fruit and vegetables shriveled up and were no where near edible. I was determined to get better though so I bought some books and some good fertilizer. After two years of trying, my food finally came out somewhat normal.

This is the first year it's actually been great. Magnus thinks I should try to sell them in town but I wouldn't dare. There were four farms that sold their goods in town and that was a cut throat business. If I tried to get in on that, a brick most likely would be thrown through my window.

"So what are you getting in town" I asked watching the boys eat. Max was picking at his carrots while Rafael was trying to pull the crust off his grilled cheese. I took the sandwich from him and took off the crust for him.

"We need to stock up on groceries. I'm also running out of eyeshadow. If I run out of makeup then I can't leave the house. There is no way I'm letting these people see me without it."

"You look just fine without makeup Magnus. If you lock yourself in the house then how will we make any money? You have to go to work at some point."

Raphael was able to get Magnus a job at a small news paper article in town. It was a reliable place that always told truthful news so Magnus was happy to accept it. Who would have thought he would be back to working for a paper after all that stuff that happened with Circle Inc.

"I can write news articles from home" he pointed out. His boss liked it better when his workers were all in one room together brainstorming off one another. So him staying home was not an option.

"Fine, go get your precious makeup. I just hope you know that you are beautiful without it."

This made Magnus smile and he leaned across the table to give me a kiss. I met him half way kissing him back and the kids put their hands over their eyes not wanting to watch us.

After lunch I got up and took all the dishes to the sink lost in thought. Magnus shooed the kids to go get ready for the store before looking at me with his arms crossed.

"Okay, tell me what's on your mind."

I looked at him over my shoulder. "Nothing is on my mind."

"Oh please Alexander, I know you better than that. Tell me what you're thinking about."

I frowned staring at him a little longer before looking out the kitchen window. "I just feel like I'm never going to be better."

Magnus frowned quickly walking up to me and putting his hand on my shoulder.

"What do you mean by better? Is it your drug addiction? Are you starting to want to get high again?"

I shook my head no frowning. "This has nothing to do with my drug addiction Magnus. I've already overcome that. Besides the occasional withdrawal, I'm okay on that front."

Magnus just seemed confused now. "Then what are you talking about?"

I turned around leaning my back against the sink and crossing my arms over my chest.

"Our new neighbor seems like a nice guy. The normal thing to do is invite him to dinner and be neighborly with each other. The thought of doing that terrifies me though. I have such little trust in people and I don't know if I will ever get over it."

Magnus put his hand on my shoulder frowning. "Alec, you have been betrayed by almost everyone you have ever known. Your parents, your siblings… me. Even Jonathan hurt you when he took his own life. I don't expect you to be able to trust anyone that easily."

"Well I want to change that. If I don't start taking steps to trust people now, then I won't be able to handle it when we have to send our kids to school or when they start dating."

"They are five and seven Alec. They won't be dating for a long while."

"Even so I want to make the effort. We should invite Travis over for dinner tonight. I doubt he has food in his house yet."

Magnus raised a questioning eyebrow at me. "Are you sure? We don't have to rush into anything. We just met him after all."

I shook my head no. "If we don't do it now then I won't want to ever do it.

Magnus nodded "then I will go over and invite him before we go to the store." I nodded and thanked him before going back to cleaning the dishes.

Magnus Pov- "Do you boys remember the rules for when we are around strangers" I asked walking the distance between our house and Travis's house with my son's.

Rafael looked up at me, holding my hand. "Your name is Miguel and daddy's name is Allen?"

I nodded stopping in front of Travis's door. "That's right. I'll do all the talking okay?"

Max nodded seeming excited about having someone over but Rafael was hesitant. He trusted people just as much as Alec does. It took him a month to stop hiding from us when he first came to live with us. It took him a year to even speak.

"What's on your mind Rafe?"

He shrugged his little shoulders, looking down at his feet. "Do we have to have this man at our house?"

I frowned crouching down to his level. "We don't have to but having him over will help your dad get to know more people. If you don't want him to come over then we won't have him over."

He glanced from me to the front door multiple times before crossing his arms over his body protectively.

"It's okay since it's for daddy."

I scrunched up his hair with my hand before standing up and knocking on the door.

Travis answered looking surprised to see me. I wouldn't blame him. Alec and I act nice but I know we have an air of 'stay away from us'. People usually don't try to talk to us longer then they have to.

"Hello Miguel. I didn't expect to get a visit from you so soon. What can I do for you?"

I put on an award winning smile, pushing aside my natural instinct to walk away and keep strangers away from Alec.

"Allen thought it would be a good idea to invite you to dinner tonight. He figured you didn't have any food yet."

"He would be right" Travis said nodding. "I haven't had the chance to go grocery shopping. The plan was to order out for tonight and go tomorrow."

"Allen and I made that mistake too when we first moved here. We learned the hard way that no one delivers out this far. If you want to order something, you have to go into town and get it."

He made a face of annoyance and I had to hold back a chuckle because Alec made the same face when he found out about it.

"You should come to dinner then. It beats having to drive all the way to town to get food that will be cold by time you get it home."

Travis thought for a moment before nodding smiling sweetly.

"Dinner with all of you sounds fun. What time should I be over?"

I looked at my wrist watch seeing that it was already four.

"I have to go into town to get groceries. Dinner should be ready around six. Does that time seem reasonable?"

He nodded, "It sounds perfect."

"Great, then we will see you tonight at six. Come on boys, let's go."

I led the boys off the porch and Max cheered, happy to finally be going to the store.

"I want Cheese Puffs for dinner" Max announced, holding up a bag of chips. He was sitting in the child seat of the cart but he always manage to grab things off the shelves somehow.

"We can't eat Cheese Puffs for dinner Max. Your dad would kill me if I even suggested such a thing."

I decided stake and potatoes would be a good dish. It would be too chewy for the kids though so I can get them little kid entrees.

"Can I have Cheese Puffs with dinner" he asked, giving me big sad blue puppy dog eyes.

"I don't see a problem with that. Just make sure to actually eat your real dinner."

I put the chips in the cart before looking at Rafael. "Is there anything special you want?"

He shook his head no, putting his hands in his pockets and looking around. Sighing, I ran my hand through my hair wondering what I have to do to get through to him.

Rafael never asks for anything. Alec and I could spend hours holding things out to him, asking if he wants it and he will always shake his head no and say he doesn't need anything.

Max was the total opposite. He was spoiled and expected to get things when he asked for them. He could learn a thing or two from his brother.

"Well if Rafe doesn't want anything then it looks like we have everything we need. Let's check out okay?"

They nodded and we all went to the check out line to pay for our stuff. This town is small and everyone knows everyone. Because of this, I always get the same cashier who does nothing but talk.

She's a young girl around the age of eighteen. Alec thinks she has a crush on me because she is a never ending fountain of words when I'm here but when Alec goes shopping she barely says a word to him.

I honestly wish it was the other way around. This girl talks too much.

"Good afternoon Miguel! Here with the kids again?"

I nodded putting my food on the counter for she can scan them.

"Yep, they wanted to come into town."

She smiled and started going into a long winded discussion about how she loves kids and if I ever need a baby sitter I should call her. Which I've learned is code for 'you should leave your husband and marry me instead. I will love your children too.'

"Allen and I don't really make it a habit of leaving our children with people. Though I'm pretty sure I've told you that already. Multiple times in fact."

She stopped scanning my stuff, putting her hands on her hips disapprovingly. This made me sigh in annoyance. I would already be in the car and on the way home if I didn't have to talk to her.

"You're telling me that you and Allen never have a date night? You never come into town for dinner or some alone time."

I shook my head, resisting the urge to yell at her to hurry this up.

"We aren't that kind of couple."

That wasn't true. Alec and I would love to have a date night alone but we don't trust strangers to be around the kids. Alec doesn't trust people in general and I fear that Max will let something slip in his excitement.

"You know, they say that if couples don't go on dates, it means they are on the verge of a break up or divorce."

I clenched my jaw, getting tired of this conversation. Every talk with her always ended with divorce. She should know that there is no hope for us to be together. I love Alec and even if I didn't, this girl was eighteen and I'm twenty-seven.

God… I'm getting old.

"Papa let's go" Max whined getting tired of sitting there doing nothing.

I nodded before looking at the cashier. "I don't mean to rush you but Allen and I have a guest coming for dinner and I need to get home to make it."

She seemed disappointed but scanned the rest of my stuff without a word. I sighed with relief before looking down at Rafael.

My heart dropped to my stomach when I noticed that he wasn't standing next to me. I looked around in a panic but relaxed when I saw him a little ways away looking at a wall of papers.

I quickly grabbed my bags, put them in the cart, and paid for it before rushing over to him.

"Rafael, you can't just run off like that. You have to tell me if there's something you want to look at."

Rafael didn't answer. He wouldn't take his eyes off of the wall. This irritated me slightly.

"What could possibly be so interesting about this… wall…"

My entire body froze over as I looked at the wall. There were a bunch of papers with pictures on them covering it. A wall full of wanted posters.

There smack dab in the middle was Alec's face looking back at me. It was an old picture that I used in a Circle Inc. article. Under the picture were the words:

 **Alec Lightwood wanted for murder.**

I quickly tore the paper off the wall, glancing around to see if anyone noticed. Rafael looked up at me frowning.

"Are we in trouble?"

I shook my head folding the paper up and putting it in my pocket.

"You don't have to worry about this Rafe. Daddy and I will handle it."

Rafael didn't look convinced. "Are we moving?"

I informed the kids awhile ago that there will always be the chance that we have to move away suddenly. We all have bags packed incase of an emergency.

"I'm not sure Rafe. I'll talk to Daddy about all this when we get home."

With that we quickly left the store and put everything in the car. It took everything I had not to speed home. The last thing I needed was police pulling me over.

The moment I walked into the house Alec knew there was something up. I'm sure the panic was written all over my face.

He had the kids go into the play room before he grabbed the groceries from me and started putting them away.

"What happened? You look like you've seen a ghost."

I pulled the paper out of my pocket unfolding it.

"We have a problem. Rafael found this while we were at the store."

I held it out to him and he took it, looking it over. The moment he knew what it was, his face paled to a dangerous level.

He swallowed hard before putting the paper on the table and walking into the living room. Frowning, I followed him wondering what he was doing.

He sat on the couch and grabbed the laptop, typing on the keys for a few minutes before pulling up a video. I sat next to him watching it with him. It seemed to be from the New York News.

Alec pushed play and the first thing we saw was police surrounding a hole in the middle of the woods. They were using a harness to bring something wrapped in a tarp out of the hole.

"This is from when they found his body" Alec said softly, his voice shaking slightly.

I put my arm around him frowning, not knowing what else to do.

Alec turned the volume up and we listened closely to what they were saying.

 _'Five years ago_ _the body of Twenty-four year old Sebastian Valrec was found in a hole deep in the woods outside of New York_ City.

The video changed to a picture of Alec, making both of us tense up.

 _'After years of examination, DNA of one of his clients was found on his arms. The gun buried along with him also had the clients fingerprints all over it._

 _This clients name is Alexander Lightwood. He and his boyfriend Magnus Bane were in the process of adopting a baby from Sebastian when he went missing. Friends of Sebastian suspect that the adoption was going bad and Lightwood killed him in order to get the child.'_

Another picture appeared next to Alec's. My body stiffened more seeing it was a picture of me and Max.

 _'Alexander seems to have fled New York with his partner Magnus Bane and the adopted child they named Max Lightwood-Bane. No one has seen or heard anything from them in the last five years.'_

Alec closed the laptop, not wanting to watch anymore. His hand was shaking on top of it and I quickly grabbed it, holding it tight.

"It's going to be okay Alexander."

"How is this okay? Our kids are in danger now and it's all my fault. They know I killed him Magnus. They will find us and I will be arrested for murder and you will be arrested for helping a fugitive. We promised Rafael that he would never lose his family again."

"He won't lose us Alec. I'm going to call Raphael Santiago and see what he wants us to do. I'm shocked that he hasn't already contacted us."

"It is weird that he didn't tell us about this" he agreed.

I nodded standing up and going into another room, pulling out my cellphone. I hit Raphael's number on speed dial and put the phone to my ear waiting.

He answered on the first ring.

"What can I do for you Magnus?"

"I take it you know about all the stuff going on in New York right now with Sebastian? I found a wanted poster of Alec at the store today. It's already spread all over the country."

"I'm aware. I was hoping you would be safe where you were and I didn't want to worry you for nothing. It seems I was wrong."

"Yes you were. What should we do? I'm sure there are more of those wanted posters around town. It's only a matter of time before someone realizes that Allen is Alec."

"I'm in the process of having you sent out of the country. That takes longer than sending you to another state. I suggest you keep living life as normal until I get everything settled."

"What if someone finds out about us before then" I asked, my anxiety flaring up even more.

"If that happens call me immediately and I will get you out of there as fast as I can."

I frowned thinking that it would be hard to call him from jail but I didn't say it out loud.

"It will take a me a couple days to get all the paperwork in order. Please hang on until then" he said before hanging up.

I sighed, putting my phone away and heading back to the living room. Alec was pacing the floor biting his nails nervously.

"I thought you broke your nail biting habit."

He stopped pacing, looking at me. "What does he want us to do?"

I moved over to the couch sitting down and running my hand through my face. "He wants us to stay put until he gets all his paper work in order. I guess we are moving out of the country."

Alec nodded hugging himself and rubbing his arms. "Magnus, I'm terrified."

Frowning, I got up and pulled his hands off of himself, entwining our fingers as I held his hands.

"We will get through this Alec. We just have to act like everything is normal. We don't want the kids to think something is wrong. Rafael is a smart kid. He will be able to tell if we are stressed out."

Alec nodded closing his eyes and taking a couple breaths.

"We should cancel dinner with Travis. We're all going to be on edge and he will figure something is up. I don't want to risk it."

I thought about that for a minute before shaking my head no. "It may seem more obvious to the kids that something is wrong. We should just have him over and act like nothing is wrong."

"Acting like nothing's wrong has never been my strong suit," Alec mumbled looking down.

The doorbell rang and we both looked at the door before I looked back at him. "It's too late to change our mind now. Can you please answer the door. I need to get dinner ready?"

He looked like answering the door was the last thing he wanted to do, but he went and did it anyway. I watched him closely before going to the kitchen to get dinner ready.

Travis and Alec walked into the kitchen a few minutes later and Travis smelled the air with a smile.

"Wow, those stakes are smelling good. You didn't have to make such a big dinner for me."

I shrugged leaning against the counter, forcing a smile on my face. "Stake and potatoes aren't too big of a dish."

Alec made his way to the wine cabinet pulling out three glasses and a big bottle of wine. He filled the first two glasses half way before filling the last one up all the way and picking it up, chugging it.

Travis looked at him confused before looking at me. I smiled sheepishly at him before looking at Alec. "Not too much dear, you know how you get when you have a lot of wine."

I took the glass from Alec making him actually pout at me. Alec rarely ever pouts so it was really cute.

"How about you both go into the living room? Dinner will be done in twenty minutes."

Alec took his glass back from me before heading to the living room. Travis watched him before grabbing his glass and following him.

My cellphone started ringing making me sigh and get it out of my pocket. A part of me hoped it was Raphael saying he changed his mind. That wasn't the case though as my works collar ID appeared.

Alec Pov- "Have you always lived in Ohio, Allen? I get the feeling you are from the city. There's a lot of city aspects to your home," Travis said looking around the living room décor.

"It's true Miguel and I are from the city. We used to live in Chicago before moving here. It was a big change to adjust to."

"Really? I would have guessed New York. I can see you being from Chicago though."

The mention of New York made my body tense up. I'm hoping that he didn't notice. Nothing in his face changed so I guess he didn't.

"I've never even been to New York. I hear it's a great place to live though."

"Is dinner ready yet daddy" Max asked running out of the toy room with Rafael. Magnus came out of the kitchen hanging up his phone.

"I just got your dinners out of the microwave. They are sitting on the table for you. Rafe, can you help your brother if he makes a mess?"

He nodded grabbing Max's hand and leading him to the dining room. I watched them go before looking at Magnus.

"Who was on the phone?"

Magnus frowned slightly. "It was my boss. We got breaking news at the paper and he wants us to come brainstorm with him. He's calling an all hands on deck night."

I frowned not liking that at all. With the stress of finding out they found Sebastian's body, and me being the main suspect, the last thing I want is to be alone with our new neighbor.

"Oh well should we reschedule our dinner" Travis asked looking between us.

I wanted to tell him to go home but the whole point in this was to get better at being around people. Magnus shouldn't be gone too long so maybe it wouldn't be too bad for Travis to stay. I'll just stress myself out if I was here alone with the kids.

"There's no need for that. I'm sure Miguel will only be gone for about an hour or so. We will wait for him and if it gets too late we will just eat dinner without him."

Magnus seemed surprised by my choice. He grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side whispering, "are you sure you want to do that?"

"You said so yourself that we need to look like everything is okay for Rafael. You always go in when your boss calls so Rafe will think it's weird if you don't. Travis seems harmless so I don't see the harm in him being here. You just go to work and come back as soon as you can."

He hesitated for a moment before nodding and kissing me. "I'll try to make it quick."

I nodded kissing him again before letting go of his hand. Magnus smiled at me before going to tell the boys he was heading to work.

I watched him go before looking at Travis silently. He smiled at me before pulling out his cellphone, checking a text message. His phone was the same kind as mine, which I found interesting since Rafael gave me the phone and it was really expensive. I'm shocked a small time farmer could afford it.

"How about we have more wine" he asked sitting on the couch. I nodded going into the kitchen and grabbing the bottle. Magnus's keys were missing from the hook so he must have left already.

Sighing I went back to the living room and sat on the couch with Travis, setting the wine bottle on the coffee table.

Travis put his phone on the table before grabbing his glass again. "So where does Magnus work?"

"For the newspaper in town. They are the only one so the reporters get called in whenever the boss needs them. It could be anytime of the day or night."

He nodded seeming thoughtful before putting his wine glass down. "Is it alright if I use your bathroom?"

I took a sip of my wine before nodding. "Of course. It's on the second door on the right."

He nodded before making his way down the hall. I sighed leaning against the back of the couch and running my hand through my hair.

This was hopeless. I should have just had Travis go home. There are way too many things spinning around in my head to focus on entertaining a house guest.

"Maybe I should just ask him to leave" I mumbled, putting my glass back on the table.

Magnus said that Raphael was making plans for us to leave the country. I wish I could talk to him right now. I need to know what direction he expects us to go in.

It wouldn't hurt to send him a quick text, right?

With that thought in mind I reached out and took my phone from the coffee table. I swiped the screen for the lock screen would appear but my usual picture of Magnus and our boys didn't show up.

My body stiffened in fear at the picture I saw in it's place. This wasn't my phone. This was Travis's phone, and the screen was a picture of him and a man kissing.

That man was Sebastian Valrec.

My mind went a mile per minute, trying to pick out any obvious clues. Travis said he lost his partner. He said he was killed years ago. I'm the one who killed him.

I didn't even know Sebastian had a lover! He left the restaurant thinking he was going to have sex with me for goodness sake!

One last memory hit me like a ton of bricks. How had I not noticed when he asked the first time?

He asked 'where does Magnus work?'

He used Magnus's real name and I didn't even notice!

I dropped Travis's phone, quickly going to grab my own and call Magnus but the sound of a click stopped me.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you Lightwood."

I closed my eyes, taking a moment to calm myself before slowly turning around to look behind me. All my calm left me however when I saw Travis holding a gun to Rafael's head.

"How about we get the real party started?"


	16. The Final Complication

Final chapter! Hope you like it! Thanks for following this story for so long!

It's Still Complicated Chapter Sixteen: The Final Complication.

Alec Pov- I slowly held my hands up so Travis wouldn't do anything crazy while having a gun to Rafael's head. Rafael kept a calm face, but I could tell he was terrified by the look in his eyes. I frowned at him before looking at Travis once again.

"Travis, please. Let Rafael go. He has nothing to do with this. My children have nothing to do with this."

Travis's eyebrow raised in question.

"Really? Because the last time I checked, you killed my boyfriend because he wouldn't give you Max. That makes me think your kids have everything to do with this."

I shook my head quickly. "You're wrong. I didn't kill Sebastian over the adoption. That's what the media said but it's not true."

He held the gun harder against Rafael's temple, not seeming convinced.

"I don't care what your reasons were. My boyfriend is dead. He has been dead for years and the police have done nothing to look for you. They all said the same thing. 'We are trying our best', 'he has mob help on his side', 'it's going to be close to impossible to find him.' Well, look how easy it was for me to find you? Allen and Miguel are ridiculous cover names by the way. You might as well spray paint 'Alec and Magnus live here' on your house."

"Is that the real reason you moved here? To find me and get revenge?"

He smirked. "You aren't as dumb as everyone says you are. That's right. You took what was most precious away from me. Thought I would return the favor."

I could hear pounding coming from the direction of the hallway. It sounded like it was coming from the kid's bedroom.

"Where is Max" I asked glaring back at Travis. He shrugged, swinging Rafael around and pulling him toward the hallway.

"I put him in his bedroom and set a chair in front of it to lock him in. If you do what I say, neither of your children will be hurt. Act out, and they may both end up with as many bullets as Sebastian did when you shot him in cold blood. It would only be fair, right?"

I stayed put, not saying a word and he smirked before moving the chair and shoving Rafael in the room. Rafael stumbled before looking back at me panicking. I gave him a hard look, hoping he could understand what I wanted him to do just through eye contact. We always had a plan for a situation like this. It was time to use it.

His eyes turned from scared to understanding. It seemed like he knew what I wanted from him.

Travis quickly shut the door and put the chair in front of it again to keep them in. I could hear Max screaming for me from the other side and it took everything I had not to cry. My baby was scared and it was all my fault.

"Let's get started" He said grabbing my arm and directing me out of the hallway. He had the gun pressed to the back of my head as he directed me to the dining room. He sat me in a chair before pulling my arms behind it and tying them with some rope.

"I wasn't planning on doing this tonight but with Magnus being away, what better opportunity would I get?"

He finished tying up my hands and legs before standing up and walking out of the room. He came back a few minutes later with a book bag in hand. He slammed it on the dining room table and started searching through it.

"I did a lot of research on you Alec Lightwood. You have gotten yourself in a lot of trouble since turning eighteen. Not a very good way to live out your adult life."

He pulled out a news paper article and threw it at my feet. I frowned, seeing it was the Circle Inc. article Magnus wrote about me. Now I know that Valentine made up the ending, but that doesn't take away the pain I feel whenever I see it. He threw another paper down next to it. The one about me being raped when I went Downtown.

"Never been to New York my ass. You were the scum of New York. We didn't need these articles to know that was true."

He leaned down, picking up the second paper.

"The man who raped you; it was Sebastian right?"

I looked up at him shocked. He knew! He knew and he was still with the creep?

"I'll admit, Sebastian had... issues. He cheated a lot and liked taking advantage of people like you and me."

This caused me to frown at him. "You and me?"

He nodded, leaning against the table. "I lived Downtown as well. I had so much hope when I first ended up there. Told myself that I wouldn't belittle myself by becoming a whore or a drug dealer. I got a job at one of the diners and worked hard to make ends meet. One night though, I went to a party. That's where I met Sebastian."

His words made my brain flash back to years ago. When I was standing by myself watching people talk and dance. Sebastian had come up to me asking if I wanted a drink and I stupidly accepted. That's when he led me upstairs and did what he did to me.

"The same thing that happened to you happened to me," Travis said softly, looking deep in thought.

"If that is the case then why did he become your boyfriend? Why would you want to be with someone like him?"

He smirked leaning against the table and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Sebastian taught me a lesson that night. He taught me that the world is cruel. The only way to survive is to be cruel right back. He's the one who showed me that and I love him for it. I understood him in a way that no one else in the world ever could. Even when he told me I was worthless I was happy because it was true. I am worthless, but he wanted me anyway. He chose me."

This guy was fucking crazy!

He smirked wider now. "Bet you just were thinking that I am crazy. You're right. I am crazy. Crazy in love. You took that away from me though. You took the only anchor I had away from me. All this crazy has to go somewhere right? I'll direct it at you and make you pay for what you did."

He turned away from me, looking through his bag before pulling something out. My body stiffened the moment the needle came into view.

Not again!

"I hear heroin is your drug of choice. Mine too. I absolutely love the buzz of my blood whenever it's in my system. You love it too don't you Alec? You and I are so much alike. Must be why my boyfriend liked you so much."

"Travis, listen to me. You don't have to do this. I know you want revenge for Sebastian but this isn't the way. I'm begging you not to drug me."

Travis smirked walking up to me. "Wow look at that. I have you begging already. Thought you were a lot tougher than that."

I looked up at him pleadingly.

"Please. If you have even an ounce of humanity in you, you won't do this."

I have done so good. I haven't wanted drugs in over two years. Besides the withdrawal symptoms that randomly appear every once in awhile, I've been healthy.

I can't do this again. The high, the rehab, the withdrawal. Every time I think I'm done with those things shit like this happens!

Travis looked like he was thinking it over before grabbing my arm and jabbing the needle into my wrist.

I screamed at the sting of the needle braking skin.

"There. Let's wait for that to take effect, shall we?"

I glared up at him, gritting my teeth.

"Fuck you" I seethed, trying to keep calm.

Travis smirked slightly before going back in his bag, pulling out a little pocket knife.

"Sorry, I don't give my body to sluts like you."

I eyeballed the knife before looking back at him. "What do you plan on doing with that?"

He shrugged smiling smugly and starting to circle around me.

"I've been wondering what would be the best way to torture you. I originally thought about tying you up and forcing you to watch as I slowly and painfully kill Magnus Bane."

He put the blade to my neck, slowly sliding it against my skin. The sting made me suck on my teeth in pain.

"I'm not as heartless as you though. Why punish Magnus for what you did? I thought of locking your children in a room with carbon monoxide. Once again though, I'm not a monster. Your kids didn't do anything wrong."

He moved the blade to my arm and this time did a quick slash, making blood go running down it.

"No. The only one in the wrong here is you. You seduced my boyfriend and shot him in cold blood. He had fifty bullet holes covering his body. Fifty holes!"

I swallowed hard, starting to feel the room spin. A warmness I haven't felt in years started running through my blood and I hated that it felt amazing.

"Drugs taking effect already? Wow, you really are an addict. You disgust me."

I closed my eyes, laying my head back. "You're wrong. I barely feel a thing."

That was far from the truth. He was right. The drug was just inserted and I could already feel the effects of it.

"You're such a horrible liar" he growled, slicing down my other arm.

"If you plan on killing me why don't you just do it? Why drag it out like this?"

He rolled his eyes, moving in front of me. "I'm not just going to kill you Alec. I'm going to kill you nice and slow until you are begging me for death. I'll make your children listen to your screams."

He slammed his knife down stabbing it in my hand making me scream to the top of my lungs. I didn't want to be loud. I didn't want to scare my children, but it was out of my control. It hurt so damn bad.

I just hope Rafael was staying calm and doing what I silently asked of him.

Magnus Pov- "You can't quit Miguel. You are the most creative member of my team. What's bringing this on all of a sudden," my boss asked as I helped him clean up from our meeting.

He called us all in making it sound like it was an emergency, but it was just a small story that took twenty minutes to figure out.

I wanted to just head home to Alec but decided now was a better time than later to quit. We could be on the move any day. It's best to not leave attached strings.

"Allan wants to start traveling. Thinks our kids could use some culture in their lives," I lied shrugging.

He sighed but nodded collecting the rest of his papers before taking mine from me. "Well we are going to miss you here. You always have a job if you decide to come back."

I smiled, grateful for his kindness. He was definitely a better boss than Valentine ever was.

"Thank you. I don't know if we will be coming back but I appreciate the offer. It was a pleasure working with you."

We shook hands before I turned and walked out of the room. The moment I got in the hallway my cellphone started ringing.

I pulled it out of my pocket and froze in shock, seeing the number was the emergency cell hidden under Rafael's bed. I quickly answered, putting my phone to my ear.

"Rafael, what's the matter? Are you okay?"

They knew not to use this phone unless it was dyer circumstances.

I could hear Max wailing in the background. Crying so hard he was hyperventilating.

Finally Rafael spoke saying, "P-papa. Papa, the man is hurting daddy. He locked Max and I in our room and he took daddy. He keeps screaming."

As if on cue, a blood curdling scream filled the air, making my shoulders stiffen. That was definitely Alec and it didn't sound good.

"The man put a chair by the door to keep it locked. I opened it enough to squeeze through. I wanna help daddy but I'm scared."

I ran down the hall, booking it to my car.

"No! No Rafael, you stay in the room and take care of your brother. I will be home as soon as I can and I will take care of this. Don't worry. All of you will be okay."

"Daddy will be okay," he asked softly.

"Yes, I promise."

It was a horrible thing to promise but he needed convinced. Rafael was a brave kid. He would go out there if it meant saving Alec. I couldn't let my seven year old risk his life like that.

I got in the car, starting it up and speeding out of the parking garage.

"I'm going to hang up now but you call me if anything else happens. I will be home in fifteen minutes. Stay in the room and keep Max safe. I love you son."

"I love you too Papa."

I hung up the phone and put both hands on the wheel, speeding even faster down the street. There was a chance the sheriff could pull me over but I didn't care. Alec was in trouble and he needed me.

The drive from town to home was usually twenty minutes but with the speeding, I hope to get there in fifteen.

I should have never left Alec alone with Travis. What was he doing? Why was he hurting Alec?

It could be that he is some crazy creeper living in the woods but I highly doubt that. Maybe he found out about Alec and I?

Alec's agonizing scream echoed in my head and I grabbed on tighter to the steering wheel.

How many times was something like this going to happen before I can finally keep Alec safe? He didn't deserve this torture. All he wanted was a normal life and I wanted to give that to him.

Seems that's out of reach for us.

I glanced over at the glove compartment frowning at it slightly. Inside there was a gun Raphael Santiago gave me for protection. He had a guy he knows give me classes to learn how to shoot it off.

I was decent at it, but nothing like Alec. He was downright amazing. He always hit his mark without even trying.

The gun was something I never wanted to use but now I may not have a choice. To save Alec, I may have to take this man's life.

Alec was used to killing people. That sounds horrible but it's true. He was a Hitman for over a year and took a lot of lives.

I don't have the confidence he has, but that won't stop me.

Fifteen minutes later I parked a bit away from the house and took a couple deep breaths before opening the glove box, grabbing the gun.

It shook in my hand as I got out of the car and made my way to the house. There is a cellar by the barn that leads to the basement of the house. If I go through there and sneak inside, I should be able to catch Travis by surprise.

As I made my way to the seller, I could hear the faint sounds of Alec crying out in pain from inside. It only drove me to move faster until I was opening up the seller door.

I pulled out my cellphone, turning on the flashlight before making my way through the seller passed Alec's tools and gardening supplies.

The noise from inside went mute and I worried that Alec could be already gone. With that thought in mind, I turned off the light and put my phone in my pocket before climbing up the basement steps.

I opened the door a crack, looking through it to see if Travis was near by. The sound of him humming a cheery tune came from the kitchen.

Seeing this as my chance. I rushed out of the basement and silently made my way to the dining room, where I heard Alec's cries coming from outside.

The moment I stepped foot in the room, I froze in shock. Alec was tied down to a chair by his hands and feet. There were gashes on the top of his hands like they were stabbed through with a knife. There were slashes all up his arms and some on his chest, rips in his shirt soaking it in blood.

The worst part though was the way Alec was acting. He was still alive, thank God, but his head was lolling back and forth like he was in a daze.

Alec was high.

I clenched my fists in anger, hating Travis more than I ever hated anyone in my life.

We had finally gotten over this hurdle. Alec was clean, withdrawal free and happy. He has been clean for almost six years. Now you are telling me it was all for nothing?

I walked over to Alec, touching his face with the hand that wasn't holding the gun. He looked up into my eyes but he couldn't seem to focus on them.

He smiled sweetly at me, seeming to forget the situation he was in.

"Magnus. You came to save me" he said softly.

The gashes in his skin we're even worse up close. The drugs are the only thing keeping him from being in agonizing pain right now.

"Alec, I know you can't really focus right now but I need you to try. I'm going to untie you and then we need to grab the boys and get out of here."

"That won't be happening" Travis's voice came from behind me. I turned around quickly, holding the gun in two hands and pointing it right at him. He smirked putting his hands up.

"I never would have thought you were a gun man Magnus." He glanced down at my shaking hands. "Though it seems you don't know how to use it."

"Believe me, I know how to shoot a gun Travis. Untie Alec before I show you how good of a shooter I am."

His smirk didn't disappear as he made his way passed me and walked toward Alec.

"I really had hoped that we would be able to do this without any unnecessary bloodshed. The only one who had to die here was Alec. Guess that's changed."

I held the gun tighter, putting my finger on the trigger. "You won't be killing anyone today."

He stood behind Alec putting his hands on his shoulders. "It's cute how you are trying to be all tough and brave. Play time is over though Magnus."

He pulled out a gun of his own, putting it to Alec's head. My shoulders stiffened and I held onto my gun tighter. The tighter I held it, the worse my hands would shake. Alec being in danger didn't help.

"Now Magnus, this is how it is going to be. You put down your gun or Alec will get a bullet right through his head. I didn't want to kill him fast but I will if I must."

"You aren't going to be killing anyone at all," I yelled before pulling the trigger. There was a chance I could hit Alec but that thought didn't cross my mind until after I already done it. Luckily, the bullet hit Travis right in his hand, making him drop the gun.

Travis held his bleeding hand in pain, glaring at me and I ran over to him punching him in the face before kicking his gun across the room. I then went to untie Alec but before I could, Travis tackled me to the ground, reaching to get my gun.

We rolled around the floor, punching and shoving each other. I even hit him in the temple with the end of the gun but it didn't stop him.

He punched me in the face one more time and used my moment of recover to grab the gun from my hand and stand up. He pointed the gun at me with his good hand, glaring.

"Any last words before you die?"

I glared up at him, not saying anything. If he was going to kill me, I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me afraid or beg. I closed my eyes bracing the end and flinched when the sound of the gun going off filled the air.

I was expecting pain but nothing happened. Maybe death didn't come with pain. Maybe you don't feel anything when dying instantly.

When I opened my eyes I was surprised to see I was still sitting on the floor of my dinning room unharmed. Travis on the other hand, wasn't so lucky.

He was still standing but a hole was in his chest, blood soaking his shirt. He looked down at his chest, his entire body shaking, before he fell to the ground, going limp.

I looked toward Alec wondering if he somehow got untied and saved me. He was still in the chair now out cold.

"Then who…" I looked ahead and my heart dropped to my stomach. My seven year old was standing there holding Travis's gun. It shook in his hands as tears rolled down his cheeks.

I quickly got up and ran to him, getting to my knees in front of him. I tried to take the gun out of his hand but he wouldn't let it go. He had a death grip on it.

"Rafael, let go of the gun. Everything is okay now. The bad man is gone. You're safe. You and Daddy are safe."

His grip on the gun slowly loosened and I took it from him and set it on the ground before hugging him tight. He looked over my shoulder at Travis and I directed his eyes away, making his face be hidden in my chest.

"I'm sorry Papa… I'm so sorry," he sobbed into my chest.

I shook my head pulling away and cupping his face in my hands. "Rafael Santiago Lightwood-Bane, you listen to me. You have nothing to be sorry about. You saved me and Daddy. You are a brave little boy."

His tears slowed down but didn't stop. "Is… Is that man okay?"

He looked over my shoulder at Travis, dead on our dining room floor.

"No buddy… he isn't okay. But he was a bad man and needed stopped. You stopped him. I'm so proud of you."

I never wanted my children to have to deal with guns and they never will again, but I'm glad Raf was there.

Rafael looked over at Alec and quickly moved away from me, running to him. He looked over the cuts on his body before looking at me scared.

"What's wrong with daddy?"

I moved over to them, untying Alec. "You don't have to worry about him. He is going to be okay."

We're going to have to deal with Alec's drug addiction again, which I'm not too happy about. I thought for sure we were done with all that but I always stayed alert to it.

I would deal with Alec's drug addiction for the rest of my life if it meant he was still alive.

"Raf, go make sure your brother is okay. I will take care of everything else."

Rafael looked at Travis one more time before running to his room to take care of Max.

I picked Alec up, carrying him to our bedroom. His eyelids fluttered open before he looked up at me smiling slightly.

The look in his eyes reminded me of the first time I saw him high. When I had to carry him into his apartment because he was making a total ass of himself. He was filled with so much anger and resentment back then. Now he had no anger left.

"Magnus… the room is spinning."

"You lost a lot of blood darling. Do you remember what happened?"

He shook his head burying his face against my chest. "My body feels warm and fuzzy."

I frowned kissing his forehead "that's because you're high."

He looked into my eyes for a moment before laying his head on my chest again, tears starting to trail down his cheeks.

"We're never going to be free are we? I'm so sorry Magnus."

I laid him on our bed before cupping his face in my hands. "You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't put that needle in your arm. It will be hard for awhile but we will get through it because you and I are strong. There is no couple stronger than us. No family as strong as ours. We will have freedom some day. I promise you that."

He wrapped his arms tightly around my neck crying and I held him back, rubbing the back of his head.

 **One year later**

Alec Pov- "Daddy, Papa, duckies! Duckies!" Max cheered, pointing at the lake. We were sitting in a park in Italy having a small picnic.

I took a picture of the ducks before sending it to Jace, snickering to myself. Magnus shook his head smiling.

"He is going to hate you. Push him too much and he might turn us into Interpol."

"Jace would never do that," I laughed before looking at my kids. "Okay, what did you guys make for lunch?"

Magnus had the 'genius' idea to let the kids pick the food for the picnic. It was a form of homework for Rafael. Because of everything that happened with Travis, Rafael kept waking up with night terrors. We took him to see a counselor and she advised us to give him opportunities to be in control of a situation. This time being our picnic.

He opened the basket pulling out cheese puffs, grapes, and some candy. Not a single sandwich or actual food in sight.

"I knew this would happen" I mumbled making Magnus laugh again.

"Learn to live and have fun Alec" he said grabbing some grapes. At least they bothered to pack some fruit.

I smiled at him before looking around the park smiling. Italy was so peaceful and our family really strived here. I spent the first half of our year here inside, detoxing from the drug Travis gave me. All it took was on time to mess up all my hard work before. I hated Travis for that.

Besides that, everything seemed to work out for us. We live on a vineyard with some of Raphael Santiago's family. They have a lot of kids for our boys to play with and Magnus and I help the adults make wine.

It's a simple life but that's something I have always wanted.

No more lies. No more running. Just us happy as a real family.

Max sat in my lap holding a grape up to my mouth and I smiled before opening my mouth and eating it.

"Is daddy happy today" he asked, looking hopeful.

I've been going through withdrawal the last few days so I haven't been in the best mood. I even snapped at Max the other day making him cry. I felt horrible about it.

I smiled at him, hugging him tight. "I'm very happy today. I'm spending time with my family. Nothing makes me happier."

He smiled excitedly before going back to eating. I watched him smiling before laying my head on Magnus's shoulder, enjoying our new peaceful, happy, and not complicated life together.

A/N: You guys ever noticed how all my stories always seem to end around the same time? It's always coincidence.

Anyway, you guys know the drill by now. one story ends, another begins.

Once again, i have been hit with the Disney bug.

I want to write a Malec Version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, (though there won't actually be any hunchbacks,) and don't want to make it part of my Malec tales series since it will be a more dark and mature story.

Now i know that there is already a malec Hunchback of Notre Dame story on this site but it's nothing like mine is going to be, so they won't be similar.

This is going to be a Shadowhunter/ Downworlder based story but still an AU so it will be different from usual.

i'm not giving you guys a summary this time because i just want you guys to experience it as it's happening.

This is pretty much just a passion project of mine because The Hunchback of Notre Dame is my favorite Disney movie and i recently found the musical, which is amazing!

The story will be very mature and dark. The hunchback of Notre Dame is about lust and sin after all. Mine will have lots of that.

I hope you will all take this ride with me.

Thank you for sticking with the Complicated series for so long, and I love you all.


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